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Just found out - don't know where to start!

(18 Posts)
PerfectlyPosed Tue 17-Jun-14 13:45:20

I've just found out I'm pregnant. Very excited but overwhelmed to say the least. Don't know who to tell and when or how I can possibly keep a secret until the necessary time.

Am also supposed to be bridesmaid 10 days after suspected due date. The bride is going to kill me!

Plus I'm gagging for a cigarette. I'm not a heavy smoker but had I known the one I had yesterday lunchtime was going to be my last...

Any advice very welcome please x

junemami Tue 17-Jun-14 14:00:45

As for what you need to do - start taking folic acid or pregnancy multivitamins (which has folic acid in), look up what food to avoid (mainly undercooked meat & unpasteurised dairy), cut out alcohol for first 12 weeks, reduce caffeine etc

Who you need to tell, entirely up to you! I didn't want to tell anyone who I wouldn't be comfortable telling if I went on to have a miscarriage, so only my dh and best friend, until a few weeks after my 12w scan.

You need to contact your midwife (usually through gp surgery), for a booking appt at roughly 8-10 weeks. Also would be a good idea to find out what maternity benefits are at work (though don't need to tell them yet).

Prob lots I've missed out but sure others will be along soon

PerfectlyPosed Tue 17-Jun-14 14:06:56

Thanks junemami! I have started taking folic acid and kind of know which foods to avoid (mostly my favourites!). Will restrict who I tell but may need to rope a few people in to help with the cover up. Feel like my mum would be disappointed if I didn't tell her straight away but then I know that would mean my DP's parents should know.

So do I ring my GP and ask for an appointment with the midwife?

I don't think anyone has ever had a baby at my company (work in education so all a bit older and already have children) so don't know where I can find information without speaking to them.

BeckaH123 Tue 17-Jun-14 14:15:13


I read about giving up smoking and what a difference it makes in pregnancy! Even if you smoked a bit before you realised you were pregnant the difference is huge, so you are doing a lot for your baby by quitting now!

Good advice above. You should take folic acid and vitamin d, read what foods to avoid on the NHS website and make an appointment at your GP surgery.

I am in a similar position with the bridesmaid problem (will be huge by the time I am bridesmaid). I felt so bad about it and worried the bride would go mad, but she was just excited for me and really understanding. She immediately phoned the dressmaker and asked them to add some extra fabric for me which was so kind.

I chose only to tell my DH, Dad, sister and one friend before the 12 week scan. I only told my friend and family as DH was away with work and I was on my own. If anything had happened I knew I would have to rely on my family and didn't want to surprise them. I also had to tell my HR rep at work so she could carry out a risk assessment ASAP, but my HR Team here are excellent and very strict about confidentiality. I am sure yours would be the same if you had to tell them for some reason.

Good luck with it all and congratulations again.

PerfectlyPosed Tue 17-Jun-14 14:21:03

Thanks Becka and congratulations to you too. I know smoking is bad and I won't do it but being told I can't have another one is a bit of a shock to the system! I know it will get easier though.

Well I'm due just before the wedding so basically can't be bridesmaid which does make me quite sad. My friend has even said that she wants no babies or pregnant people even at her wedding but I would like to hope she'll make an exception for me. It's so sweet that your friend is doing that for you, just hope a day on your feet isn't too uncomfortable.

I think I will tell my 2 best friends (they will know straight away anyway), my mum and sister and DP's parents.

May have to mention to my boss as supposed to be going away with work in a couple of weeks time.

BeckaH123 Tue 17-Jun-14 14:25:56

Aw I used to smoke so can sympathise! Best of luck to you. smile

Mummymidwife87 Tue 17-Jun-14 15:36:14

Depends where you live regarding booking with a hospital.

Do a bit of research on local maternity units. Some you can self refer and others via GP

PerfectlyPosed Tue 17-Jun-14 15:43:47

Thanks Mummymidwife. I will have a look. Phoned up to cancel an appointment this morning, should have asked then but was still a bit dazed. Never thought this day would come!

Heatherbell1978 Tue 17-Jun-14 16:28:08

Congrats:-) I was also a tad overwhelmed even though we were trying and baby is totally planned! If I were you I'd tell a few close people including the bride! I was a bridesmaid a few weeks ago ( I'm now 32 wks) so told the bride early on before she bought dresses. I actually had a m/c with my first at 6 wks then fell pregnant again immediately. I don't regret telling the people I did before I had the m/c as I would have told them about that anyway. Just focus on getting your first midwife appointment arranged and keeping healthy. I didn't start buying things and really focusing on it all until we had the 20 wk scan. Now I can't wait!

ViviPru Tue 17-Jun-14 16:38:15

My friend has even said that she wants no... pregnant people... at her wedding

OMG really?! that's outrageous!

Anyway, congrats OP. We didn't tell anyone until after 12 week scan (last week) and only then our closest relatives. It wasn't hard to keep it private. people are so self-absorbed.

You probably need to tell the bride as a priority, but don't feel obliged to do so till after your scan. Going on the above she sounds a bit... tense... and her reaction could stress you out, which you don't need.

PerfectlyPosed Tue 17-Jun-14 16:39:42

Thanks Heather. The bride is included in my 2 best friends that I would have to tell as I know they would guess straight away. She is away now but I will tell them when I see them on Friday. I can understand if she doesn't want me to be bridesmaid anymore - although I'm very aware there is every possibility that I may not even be able to attend the wedding - but I hope I can still be involved. I've already made lots of plans for her hen do!

Best of luck with your baby smile

PerfectlyPosed Tue 17-Jun-14 16:42:39

ViviPru, I think she was joking. Well I hope she was joking! I just have some very perceptive friends but will avoid social situations as much as I can and do a lot of driving using weight loss/lack of money as an excuse.

Congratulations on your baby!

ViviPru Tue 17-Jun-14 16:50:45

Thanks! I was astounded how easy it has been to go under the radar in social situations as I thought those around me were pretty perceptive, although I have barely any symptoms which makes it easier...

PerfectlyPosed Tue 17-Jun-14 16:54:41

Fingers crossed I'll be the same then smile

Luckily I don't drink that much anymore anyway so that will easily go unnoticed, I just think anyone who knows me will pick up on the no smoking (a colleague even asked me today if there was a problem). I personally don't think I smoke much but clearly I do!

kaykayblue Tue 17-Jun-14 17:09:47

You can use the excuse one of my friends used, which was a killer!

She said she was desperate to quite smoking, but she found it impossible to stick to after having a drink, so she was going to quit booze at the same time to help her get off the fags.

Then if people asked after a few weeks she just said that she felt so much better without the booze and fags that she was going to go a bit longer, and to make sure that she didn't slip up with the cigarettes.

Then of course a few months later she told us she was preggo. We had no idea!!!!

PerfectlyPosed Tue 17-Jun-14 18:06:37

Ha that's a very good idea kaykay! A few of my friends were lucky enough to have dry January as an excuse and one gave up booze for lent.

JennyBlueWren Tue 17-Jun-14 19:14:10

I just found out at the weekend and the who to tell thing is quite tricky. I was sticking to just parents but we're staying with my brother this weekend so will probably tell him -so I'll have to tell my other brother too.
My DH has already told two of his friends -one for the reaction and one for support/advice so I think it'll spread quickly through that group of friends -we're the last to have children and everyone's been waiting!

I'm in education too and we seem to have a steady rotation of folk on maternity -one just back and one next week- but don't know when to tell the head. Might tell her when I say I need time off for the appointment. As I work in nursery I have a tight team and unsure when to tell them. Certainly would tell if I got sickness but already with tiredness and drinking peppermint tea "think I should cut down on caffeine" I think I'll tell them sooner. I think if they do comment/joke about my app next week I'll say then.

PerfectlyPosed Tue 17-Jun-14 20:34:57

It's hard isn't it? I told DP I want to tell my mum sooner rather than later so she can get used to the idea as she won't be happy about it. But if I tell her I feel we should tell DP's parents. And then I feel bad about my sister. I think I will just see how I feel as I see them and decide what to do from there. DP seems more keen than me to keep it quiet until first scan but I don't know if I'll manage that.

Congratulations Jenny x

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