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Got BFP partner not happy :(

(11 Posts)
shopa88 Tue 24-Jun-14 11:02:37

Hi everyone I apologise if this is in the wrong place but I am new to the forum.

I just got my BFP last night and my fiance is so down about it. He is aware that I came off my pill last month as I wanted to start trying & have had friends and family that have trouble concieving after the pill so I was eager to get the ball rolling.

In the meantime he has proposed and we were all set for planning a wedding for next summer. I planned to go straight back on the pill when my period came but it didn't make an appearance so I tested and got 2 positives sad

He says he is just disappointed but he is hardly speaking to me and looks so down its breaking my heart. What can I do to make him feel better? I feel so helpless sad

YouMakeMeHappy Tue 24-Jun-14 11:06:05

That's a shame. It's never a good idea to have a baby when one half of the partnership isn't on board.

I don't think there is much you can say, how old are you? How long have you been a couple?

ForTheLoveOfSocks Tue 24-Jun-14 11:06:52

Feel better?? He needs to grow up. If he wasn't ready he should have used a condom or not had sex

I'm sorry he making you feel like this

shopa88 Tue 24-Jun-14 11:08:26

I'm 26. We have been together for 5 years and bought a house together nearly 2 years ago so we are committed to each other.

shopa88 Tue 24-Jun-14 11:31:53

My mum just thinks he is just in shock. At the end of the day although neither of us thought it was going to happen so quickly we were both aware that we were having unprotected sex there was always a chance of it happening.

He is such a loving caring man normally I am just shocked by this reaction. I just feel like he's annoyed with me and I have done nothing wrong.

RAFWife12 Tue 24-Jun-14 11:37:04

I'm sure he is just in shock, and will come around. He probably didn't expect it to happen so soon. Also - as you just got engaged and were planning a wedding next year, he is probably worrying about money.
Can you sit him down and try to talk to him about how he is feeling?

SandwichBag Tue 24-Jun-14 11:44:45

I agree, he is probably in shock! I know my partner was and we are older, been together longer and trying longer than you.

I think it can take a while for the men in our lives to get their heads around it and feel a part of it. I know my partner didn't really become excited until he could see my tummy getting bigger and then started to bond with my bump once he could feel kicks etc...

Idontseeanyicegiants Tue 24-Jun-14 11:52:15

It does sound like shock.
When we found out I was expecting our eldest DH didn't say a word, just decided that now was the best time to fix the car indicator. He came back in 15 minutes later and said 'so we'll have a baby by Christmas?' And that was that. Third time he almost fainted...
He soon got over himself though and adores our brood!
Don't let him wallow in it though, it's an explanation not an excuse, and don't let him upset you thanks

shopa88 Tue 24-Jun-14 11:56:43

Thanks everyone. I tried talking to him yesterday but just kept getting one word answers. It was like talking to a stroppy teenager lol. He is at work now so I will see how he is when he gets home.

mrsnlw Tue 24-Jun-14 12:17:44

Shopa, my husband and I have been together nearly 11 years and children had always been on the cards for us but I had been told at 16 I may have trouble conceiving. We planned to come off contraception in Oct 2013 and start trying and envisaged it could take 12 months, maybe more for us. I took a test on 3 December as I felt something wasn't quite "right" and got my BFP. I was elated and over the moon, hubby seemed very quiet, not excited and not happy. This got my worrying thinking he didn't want our baby etc and we even had "the conversation" as to whether this was what he wanted. It turned out he was just shocked it had happened so fast as we fell pregnant 3 weeks after I came off contraception and was 4 weeks pregnant when we got our BFP.

Give him some time, and some space too. We ladies become attached and excited from the first BFP we get and for men it can be different. My husband became excited and more involved at our scans (I had one at 8 weeks and one at 12) and became really excited and involved at the 2 week scan. Our LO is due 10 August and now, I can happily talk to him about being a Daddy and about the baby but if I had done this at the start, would have had my head bitten off.

Best of luck - Hope my experience helps you x

ohthegoats Tue 24-Jun-14 12:21:42

I'd say that my boyf was the same - I'm 40, he's 37, we made a conscious decision to not use contraception, thinking it might take a year or so (if it happened at all) - to the point that we planned loads of festivals and holidays this year, and only got a 3 year fixed rate on the mortgage so he could have an 'out' if he decided he REALLY wanted kids and I couldn't give them to him.

3 weeks later, the 'I'm pregnant' conversation. Massive shock for both of us.

Give him time... it took ME about 4 months to get my head around it!

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