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When to tell 4 year old that I'm pregnant?

(23 Posts)
Pico2 Thu 10-Jul-14 23:51:53

DD is nearly 4. I'm 10 weeks pregnant. When do we tell her?

We will definitely wait until after the 12 week scan, but then I assumed that I would tell everyone and that would include DD. However 6 months is a long time to wait and someone has suggested I leave it until it's only 3 months to go. I'd feel terrible if she accidentally found out from someone else and she really wants a sibling so I can't wait to tell her. She also isn't stupid and might well notice a bump if we wait too long. I've got a fair bit of podge on me so could get away with it, but at least one person has guessed.

What did you do?

ThinkIveBeenHacked Thu 10-Jul-14 23:54:45

I dont have a fpur year old, but DD was 2.4 when I hit the 12 week mark and we told her then. She had saod once or twice prior, "mammys got a baby in her tummy" but my bump was evident at seven weeks so maybe thats why.

We like you worried about the length of time, but weve always said "the baby will be here in October". She doesnt know her months yet but it gives us an answer and also stops her asking if its going to be today or tomorrow.

Pico2 Thu 10-Jul-14 23:56:05

Ours will (hopefully) arrive in late Jan, so Christmas will be a great distraction.

Only1scoop Thu 10-Jul-14 23:56:42

Personally I'd leave it a little longer.

Congratulations smile

FlipFantasia Fri 11-Jul-14 00:39:38

I told my 4 year old and 2 year old at 13/14 weeks. Mainly as I told a preschool mum who immediately told her daughter - I didn't want my 4 year old being told by someone else! I initially had planned to wait til it was obvious...

Am now 27 weeks and they're very excited about the baby, but also not hugely interested iykwim.

Littleoaktree Fri 11-Jul-14 00:47:14

Ds1 was 2.5 when I told him and I was 12wks, he had to come to the scan as had childcare issues and we didn't tell him what it was for but once we knew all was fine we told him and he was excited and enjoyed looking at the pics in my pregnancy book and talking about how big dc2 was at each stage. Yes it did seem like a long way off and that he was waiting a long time but using the book helped.

I would tell her after your scan. I was a similar age to your dd when my DM told me she was pg with dsis and I still remember being so excited and the day dsis came home from the hospital is one of my clearest early childhood memories.

Marnierose Fri 11-Jul-14 04:06:07

I think 20 weeks is a great time to tell everyone. I know most people can't wait that long but it's nice to have the anomaly scan first.

OneLittleToddleTerror Fri 11-Jul-14 04:41:32

DD will be 3.5yo when my second is due. I told her when I told others. She isn't stupid and I don't want her to hear it from others. I think I waited till 16 or 18 weeks because I was starting to show then. I think it is ok to tell those who you know would not make any comments in front of your 4yo. But I found they all say go you will be a big sister.

However DD didn't get excited until I have a very large bump (am 30 weeks). And also when baby things start appearing at home.

Southpaws Fri 11-Jul-14 04:55:20

We told 4 year old dd straight after 20 week scan, we bought the photos home to show her and showed her the bump and she was thrilled. Good luck!

Southpaws Fri 11-Jul-14 04:55:51

Brought blush

nomdemere Fri 11-Jul-14 05:33:45

I told my 3yo after the 12 week scan, because I was telling other people then, so he would have heard it being talked about, and I wanted him to know from us, not just to overhear it. I couldn't have waited any longer because I was showing already (3rd baby, so stomach popped out straight away).

At this age, I think that even if something dreadful were to happen, the 3/4yo wouldn't be scarred by it IYSWIM.

Scoobsmam13 Fri 11-Jul-14 06:49:48

My DD is almost 6. I am 15 weeks and I haven't told her yet (although it is my 2nd and becoming increasingly hard to hide!)
I have decided to try and wait another few weeks if I can. Only because she is older and it will be so hard for her to wait 25 weeks as this is the thing she has wanted since forever.
Most people do know, but I have told them that she doesn't and everyone is being really careful not to say anything to her.

My (then) nearly 5 year old told me I was pregnant with DC3 befote I tested, and as I usually believe in neing honest with the kids I said I might be, but it was too early to know... She and her 3 year old brother were the very first people I told after DH, and that seemed absolutely appropriate, as after DH and I the siblings are the ones whose lives are most dramatically effected by the new baby.

The only down side -which we expected anyway - was that the kids told everyone the news; obviously they can't be asked to keep secrets. We were quite happy for them to do it though, as it was DC3. They had no problem with the wait - we just said it takes a really long time for a baby to grow nig enough to come out, and when they wanted to we looked at pics of what the baby looked like at that geststion, found toys the same size to help imagine how long he still meeded to grow etc. It was a positive thing, I can't imagine how people keep pregnancies from children of 3+ past the point where thry've told adults other than the father!

PilauMice Fri 11-Jul-14 07:43:32

This is interesting. My DS is 2.2 and I am 17 weeks pg. I haven't told him but we talk about it to other people in front of him. His childminder doesn't know yet so maybe once we are ready to tell her, he can be told. I'm barely showing yet anyway and it's so gradual that he isn't going to notice for a while.

Mumof3xox Fri 11-Jul-14 07:46:32

When I was pregnant with dc 3 older dc were 3 and nearly 5

We told them about 12 weeks

Younger one didn't get it at all til baby arrived tbh he just wasn't interested. Older one was very interested

Missmidden Fri 11-Jul-14 08:09:44

DD is 4.3 and Dd2 is due next week. We told her once we had the 12 week screening results, so about 14 wks or so. Just wanted to be sure there weren't any amino/CVS related complications first. Part of me wanted to wait til after the 20 wk scan just in case of any problems picked up there, but it would have been so hard to keep it from her as I was showing so much and everyone else would have known.

Her excitement has been lovely and not a problem, and we have had other milestones to focus on e.g after your birthday/ once the weather is warmer etc although now we are down to 4 sleeps (ELCS)!

frankiebuns Fri 11-Jul-14 08:44:35

My ds is 3 1/2 we told him at 12 weeks he's been fantastic, ihave been in and out of hospital like a yoyo this time and he knows where my nots,es are and grabs them each time I look like I'm going to hospital he also knows that rough and tumble is out the question and loves tlking to bump and telling everyone that's his sister in there, now the possibility of her arriving as early as next week is on the cards due to complications he is going nuts and is over excited, he was playing with his bricks yesterday and he said he wanted to teach her how to play bricks as soon as she's home!

DownstairsMixUp Fri 11-Jul-14 08:47:22

I'm 8 months now (due very early september) I told DS after the 12 week scan. He is four. He has been fine! He knows the baby takes time to grow and pats my belly sometimes and kisses the baby. He has starting school distracting him to but it seemed like the right time to tell him.

OneLittleToddleTerror Fri 11-Jul-14 08:57:39

pilaurice they grow so much between 2.2yo and 3.2yo. My 3yo is like frankie describes. She can find my notes, she keeps saying these toys are for babies etc. If she was a year younger, I could have kept it till maybe 3 months before birth.

SouthDerbyshireMamma Fri 11-Jul-14 09:13:19

I'd leave it a little while. My sister told my niece at about 11 weeks and then lost her baby. My niece is 5 and keeps saying that Mummy told a fib about having a baby in her tummy. I can see it upsets my sister everytime she hears it. I hope that doesnt sound all doom and gloom

SomeSunnySunday Fri 11-Jul-14 09:23:05

Mine are 3 and almost 6. I wanted to tell them (and the world) after my 20 week scan, but started to show much earlier than I'd expected, and had an awkward moment in a supermarket car park where someone I hadn't seem for ages straight up asked me in front of them whether I was pregnant. They didn't really catch on, but I could see that it would keep happening unless I dressed in sack like clothing, so we ended up telling them at 16 weeks. My almost 6 year old has been very sweet about it, and is excited (but not completely hyper, which I'd been worried about). My 3 year old is quite disinterested; periodically he asks if today is the day the baby is coming, but that's about it so far. I plan to make more of a big deal of it in the last couple of months.

Only1scoop Fri 11-Jul-14 09:27:06

My reasons for leaving it a little longer are similar.... I didn't want to bring it up but we told dd nearly 4 at 14 weeks.... healthy scans all good.

She is incredibly switched on and was delighted kissing tummy goodnight....even named baby etc.

We then discovered at midwife appointment that baby had died at around 16 wks. I had no indication at all.

Telling dd was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

After this I would leave a tiny bit longer and would always air on side of caution taking other children to anomaly scans etc.

I am sure all will be great Op and I don't want to put a dampner on this happy time but just add my thoughts....

HopefulHamster Fri 11-Jul-14 11:19:59

We waited until the 12 week scan to tell our nearly four year old. Maybe in an ideal world we'd have waited until 20 weeks (that's when I did overall announcement) but we were telling parents etc who knew we'd been through treatment and I thought he would find out anyway. I had lost a baby previously so I was a bit nervous about having to 'untell' but fortunately it has (so far) worked out okay. And he's very excited.

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