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(179 Posts)
Jael123 Thu 12-Jun-14 13:48:06

I'm 18, just recently turned 18. Ive been trying for a baby with my boyfriend, we have been planning this all for the last 6 months, this really is what we want, we have a good income (we don't currently have any benefits and we plan to not rely on them)I came off my mini pill 1 week ago, I'm having heavy bleeding now, I presume this is my period.what do I need to know, what's important. I've googled and googled but I want really advice. How long do you think it will take for me to fall pregnant etc?

Anything would help, thankyou!

gymboywalton Thu 12-Jun-14 13:50:56

where do you live?

Jael123 Thu 12-Jun-14 13:52:00


Blueuggboots Thu 12-Jun-14 13:53:14

I think you need to do more research!

Singlesuzie Thu 12-Jun-14 13:54:30

It can take 30 seconds to get pregnant or 3 years. Or anything in between or beyond. No-one here can tell you.

Jael123 Thu 12-Jun-14 13:54:40

I'm aware I am not pregnant, I wanted someone to help me out, how long till I can get pregnant? I'm really trying people have adviced folic acid Etc

Blueuggboots Thu 12-Jun-14 13:55:23

Why do you want to have a baby at 18? Why not have some life first?

gymboywalton Thu 12-Jun-14 13:56:31

do you and your boyfriend have a home together?
what you need to know is that planning a baby at 18 is interesting decision.

having a baby is a huge amount of pressure and stress and at 18, why would you want that?

i know i might get flamed for this, but i really think you should reconsider your decision and get some real life experiences under your belt so that when you do have a child, you have lots to offer it. Contrary to popular thought, love is NOT all that you need.

Jael123 Thu 12-Jun-14 13:56:49

Replies like that are not helping, it's a life choice that I've seriously thought about and I plan to carry out. Raising a baby is the life I want, I've got a good education com

Jael123 Thu 12-Jun-14 13:56:59


Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 12-Jun-14 13:57:05

How long is a piece of string? It could take you the first time you try or months. Months is normal though. Some people can take years. But at least you're taking folic acid, which is a good thing to do.

Jael123 Thu 12-Jun-14 13:57:41

Completed** and I'm happy, people judging my choices are not what I want to hear

Jael123 Thu 12-Jun-14 14:01:03

We have extremely good family support as well as good jobs, we both have good qualifications, a good income etc. We are currently living at home as we have stable life's at our parents houses, however we do have the money to move into our own house/flat

gymboywalton Thu 12-Jun-14 14:06:07

people judging your choices is exactly what you will get if you go ahead.

seriously-you are your boyfriend should have a go at living together before you have a baby. you can love someone dearly and think they are amazing until you have to share a bathroom with them or until you realise that they never replace the loo roll or whatever.
to have that stress along with the stress of a new baby would be horrendous.

Jael123 Thu 12-Jun-14 14:11:56

We don't spend nights apart we live at his, and then we will go back and live at mine for a few days/weeks- we are constantly with each other- I know all the silly things that he does to stress me out or annoy me haha

Jael123 Thu 12-Jun-14 14:12:44

Look either way, I'm going ahead with it- I just want some advice on what I need to do when I become pregnant etc

Blueuggboots Thu 12-Jun-14 14:27:02

You need to avoid soft cheeses, pate, eating too much fish (especially tuna, shark and other fish containing high levels of mercury).
You need to take folic acid (which you are doing).
Make a note of what date your period starts each month. You should ovulate around day 12-17 of a 28 day cycle but everyone I'd different and this is just an idea. Have lots of sex on the days you should be ovulating.
I was TWICE your age when I had my DS, and being a parent is truly the hardest job I have ever had.
I'm glad I waited until is done something with my life.

Jael123 Thu 12-Jun-14 14:32:24

Thankyou for the advice. Can I just also say, my mother had me when she was 17, she had 4 children(me and my siblings) under the age of 4 before she was 21, she's done a great job of bringing us up and yes I'm aware that people will judge me, but I think is a very awful thing to do especially when this is a site for people to come to hoping to have help. Also my mum never regretted her decision, she wanted a baby that early.

TwigletFiend Thu 12-Jun-14 14:47:37

I sincerely hope you are as prepared as you think, not just because of your age but because parenthood is a hard, hard thing and you will need to get used to people being a little taken aback at your choices. I'm not saying it's right, but I also think you'd better get used to being mature about it and just brushing it off with a smile, because it's going to happen a lot and pregnancy is stressful enough as it is!

I'm glad you have lots of support, though it's worth noting that things change very quickly RE advice etc, so your mum's 'medical' knowledge and experiences may now be a bit outdated - without wishing to be rude, if you are as lacking in good, reliable knowledge as you sound, I would probably consult your GP. They will be able to give you the most up-to-date advice on things and also advise you of the ante-natal care options in your area as it differs a lot from region to region, which is something you should think about before you conceive, as afterwards it can feel a bit overwhelming and panic-inducing.

Singlesuzie Thu 12-Jun-14 14:49:09

Raising a baby is the life I want,

raising a baby isn't a lifelong thing. babies are babies for about 3 years, then they go to nursery then school and you are left twiddling your thumbs. get a bit of living behind you and find out who you are before committing yourself to a dependant for 18 years (minimum)

I was like you at 18, with my 'long term' (ha! at 18?) partner and planned our first child. it's not what you think it will be.

Jael123 Thu 12-Jun-14 14:55:08

Can we just imagine I said I was 26 then? Then what would you all be saying (thankyou for all the help that people have given me) my choice hasn't wavered at all, I'm still happy to go ahead with my plan, my boyfriend talks about this 24/7 he really wants to have a baby with me. We are both completely in this together and it really is what we want despite our age.

Singlesuzie Thu 12-Jun-14 15:05:49

but you're not 26 though. you're 18, fresh out of school with a boyfriend you don't even live with.
stabilise your life. move in together, (do you intend to get married? it makes things more secure for lower earner and child) work out how money will be split, where is good for schools, can you afford to live there, can you afford it on your own if you split up, will you get SMP (have you been in your job long enough), who will provide childcare, will you reduce working hours, will he?, how much maternity leave will you take, how much will he take, what about savings.

my advice (other than go see the world and hang out with friends for another ten years) is live together first for at least 6 months (you don't need to get pregnant this instant do you?) 6 months is nothing in the grand scheme of your child bearing years and if you are sure now then you will be just as sure in 6 months, right? live together, talk about all these details, then talk again and again till you are both sure and agreed on how it will all work. don't have a baby unless you are both in agreement. this is a child, such a massive thing to do. don't fuck it up out of impatience.

Blueuggboots Thu 12-Jun-14 15:18:40

People who have already done this ARE giving you advice. You may not like the advice, but it's advice all the same!
Having a baby at 18 by choice is, IMO, MADNESS. But there you go. Each to his own!

squizita Thu 12-Jun-14 15:24:19

Jael if you were 26, I would say the same as I'm saying now which is: you need to live for a few months with your DP before baby to ensure that you can look after each other/yourself. I know plenty of 20-somethings who get a shock when they do that, it's not age related.

I'm not saying wait till you're 30 - I'm saying a few months planning and preparation might really help.

Also on that topic, (again, regardless of age) you seem quite naive and all about what you 'want' vs reality (you've admitted you need lots of advice). Be careful of wishing for something too much and deciding before you have all the information.
People of all ages decide they WANT a baby, new job, new life abroad or whatever and those who don't do the research before often struggle and get "stung" by the reality whereas those who have spent a few months looking into things have a better time. So you could:
-talk really brutally honestly to some mums who live with their parents or have just moved out about life/baby/income;
-talk about the medical side with your GP or local nurse;
-look into local childcare and costs - plus any credits you'll get towards these (most jobs at 18, even good ones, would mean you'd be eligible pay wise)
-Make plans. Not just "I want a baby" but who will work/stay at home, do you need a new car?, finances ... all those boring things.
Then start the ovulation calendars.

I would give exactly the same advice to someone 18, 28 or 38 if they had the same posts as you.

oliveobsessed Thu 12-Jun-14 15:37:13

just started the TTC conceive journey as well and had some brilliant advice from our local nurse i'll try to bullet it below:
1) talk to your local nurse practioner about stopping current contraception so you understand how it leaves your body and how it responds.
2) folic acid about 400ug (i think per day)
3) stop smoking/drugs (if you already do)
4) both potential parents cut down massively on alcohol
5) do some research on what foods that you can eat whilst pregnant
6) have lots of sex every other day
7) relax and dont get stressed about it.

From a personal opinion please move in with your boyfriend living at parents houses doesn't give you the same understanding of someone as just you two living in your own house being responsible for all the cleaning, food shop, rent, bills etc.
Research how much childcare is for when you go back to work and if you can either afford to just live on your partners wage or if you will have to work.
Look into local schools and nursery.
Ensure that you both have life/critical illness insurance as if one of you gets ill or dies how are you going to support a house and a baby.
Are you entitled to maternity pay from where you work, for how long and how much is it - can you afford to take the pay cut.
Do either of you drive, can you get to the hospital easily.
What else do you both want from life other than a baby e.g. if you both want to travel around Australia for 4 weeks it will not be practical with a baby, toddler, young child, or teenager in tow.
Are you both prepared to give up the next 18 years (at least) of your life to look after someone else.

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