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help to stop the suicidle thoughts.

(23 Posts)
yummymummy03122010 Wed 04-Jun-14 16:48:04

Well i wrote a post not long ago asking for help of how to get through 12 weeks sanely as i found out i was pregnant after 3 miscarriges. Nearly 6 weeks. And today heavy bleeding sad which makes it my 4th in a row. Why is this happening to me? What have i done wrong to deserve it apart from wanting the baby so bad. I just cannot get through this one an try to carry on. I just cant do it anymore!

CoolCat2014 Wed 04-Jun-14 17:09:30

It's not your fault, you haven't done anything to deserve such a shitty time off it, all I can say is I'm so sorry for your loss. I've never been through anything like it myself, so I know I don't know what it feels like, but I've been through severe depression and suicidalness in the past over other issues so couldn't not comment.

Take one step at a time, and get some support - trusted friends or family, or professional counselling. I know where I live the local pregnancy crisis centre offer counselling for loss. Really hope you can find some help, just take it easy on yourself. It's not your fault.

CoolCat2014 Wed 04-Jun-14 17:10:09

Should have said don't know....

Inglori0us Wed 04-Jun-14 17:22:19

Please call your GP if you're having suicidal thoughts. I can not understand how truly awful this must be for you, but you must get support to help get through this.
Have you tried the MN miscarriage section? People over there will be able to advise you.
Take care.

Tea1Sugar Wed 04-Jun-14 17:28:26

I've never been in your position so can't imagine how you must be feeling but please be kind to yourself and I agree, do see your GP x

MrsCK Wed 04-Jun-14 18:19:57

Please speak to the doctors about the bleeding and mcs. There could be something they can do. The very least may be to refer you to counselling and put you onto anti depressants. ..which are a life saver...literally.

You have not done anything wrong and I know right now you need answers so blaming yourself is an easy way to explain why this is happening but it just may not be true!!!

I'm sending you a hug, a cup of tea and a nudge to phone your doctor xxx

Waitinggame8 Wed 04-Jun-14 19:16:33

So sorry to hear that this has happened.
I have had 2 previous MC. One had to be medical removal and the second just happened as we were getting used to the idea of being pregnant.
Previous to these I had been through 3 years of fertility treatment with my ex partner which did not work and caused added complications to my health.
I can totally understand where you are coming from with 'why me!' Especially when all around others seem to just think about babies and fall pregnant.
The best advise I can give and agree with many of the others is just take each day one at a time. Speak to your GP and if you feel it will help maybe seek counselling? I'm not great with stuff like that but brilliant friends as well as using a journal to literally get all I was feeling off my chest helped me to come to terms with it.
The light at the end of the tunnel is that completely unexpectedly last October my new partner and I discovered we were pregnant again. All the previous worries surfaced as you can imagine and we had to just take each day and each week as it came and try not to get too excited. I am now sitting here with 1 week to go until our bundle of joy arrives as it kicks lumps out of me ��.
We had accepted that it may never happen and even discussed fostering or adopting, but since we are 39 and 42 this was not always an easy option.

Again I am so sorry this has happened to you again, take the time to grieve, but also to take care of yourself. Suicidal and negative thoughts will not serve a purpose to anyone, and won't get you closer to your dream. Ask for help, people will give it willingly, and never ever think that you have done something wrong. There are options and alternatives out there if you want to have a family so see where they take you.

Lots of hugs to you and please look after yourself for a positive future.

squizita Wed 04-Jun-14 19:27:47

Please see a GP about your thoughts.

The miscarriage association can also help.

Have you had tests etc? You should have been referred by now for tests on the NHS. They can give a lot of answers. I had them, am now 25 weeks pregnant on medication; without tests I would have just had loads more losses.

yummymummy03122010 Wed 04-Jun-14 19:41:25

Ive been to my gp today. He just told me to get over it and i should be used to it by now. He said im obviously doing somethung wrong to be having so many. I just dont know what to do with myself. Cant stop crying. I only had a scan 2 days ago as they thought i was having an ectopic. I wasnt an it was a viable pregnancy. Couldnt see a heart beat though as it was too small. 2 days ago i thought id lost it. But i hadnt and now this. I cant deal with it xxx

Zara8 Wed 04-Jun-14 21:48:15

Oh my god, your GP sounds atrocious, OP. First port of call is finding a more sensitive one, that perhaps has experience of recurrent miscarriage?

I'm so sorry for your losses. Please find a new GP who can help you get mental support to help you through this difficult time. Not one who dismisses your very valid feelings.

Observer78 Wed 04-Jun-14 22:12:53

Yummy, first port of call tomorrow - your local authorities PALS office. Starting your search here might be of help -
Your GP is a useless piece of crap. You're in a vulnerable individual in your hour of need (be it a viral infection or a miscarriage), that is no way for a human being, let alone medical professional to treat others.

Many of us have been in your situation (MC's), and many don't feel great about future. However, with appropriate help we are soldiering on - some pregnant, some receiving fertility treatments, some getting a helping to sustain a pregnancy. We've some network of support, which is incredibly important. That is what you need now.

Everyone's different, some people benefit from counselling, some from getting the ball rolling in their quest to parenthood, some from getting some answers to questions whirling around our heads. You may want one, or all of those things, and for that to happen you have to get a decent GP, or insist your current one stops being an inadequate waste of space and gets you some help NOW.

Early MC really isn't the end of the world, I promise. Multiples are frightening, upsetting, but rectifiable. Take some comfort from the fact that you can fall pregnant (many don't develop eggs, some have eggs that don't fertilise, etc.). That's a HUGE advantage, trust me.
Miscarriages may just be a very, very unlucky run. Or there could be something other than chromosomal issues that's causing them. Many things now can be helped - endometriosis can be lasered off, NK suppressed, blood disorders kept under control, etc.
Which area are you? I know of a GOD of a doctor who deals with miscarriages (one of his specialties).

Don't get sad, turn something negative into something positive. You know - death - that's permanent. Don't try to catch up with it sooner than you should, you've years to get there.

UML Wed 04-Jun-14 22:15:54

You need to see a different GP and put in a complaint about your current one.

Miscarriages can happen for many reasons it could simply be that it just wasn't a viable pregnancy but when you have had three that is when they should investigate ... It could potentially be something that something can be done about or at least an investigation should give you a reason for maybe why things are happening ...

Please don't feel down it is understandable why you do because you need a lot of support to get through this and you obviously are not getting this from your gp...

I had two miscarriages and both ended even though there was a heartbeat detected and I even had some large clots come out when I was expecting my first child which was terrifying but the preg went ok..

It is a very difficult thing to cope with, please get support!

squizita Thu 05-Jun-14 08:45:53

He said im obviously doing somethung wrong to be having so many.

You are doing NOTHING wrong. Not only is he offensive he is clinically incorrect: even the most inexperienced Dr or nurse knows most early losses are either genetic or an implantation/blood problem. After 4, there's a 50% chance you have a treatable condition such as 'sticky blood' or a thyroid issue ... NOT your fault, just an illness that only flares up during pregnancy! And can be medicated.
Complain to PALS and ensure that this phrase is mentioned. Read up on possible causes:
If you're feeling too down to push this find someone (DP, friend) to support you.
If you have the funds, you can get tests done privately for (approx) £300 in many places.

It's very very tough right now but it's NOT your fault and your GP should be referring you for tests.

beccajoh Thu 05-Jun-14 08:53:17

Massive hugs. I can't imagine what you're going through and your GP is bonkers saying it's your fault. A lady on another forum I use had recurring miscarriages (think she had five) before they discovered she had a thyroid issue that was quite easily sorted. I'm sure I read somewhere that the NHS should be doing tests and investigations once you've had three miscarriages.

MTWTFSS Thu 05-Jun-14 09:01:28

When I moved area and had to see a new GP I had the disgusting experience. I made a doctors app as I had a medical question and after I asked the doctor the question he asked me "are you retarded?". I walked straight out and went to see a different GP. Sounds like you also need to find a new GP.

((hugs)) I am so very sorry for your loss. It is 100% not your fault and you should never get used to losing a pregnancy!!!

nicename Thu 05-Jun-14 09:02:38

Your doctor is a fool. See another one, and write a complaint to - well I'm not sure who (surgery head?).

Your suicidal thought are hormones and grief (and the guilt trip the doctor has sent you on). You need to work through these feelings and it doesn't happen overnight.

Get a plan:

A) healthy body, healthy mind - eat right (you must eat!), exercise (good for the body and mood). Talk to people.

B) speak to a doctor to gather as much info on your case as possible. Try to confirm to yourself that this is not your fault. At all. Not even a teensy bit.

C) Ask to see a specialist - no, don't ask, demand. Make a huge big fuss. Find out who the 'top guy' is within reasonable distance and ask for a referral to see them.

A friend had many miscarriages - no aparent reason - and went through several rounds of fertility treatment. She did eventually conceive and had a healthy baby. They assumed it would be a one-off but now have two children. Another friend had similar (including a miscarriage at 7months) and has twins. Its not the end of the road.

Please be strong. Work with your DP on this - he will be grieving too.

Lorgy Thu 05-Jun-14 09:17:49

Your doctor is talking bullsh*t. None of this is your fault. I have had 4 early miscarriages as well as numerous chemical pregnancies so can understand how distraught you must be feeling. I got referred to the recurrent miscarriages through the epu and although they never found a cause for the losses they supported me through a subsequent successful pregnancy and now 34 weeks with my second. I was offered counselling through the clinic and didn't take it but there is help there if you need. I feel so sorry for your loss. I remember all too well the darkness of the days after a loss. Take care xx

Lorgy Thu 05-Jun-14 09:18:18

Your doctor is talking bullsh*t. None of this is your fault. I have had 4 early miscarriages as well as numerous chemical pregnancies so can understand how distraught you must be feeling. I got referred to the recurrent miscarriages through the epu and although they never found a cause for the losses they supported me through a subsequent successful pregnancy and now 34 weeks with my second. I was offered counselling through the clinic and didn't take it but there is help there if you need. I feel so sorry for your loss. I remember all too well the darkness of the days after a loss. Take care xx

yummymummy03122010 Thu 05-Jun-14 11:38:27

Thank u everybody. Im so confused now....the bleeding has stoped it lasted less than 24 hours....its just like brown stuff ive not passed any clots or anything. Does this mean im still pregnant or i have lost it but in a day? Have never had this before. My mind is screwed. And they wont let me have a scan untill im 7 weeks. I just dont know what yo think anymore! Help!

MTWTFSS Thu 05-Jun-14 12:21:53

If I was in your position:

I would call my local midwife centre and explain to a midwife everything that had happened and ask her what you should do next.

squizita Thu 05-Jun-14 12:30:43

Yummy unfortunately you won't know without a scan or blood test. Could you self-refer to the local EPU and ask for 48 hr bloods? That will be a major clue as to what's happening (i.e. blood HCG rising = something till there)... is it a bleed or a loss.
Hoping it is a horrible scary bleed nothing more. People do have them and the pregnancy is there (or they were expecting twins, lose one and the other survives). Thinking of you.

Waitinggame8 Thu 05-Jun-14 12:58:48

Get a new Doctor, make a complaint about this one and breathe and look after yourself until you can have bloods and a scan done as the others have mentioned.
They class multiple miscarriages as after 3 so you should have been offered extra support with this pregnancy as a result of that, I assume you had the others recorded with your GP's? Not that it should make a difference.

Disgusting how you have been treated by this. Doctor, definitely make a complaint no matter what other outcomes are. angry
Sending love and hopes that everything works out ok for you. thanks

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 05-Jun-14 14:47:41

I'm appalled by your GP! Seriously, complain and see someone else. You can speak to the practice manager.

I thought after three mc you got a referral?

So sorry OP, I had mc last year and my gp couldn't have been more lovely.

It is nothing you have done. But after four they can look into why it might be happening.

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