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Those first few weeks - not answering the door unless its prearranged?

(21 Posts)
ThinkIveBeenHacked Mon 28-Jul-14 20:34:30

WIBU and Pregzilla to say to people that post birth we wont be answering the door to any knocks unless its been pre arranged?

Last time round we may as well have installed a revolving fecking door.

I dont mind visitors daily but seeing one lot out (after having my nap disturbed) only to answer to another set just as I was settling down to sleep got old really quick.

We live in a small flat too so no retreating upstairs. my bedroom is on the front too and last time if I tried to ignore the bell they would knock on the glass fuckwits

nameuschangeus Mon 28-Jul-14 20:38:22

I think it's a great idea to do this. With ds1 I lived in a top floor flat with no front facing windows so just merrily ignored the doorbell. Ds2 was like Piccadilly Circus.

alardi Mon 28-Jul-14 20:39:20

I unplugged the phone, so I think I understand where you're coming from! Maybe need a Do Not Disturb sign on the door with a box for cards & messages, promise to ring back when you can.

TheBuggerlugs Mon 28-Jul-14 20:40:23

I can't believe folk have the cheek to just show up. As if!! We'll be sticking a sign on our door if people start randomly turning up.

LegoCaltrops Mon 28-Jul-14 20:41:50

YANBU at all. Put your foot down. I regret not doing this last time, made my mat leave & first few weeks so much less pleasant than it should have been!

Annietheacrobat Mon 28-Jul-14 20:43:31

Second baby. No one will be interested. You'll be fine.

BunnyPotter Mon 28-Jul-14 20:43:41

No and no!
If anybody says anything, they're either jealous because they didn't do it, or haven't had a newborn at home!

ThinkIveBeenHacked Mon 28-Jul-14 20:54:21

Haha I hope they wont be interested! Alas this is a boy after having a girl and people seem to think it will somehow be different grin even though newborns are newborns!

Pobblewhohasnotoes Mon 28-Jul-14 21:10:13


JennyBlueWren Mon 28-Jul-14 21:26:50

Put a message out beforehand saying that during the first few weeks you will be focused on binding with baby and could people avoid visiting at this time (you can then contact those people you would like to see to make arrangements). Also get DP to p put a photo of you and baby on the door with "bonding in progress, please do not disturb" and arrange for him to intercept any visitors with a polite but firm "mother and baby doing well thank you for the flowers I'll pass on your message, come and visit when things are more settled f off

Heels99 Mon 28-Jul-14 21:29:52

Don't forget the midwife and health visitor don't give you a specific time they just turn up

bonzo77 Mon 28-Jul-14 21:35:16

Not unreasonable at all. My MIL dropped by unannounced the day after I'd been discharged after an emcs. She woke the baby. I struggled out of bed as I was expecting the MW. I was home alone because DH had gone out with my mother to get smaller baby clothes for 5lb3 ds1. I shut the door on her. Stupid thoughtless bitch had brought her SIL with her (who had been catty with me ever since I'd met DH 2 years earlier). And parked on our drive. Why did she think our drive was empty exactly, probably because I was home alone. And she had already been invited later that day, which is why DH has nipped out then. Can you tell I'm still cross 4 years on?!

GingerRodgers Mon 28-Jul-14 21:58:30

I think it's a great idea.

Some people will think you're being selfish and how dare you not let anyone who wants to come round whenever they please hmm

I'd love to lock myself away and recover without nosy rude people inviting themselves round whenever is convenient for them, never mind that I've just given birth.

I did tell the health visitor to go away and come back when she had an appointment. I personally think it's rude to just turn up unannounced.

Bellyrub1980 Tue 29-Jul-14 04:15:35

I'm dreading this!!

SouthDerbyshireMamma Tue 29-Jul-14 04:41:54

We have told everyone that we do not want visitors at home for a while and we'll visit them when its convenient for us. DS1 is 17 days old and so far its working out just fine. The beauty of visiting others is that it doesn't matter what state your house is in and you can leave when you have had enough smile

alliemarg Tue 29-Jul-14 11:14:47

I'm still gobsmacked that people would do this - especially in the days of mobile phones! I would never knock on the door of somebody with a newborn without a prior arrangement, even if I were dropping off a card.

We live in the centre of town so I guess the risk is high. Planning to ignore the bell after the initial health visitor/midwife visits are done, but we do get a lot of people asking us to take in parcels for next door etc.

I'm hoping DH can direct the flow of visitors as he's quite good at being firm

ohthegoats Tue 29-Jul-14 11:19:46

My problem isn't the visitors, but how long they'll want to stay I think. We live 40 minutes from nearest family etc, they're not going to just turn up for 15 minutes then sod off are they? It's going to be tea and cake time... urgh.

ohthegoats Tue 29-Jul-14 11:21:25

The one thing I have done though, is ban anyone from STAYING at our house for the first 2 weeks. In-laws were talking as if they were going to move in to help - I had to wait until the boyfriend had gone to bed, then have an awkward conversation. I don't mind them being around, for half an hour at a time, but I will pay for their B&B. I want to sit around most of the time with my boobs out, probably bawling, without judgement. I don't want to have to make slightly difficult conversation with anyone.

kkllww Tue 29-Jul-14 11:34:46

Unannounced visits are definitely not on! It's good to lay out the boundaries straight away so nobody has any misconceptions. Last time all the gps had it in their heads they would be coming to stay for days on end (all live miles away) straight after the birth, so we had to tell them that we weren't having visitors staying for 2 weeks. Do what suits you both and don't be made to feel guilty by anyone.

JennyBlueWren Tue 29-Jul-14 13:54:07

My parents are already looking at options for visiting as they live far away and wouldn't want to drive. Mum pointed out that I wouldn't want them for the first few weeks and I had to admit I thought they'd be quite helpful with housework/shopping etc. We've already established that all the advice she had is now the opposite of what we're told.

CityDweller Tue 29-Jul-14 20:19:13

When we sent out our 'birth announcement' email shortly after DD was born, we put a little line at the bottom saying something like 'we're all getting to know each other at the moment, but we'd welcome visitors in a week or two - because by that point we'll totally look like we know what we're doing!'. Basically a lighthearted way of saying keep away for a bit, please. It meant that best friends and family were the only ones we saw at the beginning, which was great.

Of course, we were endlessly answering the door to delivery people and the postman for all the stuff I'd forgotten to buy before the baby came But at least they didn't stay for hours and expect endless cups of tea.

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