an open invitation for some indulgent whining about the rubbishness of pregnancy

[microferret]

Warning & disclaimer: This is a thread reserved exclusively for whingeing. I want my baby very much and am very aware that many people have difficulties with becoming pregnant, however this does not mean that I am obliged to enjoy all the shit that comes with carrying a child for 9 months. Therefore I am having a moan and inviting some like-minded individuals to join in with their tales of woe. Fellow misery-guts only, please!

I HATE BEING PREGNANT. HATE HATE HATE IT. First of all, I find the whole concept of it profoundly disturbing. I know we're supposed to relish the idea of new life in our bellies and all that guff, but I have never had new life in my belly before and it's a lot to get used to in just a few months. I find the idea of something in me, eating my food, using my blood and making me swell up like a cobra that's swallowed a balloon very upsetting. I don't find it beautiful, or moving. I don't enjoy the kicks (though I will grudgingly concede they do reassure me that all is well), I find them freaky, especially when the skin moves visibly. I hate the lack of control. I hate the weird new things that happen every day. I hate the constant worrying that something will go wrong. I hate that I have to go through all this and DH gets off scot-free. The UNFAIRNESS OF IT ALL!!! I hate watching him have beer and wine whenever he bloody feels like it. I hate that he acts as though it's some massive sacrifice when he doesn't have a drink one day.

I hate the pelvic pain; I hate the odd sleeping positions I have to adopt, (which have lately been resulting in a nightly dead arm); I hate getting fat; I hate the default chirpy positivity of everyone who asks how I'm "enjoying" being up the duff and the uncomfortable look on their face when I say I'm not (actually... that's a lie. I secretly enjoy the uncomfortable look )

I am not blooming. I am not glowing. My hair does not look amazing. I have a spotty back and a new pocket of cellulite every week. I waddle like a duck. My tits already seem more pendulous and my nipples have turned into giant, raspberry-like structures that are erect at all times. I have shoved enough suppositories up my vagina for several lifetimes, yet the thrush always seems to return. My gums bleed profusely despite diligent brushing, flossing and mouthwash use. I have had recurrent UTIs and an astonishingly tenacious kidney infection.

Added to this, nearly all my friends have sailed through pregnancy, without so much as a single symptom, apart from excessive joy and wonderment at the miracle of life. The one friend who admitted to hating it said she felt like a failure, and as if she should have another baby "just to get pregnancy right this time". The pressure on women to enjoy every single aspect of motherhood is just ridiculous. I am tired of feeling guilty or inadequate for not liking being pregnant. I DON'T like it, and I don't have to like it.

And neither do you.

Come whine with me!

[basgetti]

I hate being pregnant. I hate having hyperemesis and spending the day either puking or retching. I hate that I am treading a fine balance everyday of trying to avoid a hospital admission and I feel so guilty that I was sat in a stuffy ward on a drip whilst DS was having his sports day .

I hate that I am now totally constipated due to the medication. I hate that I am waiting to find out if my gestational diabetes will recur this time. I hate that I don't have a nice neat bump, but a massive tyre right round my waist so I look fat not pregnant.

I'll probably be back with more later!

[Annbag]

I'm with you! I too really want and love this baby, and know how precious pregnancy can be - still not enjoying it though!

• Morning sickness (most of the day and night) until week 20. Still get the odd bout of it seemingly at random
  
• The constant criticism 'you're too small', 'should you be eating / doing that' I'm not eating or doing anything against advice, people seem to make up their own things! 'you can't bond with your baby because you didn't find out the gender' - how did anyone ever bond with their babies before gender scans then?!
  
• Constant worry about losing baby, things being wrong at scans etc
  
• Public transport and how rude people can be. I don't mind asking for a seat when I need one, but the people that look at me, look at the bump (I'm a size 8 with a massive bump, it's very obvious) then run to the seats before me are a constant bafflement to me! And some people are just horrible - one man shouted at a woman for giving up her seat for me :-(
  
• The heat
  
• Not being invited to as many things. Ok, I can't drink but I'd still like to go. A good friend 'forgot' to invite me to her hen night.
  
• Criticism for things that haven't even happened yet! 'Don't chose an awful name',
  
• People acting like I should have a 'natural' (hate that term) martyr like birth: 'don't have a c-section' (if I'm medically advised to have one because my placenta is still blocking the main exit I will!), 'don't have pain-relief' (in what other hospital situation would you not?), 'don't get stressed you will harm your baby' (that doesn't really help me reduce stress does it?)
  
• Now 30 weeks and seem to be developed a sunburn like pain on lower boobs and upper bump - guess they rub together? Not idea how to stop them!
  
• Back pain, urine infections
  
• People touching me without asking
  

I think that's it.

[magpiegin]

Oh my god. Another one hating every second of pregnancy. I had awful morning sickness and the tablets made me feel drunk, the sickness went and was replaced with horrible pelvic pain. The physio dismissed me and made me feel I was making a big deal of it. At 34 weeks the baby is now curled up at the top of my bump and is causing me pain up three now.

I have no energy, I can't walk far and I am a getting no sleep. I cannot brush my teeth without heaving and there isn't any food I fancy.

If another person says, enjoy the next few weeks before the baby gets here because then you'll understand what feeling tired is like- so basically saying 'you're feeling really shit now but soon you'll feel even shitter'. Thanks.

[peppercold]

At 28 weeks and being told one minute my bump is tiny, then ten minutes later how huge I am!

Acid reflux.

Very tight and bloated bump feeling like my belly is going to split open!

Back ache after even five minutes of cleaning or walking.

Baby using my bladder as a trampoline!

Loads more but will stop for now!

[squizita]

I am very grateful modern medicine has made pregnancy safe for me ... BUT NOT SO GLAD IT ENTAILS STICKING A NEEDLE IN MY BELLY/ARSE EVERY FRICKEN DAY.
There I said it. Breathes.

I am shaped like an egg or Mr Greedy. I cannot move myself fast enough to do anything efficiently. It's like living in slo-mo.

I can't poo one day, the next I'm running to the loo.

Constant worry. Not knowing what it anxiety and what is legit worry. Worried when baby doesn't kick. Almost wet myself when she kicks and pokes my bladder or winded as she hoofs my diaphram. No middle 'cute delicate wave' kickage in the middle.

[Buscake]

I really want an ice cold pint of lager, or a g&t.

Next summer.

[hotfuzzra]

Oohhhhh thanks for starting this thread!
I am fed up of:
-feeling like shit every day
-being more tired than ever in my life (and I've worked shifts for 8years)
-crying.
-feeling hungover for the last 5 months
-putting on weight after having worked hard to lose nearly 5stone
-baby kicking me constantly. Yes, reassuring, also annoying. Can't admit to that one without sounding heartless
-weeing every two hours. Bore off.
-people saying Oh you're so small. (Good, it means I'm not force feeding myself and blaming it on 'eating for two')
-not finding adequate range of mat clothes
-I miss alcohol. One small drink a week does not cut the mustard.
-being scared of sleeping on my back. It's very comfortable. Don't scare me with stories about oxygen deprivation.
-women on finding out you're pregnant immediately telling me everything they hate about motherhood and childbirth, and specifically, hearing 'you're not tired now, wait until it's born'
-why does anyone else care whether it's a boy or a girl? Why, even if I had found out, should I have to tell you? MYOB
-everyone saying 'how many weeks gone are you now?' Like it's the only thing in my life, forever.

I'm only 23 weeks :-( this is lasting FOREVER.

[magpiegin]

I want cider. Not just a half, I want to go out at 4pm and drink cider until last orders and then go home and have a whisky before bed. 'The baby looks like it will come any day now' I still have 6 weeks to go! Fuck off. No clothes fit, my nipples are so sore and now leaking. I could go on with even more.

[romomum]

I hear you ladies!!! I too hate being pregnant...I can't wait to meet my bubba but at the moment...I am suffering insomnia if I do get a few hours sleep it is still broken by needing the loo!!! hate the heat at the mo, the sweating!!! baby's feet digging in my ribs, shooting pains though me ladies bits!!!! constipation,piles, itchy skin.....hardly any clothes fit me not worth buying anymore as I'm 37 weeks!!!! can't bear too much noise...and for some reason I find folk can be overly opinionated and rude when talking about name's, feeding or any other parenting ideas!!!!
Ok rant over....man! that felt good!!!

[bronya]

I'm just glad we live in the age of contraception. The end product is so so worth it, but two lots of pregnancy will be quite enough for me when this baby arrives.

For anyone with bad joint pain btw, go to see a private physio. My friend went to her NHS physio (sorry, can't help you, have some crutches) and I went to a private one (put hips back, advised on exercises, strapped up knees correctly and showed me how to do it myself). Result from NHS physio: no change. From private: gradual return to full use of all joints with exercises, a support belt for my pelvis and some careful strapping up. My physio used to be NHS - they weren't allowed to spend more than x time with each patient, weren't allowed to advise on y and z that you could buy (because people would want it free) etc etc.

[PresidentSpreadable]

I hate it too. I've wanted it for so long, and now I just find it a complete pita. I had no morning sickness, had no other problems physically, but I still hate it.

• Getting the tube everyday instead of an exhilarating, life affirming race through London on my bike.
  
• A g&t free summer.
  
• Feeling fat, vulnerable, and bovine instead of capable and strong.
  
• Never being able to be completely selfish ever again.

[weebairn]

I found having a newborn far less tiring than being heavily pregnant.

[PresidentSpreadable]

Oh yeah, I've just got my first pile. I'm only 21 fucking weeks.

[Lalalax3]

Being pregnant has been one of the most depressing times of my life.

• had HG all the way through and couldn't work in my first or third trimesters, puking whenever I cough, sneeze, cry etc...
  
• ignorant family, friends and co-workers constantly judging me for the above, making it clear they thought I was just shit at being pregnant and making HELPFUL comments like 'You're not STILL sick, are you?'
  
• nobody in my family acknowledging my pregnancy until I was 12 weeks along (note to self, next time don't bother telling family until after scan), so basically suffering in silence while they all grimaced and made faces that said 'You could miscarry at any time'
  
• getting depressed because of constant vomiting and having to go to my local psychiatric hospital for reassessment
  
• shitting too much, then never shitting, then shitting painful pellets that took two hours to come out, then shitting too much again
  
• dealing with 32c heat
  
• heartburn, every day
  
• now, at 35 weeks, not being able to eat because of tiny limbs stuck under my ribs
  
• VAG ACHE
  
• hiccups in my vagina
  
• husband getting ill and having to nurse him through it for two weeks while just wanting to hide in my bed and cry
  

I haven't really had a chance to contemplate being a mum, I just can't wait to not be pregnant any more!

[Lalalax3]

Oh and the INSOMNIA. taking three hours to fall asleep every night, then waking up 45 mins later for a piss.

[SpiffingGalore]

I am thankfully no longer pregnant, but just thought I would pop in to express solidarity with those of you that are. I had horrendous morning sickness throughout the heat wave last summer, and I've been thanking every god I've ever heard of that I'm not pregnant in this one.

The morning sickness was followed in short order by horrible spd. I had ante-natal depression that only lifted two days before I gave birth. I had no energy. I looked like shit. It was horrific from beginning to end and I've done it twice.

The only good thing about pregnancy is that it (eventually) ends.

Never again yeah right

[wokeupwithasmile]

AMEN.

[Eatscones]

Ya... Pretty much I'm a horrid pregnant person! Sick through my entire first pregnancy. This pregnancy the constant throwing up finally stopped after 24 weeks. I'm 33 now and extremely irritable. I don't have the energy or patience for my toddler. I could care less about the world around me...but cry for the second place commonwealth finishers! Regulars aches and pains, insomnia while DH snores happily beside me. Pelvic pain, hobbling when it gets bad. Not even knowing what I want.... Ready to be done with pregnancy and love mommy-hood again!

[coffeetofunction]

I've needed this feed for weeks but right now I'm to tired & uncomfortable to even complain... I will be back

[polkadotdelight]

I think.I love you all. I fit in here perfectly. I'd love to be able to breathe without sounding like a pervy heavy breather on the other end of the phone for a start!

[frankiebuns]

Ok here I go!
The constant feeling sick that wore of for a day I stuffed myself silly then made my self feel sick I'm now 36 weeks!
The urine/kidney infections I always get blood in urine all the signs no bacteria put it down to little miss madam sitting on tubes
Uncomfy but comprimised sleeping positions
The constant cramp
The acid reflux and heartburn for days on end where I looked like a weirdo guzzling out my gaviscon bottle in my handbag
The hip pain as she is now engaged and I feel incontinent god I dread sneezing
The blood tests that seem to happy weekly as they aren't sure if its ok well my needle phobia has bit the dust
The work collegues who are whinging about the heat and forgetting that my suffering is twice as bad!
The people who dislike my chosen name and say its rather weird.
The constant living in a maxi dress if u know me I dnt do dresses!
The getting comfy then needing a wee and spending 2 hourx getting comfy again all for it to happen again
My bleeding gums although I am religiously doing as told

[SignoraStronza]

I was asked what the best thing about being pregnant was by the mw during the antenatal physio class. The first time mummies looked shocked when I said that the best bit was it is definitely my last and I'll be having my tubes tied during extraction!

My cankles, which swell up at the best of times, have expanded to epic proportions and thighs now rub together. I have cellulite everywhere. I measure eight weeks beyond what I actually am - possibly because he's extended breach. I miss proper, full on, multi positional passionate sex and feel like a great fat whale. I sweat in places I have never sweated before. Lower back is killing me and my arse sticks out a mile.

Also get fed up with the assumption I'll be driving back however knackered I am, as Dh is taking full advantage of my inability to drink right now. In fact drunk jolly people get right on my massive swollen Titsey!

[SignoraStronza]

^TITS^ Definitely no pet names here - bloody auto correct.

[ffallada]

mrsgrembles - hiccups in my vagina -

This thread has made me feel sooooo much better - thank you.

I can't stop crying - I am not a crier - I have cried more these last five months than in my whole life, especially since I hit the second trimester.

I cried because a girl dropped a hoop in the rhythmic gymnastics. I cried uncontrollably watching the planet of the apes prequel. I cried because I left a tissue in my pocket when I washed my fleassy sweatshirt and now it's all oossy.

I am literally having to drink more water to replace the liquids lost through tears. I can't help think that a really good session down the pub would sort all this out! I miss drinking till I can't feel my knees. Mocktails don't really cut it!

[ohthegoats]

I love this thread... LOVE IT.

I'm lucky to be pregnant at all - I'm 40, I've only been with my partner for a couple of years, I never thought I'd have kids because as well as age and lack of opportunity, I have a blood condition that I knew would make me prone to miscarriage. SO.. lucky to be here at all, and relative to lots of other people I've had the easiest pregnancy ever. But..

I'm sick of being so medicalised and beholden to a medical profession I don't really trust. In a day I take soluble aspirin that tastes like shit, a massive calcium/vitamin D chewy pill that tastes like shit, piriton - liquid form tastes like shit, probably around 5 - 6 different heart burn chewy tablets that taste like shit, I inject myself with a burning liquid that leaves me bruised and covered in odd lumps, a folic acid tablet which has to be followed by another heart burn tablet because otherwise the taste repeats all night. I have to cover myself in various different creams and potions because I'm so bloody itchy all the time. When I'm not pregnant, I take NOTHING, EVER. I'm rattling. Then I have to go to the hospital all the time, wasting hours and hours of my diminishing personal private time just for 10 minutes of 'everything is fine' and them telling you that likely your birth will be quite induced and horrible. Good, so I'm rattling, and now I have the fear.

Then the personal stuff...

I'm pathetic. I just can't do all the stuff I did before. We're trying to decorate a house - it took me 5 nights to do two coats on a small bedroom - normally I'd do that in on evening if it was warm enough for the paint to dry.

I'm obsessed with baby stuff - I'm BORING. I try to be interested in other things, Gaza, Ukraine.. I was massively political before, now I'm lucky if I get through the news headlines without turning over, or opening up a website with baby carriers on it. What the fuck? WHY? I haven't read a book in months and months, I just can't get into anything that isn't about birth, or breastfeeding or how to be a parent.

Boyfriend has been great, but I know he still just doesn't REALLY get it. I heard him telling his best mate that we probably won't have any more than one, because at the moment I'm just not the person he fell in love with, and he's not sure he can deal with that again. HE CAN'T DEAL WITH IT? Oh diddums, you who hasn't changed his behaviour in any kind of way apart from to suggest that our sex life isn't what it was, when I've told you that I can't come near you unless you stop drinking fucking beer and/or clean your teeth almost every half hour, because my sense of smell currently finds you repulsive. Also, when I am up for it, I end up feeling like I've been punched in the labia for hours afterwards... I want to have sex dammit, just not with someone who smells and not when I walk like John Wayne afterwards.

The only times I've felt like me were after a gin cocktail (one older lady judged me for drinking this, a stranger at a festival 'oh I thought she CAN'T be pregnant, she's drinking gin'), and for the 10 minutes or so after a full fat full caffeine cappuccino. Glimmers of my former self - I liked myself so much more before.

I had a lovely day dream yesterday about NEXT summer. A summer with some alcohol, with some energy, with some giving of a shit about the world around me, with some more smiling and laughing, more being able to go to the gym and run and lift weights again... and with fewer pills. All I've got to do now is stop obsessing about how it's likely that birth will fuck my sex life up for even longer.

And breathe...

Thanks for that opportunity!