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Telling people

(9 Posts)
ohfourfoxache Fri 11-Jul-14 12:34:08

I'm sorry to ask this but I'm really surprised by this.

Just got BFP #1 (think I'm 5+3). I thought that I'd be itching to tell people, wouldn't be able to control myself etc, but I'm actually completely the opposite.

DH is looking forward to telling people (we're going to wait until we've had a 12 week scan) but if I'm completely honest, I'm dreading it. I just want it to be just us who know until baby is probably about 18 months old grin

Bit of background info. My sister will be ridiculously excited (not sure I have the energy to cope with all the enthusiasm!), my dad will get emotional, and my mum will persist in giving advice regardless of whether it is wanted or not. On dh's side, his brother and father will be disinterested, but his mother is going to be a fucking nightmare. (When we got engaged, she announced that she wore her engagement ring when she saw us to remind us that, she had once got engaged too and, of course, she "knew what it was all about" hmm ) I know that she will ring constantly, interfere, persistently voice her opinion on things that don't concern her and generally be a pain in the fucking arse.

DH has also said that he wants to tell both families together as we need to be "fair" <cries>

Oh, and to top it all off, DH will be the one to do all the hard work, I'll have an easy time of it hmm

Sorry, it's turned into a bit of a rant.

Please, can anyone offer me any advice? I'm beginning to dread telling anyone and, at a time when I should be excited and thrilled and beside myself with joy, I'm not.

MrsWones Fri 11-Jul-14 12:46:33

Hello ohfour. I'm really sorry you're not looking forward to telling everyone your really wonderful news.
Although my situation is not the same as yours, I did feel a little nervous telling people.

While you are waiting until 12 weeks anyway I think the next few weeks are a perfect time to sit down with DH and explain that you want a plan for who you tell, when you tell and how you deal with the follow up.

Can he take responsibility for handling his side of the family and you yours? My advice is plan now what you want to do and how you want to do it in relation to inlaws and family and set your stall out early!!
This is your baby and you do things your way.
Also I understand wanting to not tell anyone until DC is 18 months, I think part of that is usual, it was for me. Although people may notice before then wink.

Good luck and congratulations.

kaykayblue Fri 11-Jul-14 15:30:22

DH will be the one to do all the hard work?

What the fuck does that mean?

ohfourfoxache Fri 11-Jul-14 16:08:18

Oh, he'll be exhausted if he's awake with me going through labour....hmm

And of course, he'll be the one to get everything ready in the house......

Then he'll be the one up at night hopefully breast feeding.....

And it's all made so much worse for him because he works (!)

Just for info, I work full time (actually quite ridiculous hours), very long commute, am no adverse to doing some pretty hardcore DIY (we gutted our place before moving in).

But no, her darling son is the one who has all the hard work to do. I know it hasn't happened yet, but after 14 years I fucking well know what's coming.

Sorry, turned into another rant.

I suppose I just don't want tell anyone when it means that they are going to have to be amongst the first to know.

Urgh, sorry, I hate myself for saying that sad

JennyBlueWren Fri 11-Jul-14 19:14:23

We told our parents straight away. Mine were cautious (are you sure, have you seen a doctor?) his were more excited. We discussed it and agreed to wait till 12 weeks to tell folk. I'm now 10 weeks and my husband has told two of his friends (one of whom is struggling to keep it secret), several work colleagues and my little brother as he wants to tell everyone! I told my boss when asking for time off for mw app and told my close nursery team as I was feeling very sick one morning. AFAIK they've managed to keep it secret although I did think it'd spill out.

I thought my mother in law would be full of advice but so far has stuck to asking how I am.

I'm a bit concerned about telling one friend as she's had several miscarriages and I'm not sure of her current status. Was thinking of saying when I see her next week but we'll be with another friend who can't conceive and has adopted -and her boy is the sort to quickly pick up on what we're talking aobut so not so secret!

cookielove Fri 11-Jul-14 19:43:55

Hello for congratulations smile

It's up to you when you tell people, we weren't "fair" infact my mum and dad found out the day after I got + result. Dh's parents found out at 21 weeks by text.

Dh's father and partner are uber excited and called almost immediately.

Dh's mother text back congratulations, then nothing for 7 weeks.

Tell them when you want to tell them!

PresidentSpreadable Sat 12-Jul-14 14:02:00

Congratulations ohfor! FWIW I told a few friends before we told any family.

I told my parents relatively early when we were visiting one weekend. Dp had wanted to wait until the scan as last year we lost one a couple of days after telling them, but I wanted them to know. They were cautiously excited, and as I'm my dad's only child it's quite a big deal to them.

Dp is from a large family and he didn't want to tell them until after the 12wk scan as it would be a lot of people to tell if we mc, so we didn't.

I told a few friends in drinks and drabs, but mostly felt like you, I was surprised as I thought I'd want to shout it from the rooftops, but actually no. Dp has told hardly anyone.

The best thing is that I'm almost 19 weeks and most people at work still haven't guessed unless I've told them directly (it helps that I was a chubster to start with, I think they just think I've been pigging out)!

Planning a discreet change of fb profile pic to my 'baby on board' badge after my 20wk scan on the 21st. smile

Tell who you want to tell when you want to tell them. Families, esp pain in the arse ones, don't have to get special treatment!

PresidentSpreadable Sat 12-Jul-14 14:02:34


JuniDD Sat 12-Jul-14 14:11:29

I know how you feel! I told a couple of close friends after about seven weeks. I told my parents two days before our early scan (previous complications and I knew my mum would shit herself). DP told some friends along the way. We told his dad together at about 16 weeks. I told work at 22 weeks and hid it til then.

I am a lot more excited now so happy to tell people but there are still friends and family who don't know and no FB announcement or anything.

Try to let MIL wash over you, it's easier to ignore if you play a "bingo" game in your head. wink

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