Recurrent miscarriage

[Alock21]

Hi, first time on Mumsnet but after a missed miscarriage in January, I was told at my 7 week scan last week that despite a strong heartbeat, the baby is 50% too small for the dates so the doctor predicted a recurrent miscarriage. My first thought was to get a second opinion but he is already one of the best on Harley St, London so what he says go's really.
Has anyone else been through this? I feel so hopeless as after getting pregnant again and believing that the first miscarriage was just terrible luck, I now face the reality that this could be the start of many lost babies. I am also dreading going back for an 8 week scan this week to see if the heartbeat has stopped. If it has, I have to either wait to miscarry naturally or have the removal procedure again meaning this sorrow and process of loss, is only just getting started!
Currently on self-presribed bed rest and taking Asprin in the desperate hope that something will change ahead of next scan and everything will be okay but aware that miracles are rare. It's just hard to say goodbye to a baby thats heart is beating inside of you. I never heard a heartbeat for the first lost baby, as it had died pre my 12 week scan, which is making it even harder.
If you've been through anything similar and have any learnings, advice I'd love to hear from you. For example, I do not want to wait until 3 recurrent miscarriages to have tests to find out what is going wrong!

[squizita]

I would recommend calling the miscarriage association helpline- they are very knowledgeable.

I am a bit concerned that your Harley St Dr was so quick to diagnose - at 7 weeks if a HB is seen, even if it is small, they will wait for the next scan.
Also recurrent miscarriage is NOT a condition or a diagnosis. It is the term usually used for 3 losses in a row ... And even when this happens, there are several possible diagnosis or it could just be bad luck. It isn't a condition/illness itself. And certainly not after 2 (one of which doesn't sound like a loss yet even), when it is most likely to be two unfortunate but unrelated losses.

I would seek a 2nd opinion personally, as I said the miscarriage association have excellent info, also Prof Lesley Regan has a very clear book about it.

I hope the 8 week scan shows a dating error and a heartbeat! Good luck.

[squizita]

... Take care with aspirin, it can be dangerous as it thins the blood. When prescribed in pregnancy its the 75mg heart aspirin that's given, once a day.
Bed rest doesn't do anything BTW.

Also, don't worry about "many" lost babies - sadly I do miscarry repeatedly, after 3 the NHS tested and treated me and I am now 29 weeks. After 2 it is most likely you'll succeed the next time... And tbh you have a hb at 7 weeks so may well be OK.

[TheScenicRoute]

A21
I'm so sorry. I do hope miracles can happen.

The only thing I can offer is that there is treatment for miscarriage, you can get the help you need if it comes to that. Please please try to hold in your mind that they have a number of tricks up their slevees for helping you in the future. One thing medical science can not do anything about is when your fertilised egg can not/ does not implant, however you have twice achieved this amazing feat. There's hope, there is definitely hope when you find it possible to get pregnant in the first place. I'm thinking about you. I hope my post hasn't upset you, I would hate to do that to you, but there is hope ahead of you. I promise that. X look after yourself. X

[mssleepyhead]

As others have said, I very much hope your current pregnancy continues for you, but if it doesn't there is hope. A close friend of mine had 4 miscarriages with no diagnosed cause. It was very difficult, but in her fifth pregnancy she is now about 28 weeks and all seems well. Sady, I think two miscarriages is actually horribly common but try to take heart from the fact that many go on to have healthy pregnancies afterwards. The very best of luck.

[Monten]

alock I'm so sorry you have had worrying news. But as squizita says, at the moment you have a baby with a heartbeat that is measuring small for your dates. That doesn't mean you're having a miscarriage. I had a similar situation to you and unfortunately at my next scan it was confirmed the baby had died. However, that does not mean the same outcome is a forgone conclusion for you. Perhaps your dates are slightly out and you ovulated later than thought? I'm very surprised your doctor was so negative.

As squizita also says, if it is bad news that doesn't mean you will definitely go on to have recurrent miscarriages. It could be two instances of bad luck, it does happen. It's happened twice to me and am staying positive it won't happen again.

scenicroute not sure if I misunderstood your post but there are many things that can be done for couples experiencing infertility.

squizita congrats on your pregnancy

[TheScenicRoute]

Monten. I know, this was my 6th IVF, I could nt get pregnant and there was nothing they could do to help, I needed to initial miracle of implantation and then they could offer me lots to help support a pregnancy once achieved. A21, good luck, I've been thinking about you a lot this evening. X

[Alock21]

Thanks for everyones kind words and advice. You are right that I shouldn't be calling it recurrent miscarriage yet - it just feels it going that way.
Last night and this morning, I started to get some light bleeding, as if I was coming on my period which of course could be the start of the miscarriage. I am partly praying that at my scan on Friday, there will still be a heartbeat but also, if I am going to miscarry, i would prefer it to be natural as don't want to go have to hospital for the removal procedure again.
They say you feel like you are in 'limbo' which is absolutely right! Sorry to anyone who has gone through the same thing and good luck to everyone who has had good news x

[IWantDogger]

Hi there, how are you getting on ? Been thinking of you as I'm in a similar situation though haven't had any bleeding so far. I'm going back for my second scan on Tuesday, have you had another scan yet? Wishing you well - the waiting and wondering is awful.

[Alock21]

Hi IWantDogger, unfortunately at the follow up scan (8 weeks) this morning we were told that the heartbeat we heard last week, had stopped. Obviously devastated but that doesn't mean you will have the same result. I think it's best to prepare yourself for the worst (as I had) and then if it's good news, amazing.
I am obviously devastated to lose another baby but in a way, it feels good to know the situation as I have been in total limbo for the last week, wondering if a miracle would happen.
I have been prescribed medication to induce a miscarriage this weekend which is terrifying. I think it will really hit home then. However, once the miscarriage is over, I hope to be able to begin to heal. Although gutted that the doctor has said he wants us to wait for 3 x periods before starting to try again so we are a long way off getting back to where we want to be.
I wish you the best of luck - let me know how you get on as it rare to find someone going through exactly the same thing as you at the same time x

[freelancegirl]

So sorry for your loss. Miscarriage can hit you hard. Please do go over to the miscarriage boards on mumsnet as you will find a lot of support there. I've had 7 pregnancies and one baby but I know so many people who have had one or two miscarriages as then gone on to have a baby soon after. Like the others say you will not be offered any help or be seen as having had recurrent miscarriages until you have three in a row. But if you want to have private tests before that The Miscarriage Clinic on Harley St or Newlife Clinic in Surrey (same people) who I was treated by are excellent and feel that people should be offered tests before they have a third. Of course it's private so not cheap.

[IWantDogger]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope the weekend goes ok and it is over quickly without too much pain. I am trying to prepare for the worst whilst hoping for the best but I know it's not looking great for me. My only hope is that the sonographer was mistaken with her measurements (6w 1d) as if she is correct then that would mean I would have tested positive impossibly early (midday 7 days after conception), plus the digital test I did said. 2-3 wks from conception. I thought I must be at least 7 wks along. Anyway, my thoughts are with you and I will see what Tuesday brings for me.

[Alock21]

Hope you are okay IWantDogger. I went back to work yesterday and feel a lot more 'normal'! Good to get out of the house and see people as part of healing process and keep busy I find!

[AFergie]

Im very sorry for all you have been through Alock, it is so horrible loosing a baby. So devastating.

This is what happened to me and I hope it will make you feel a bit more positive.
My first pregnancy was fine until the 12 week scan which showed the baby's heart beat stopped at 11 weeks. No particular reason, it just stopped. 2 month later I fell pregnant again and had a miscarriage at 7 weeks. Again no medical explanation, it just happened. 2 months later I fell pregnant again.. I was so scared. My pregnancy was text book and very straightforward and I now have the most beautiful and healthy 3 year old. I tried to have another baby last year. Fell pregnant and miscarried at 5 weeks. Tried again a month later and have now the most beautiful 6 month old.

All these miscarriages were so so upsetting. Some days I just couldn't get out of bed. I felt like the doctors and midwives were not giving me enough support, no one was giving me any valid ' explanation', I felt so let down. I wanted to do tests and get answers but doctors kept telling me it was not uncommon and to just be a little more patient. In my case they were right, nothing in particular was wrong it was just nature.

With hindsight now this is what I would say: dont give up. Nature is very cruel but also very well made, often when a woman miscarries its because something wasn't right with the baby, and even though a miscarriage is heart breaking, its probably better than a bigger and harder heartbreak later. Miscarrying does not mean something is wrong with you, it just probably mean this time something wasn't right.

it is so hard to not think of, what if there is a problem? Is it something I have done? etc the best thing to do is to look after yourself. Its very important..Take the time you need to grieve for your loss, rely on your partner and make sure you gradually get yourself to a better place. Try as much as you can to stay positive. I could not speak about my miscarriages without crying for years, it took me a lot of time to be able to take a step back on the whole situation, and obviously having had children now makes it easier to look back. You will have your baby. Many of my friends have had miscarriages and they have all went on to have a baby. Give yourself time to deal with the situation, get support from your friends and family, keep in mind miscarriages are unfortunately so so common and women who have them go on to have beautiful children.

Sending you lots of strength in this really tough time.

X

[kitkat321]

I'm so sorry to hear your news :( Take care of yourself OP.

I had 2 miscarriages within about 10 weeks last year - both at around 5 weeks.

I took a break for a few months and then decided to try again and fell pregnant first time - I'm now 19 weeks and still a bit nervous but just taking each day at a time and setting small milestones. So there is hope and please don't think the worst - I did and assumed I'd never have a successful pregnancy but I'm half way there now.

xx

[bakingtins]

alock I'm very sorry you lost your babies. Do come over to the miscarriage board (body and soul section of talk) for more support. There is a recurrent miscarriage thread there if you have questions about testing. You can pay privately for testing at this stage but do bear on mind that even after 3MC in a row only 50% of women will get a diagnosis from the standard tests. A second MC is very difficult to deal with, it's hard to swallow the 'bad luck' line a second time but you are not taken seriously as someone with a problem.

[IWantDogger]

Hi alock, yes unfortunately things did not end well for me either. At my scan last Tuesday (can't believe it was less than a week ago, feels like forever) I was told there had only been a little more growth and the heartbeat had stopped.
I went to epu on thurs, they won't accept private scan so I have to go back this thurs for a second scan. I'm yet to have any spotting or cramping so I guess its a missed miscarriage. I can have erpc on fri if nothing's happened by then.
It's very hard indeed. It feels very dragged out and I just want it to be over. I'm trying not to think about what I'm carrying round inside but I still feel a bit nauseous which is a constant reminder. I only do part time free lance work so not been working but have been carrying on as normal taking dd2 to groups etc, it is hard tho seeing little babies and pregnant friends when I'm still in the middle of this.
Hope you are doing ok.

[Alock21]

IWantDogger sorry to hear you are still in limbo. Did you want to share your email and we could chat offline as we are have gone through a similar thing at the same time? Might be able to offer each other some words of wisdom without carrying on this thread forever!

[IWantDogger]

Thankyou for the offer , Alock, I do appreciate it, but I'm not sure how much more I want to talk about it at the moment. I hope that you are doing ok physically and emotionally and wish you all the best for the future. I am feeling like its v likely now not to happen naturally before I can hopefully have an ERPC on Friday, which to be honest is a relief.