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told someone I'm pg and dh is really angry...

(77 Posts)
Newmom2b Sat 24-May-14 21:31:52

...because I didn't discuss it with him first. Me and my dsil had been talking tcc for ages, saw her yesterday and let the cat out the bag (4w+6) now dh is so angry. I just needed somebody, a female, to talk to, he doesn't understand and now we're not talking! Great!

Geminiwitch22 Sat 24-May-14 21:34:47

Let him calm down, my dh did that to me and I was furious. Tell him you wanted at least a female to know so you could feel supported. If it makes him feel better say he can let someone know.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 24-May-14 21:59:14

I think you should apologise to him. Telling people ought to be a joint decision really. At the very least, you could have discussed it with him before doing it. I can understand why he's pissed off.

alita7 Sat 24-May-14 22:07:45

I can see why he's annoyed but I see why you need female support too, it's done now he'll calm down!

Cuppachaplz Sat 24-May-14 23:34:01

My husband got pissy that my BF seemed to know. He stomped in and shouted at me for telling her (which I hadn't) neatly confirming her suspicions.
I can understand why he might be upset, but can see why you need female support too. Give him a chance to calm down, and try to explain.

Trapper Sat 24-May-14 23:36:06

What Testing said.

Observer78 Sat 24-May-14 23:51:10

Is this 21st century Britain or am reading a post from Bolshevik Russia circa 1917??? Are you guys serious? I'd understand if the size of his member had been discussed publicly so he got upset, but pregnancy? Unless a man feels trapped / embarrassed / superstitios, he'd never react like a child over something like this.

Shazam24 Sat 24-May-14 23:51:30

Like most people have said id leave him to calm down and just explain you needed a womans support. Its his sister so at least youve kept it in the family lol. Second what Gemini said, tell.him.he can tell someone too.

Its not the end of the world and its done now. And dont let somthing so silly spoil somthing so fantastic smile congratulations!!

AnnabelleDarling Sat 24-May-14 23:53:52

Why on earth should you not tell someone you are pg without consulting your dh? I find that utterly bizarre. He needs to get a grip

RAFWife12 Sun 25-May-14 07:50:27

If it's his sister I can see why he'd be upset. I expect he wanted to tell his family himself, or at least together. I'd let himself calm down, explain reasons and apologise. Yes you need the support of another female, but it should be joint decision who gets told. At least so you both know who knows and who doesn't.

MasterFlea Sun 25-May-14 08:13:18

I think he needs to get a grip too. His priorities are skewed. Confiding in someone other than him is allowed. It is not the 1950's.

I'd tell him to stop upsetting you and stressing you out. He needs to start getting supportive now as pregnancy can be tough.

Plateofcrumbs Sun 25-May-14 08:14:37

He's got every right to be upset especially if you have told someone in his family. Deciding when and who to tell should be a joint decision - both in terms of you both getting a say in how you share the happy news, and of course thinking about who if anyone you would want to know in the event the worst happened.

If you are close to DSIL and regularly discussing TCC, it may have been v hard to keep the news from her for long, and it's perfectly understandable to want a friend to know for support. But you should have talked to DH about it first.

Can DSIL be trusted to keep this quiet from other family members?

meditrina Sun 25-May-14 08:18:15

I can see why he's cross (Is DSiL your brother's wife, or his sister - if the latter you really have rained on his parade and I hope you have apologised big time).

But he seems to be overreacting dreadfully now.

Not speaking? Does he do this a lot?

EasyTigeress Sun 25-May-14 08:23:55

My ex did this and I was really pissed off.

Personally I think you should say sorry and explain why you did and then leave it at that. He'll get over it eventually

harryhausen Sun 25-May-14 08:30:57

I really don't get the big tell/not tell decisions. Is this a relatively new thing because when I had my babies 8ish years ago I never came across this.

My bf had been ttc'ing for her second dc for ages. We were meeting a joint close friend (who was also newly pg a second time) for coffee and the park etc. That morning she'd done a test and got a faint positive. She was so excited so just bursted and told us, about 6 hours before she told her dh.

She and her dh laugh about it now, but honestly it was the most natural thing for her.

itsbetterthanabox Sun 25-May-14 08:32:42

This is mental. Tell whoever you want. It's your body to talk about. He needs to get a grip.

SavoyCabbage Sun 25-May-14 08:33:36

It didn't cross my mind not to tell anyone I wanted when I was pregnant.

Newmom2b Sun 25-May-14 08:39:33

Wow, mixed comments... Interesting to read all your thoughts. For those that asked I told my brothers wife x

treaclesoda Sun 25-May-14 08:40:24

Until reading this thread it has never occurred to me that a couple might sit down and come to a decision together about who to tell.

When I was pregnant we both told whoever we thought it was appropriate to tell and trusted each other's judgement. I've no idea who he told or when he told them. And he probably has no idea who I told.

Jellybellymummyofsix Sun 25-May-14 08:43:20

I won't be popular but YOUR pregnant. Yes, his dc but YOUR body. You will be the only person experiencing this pregnancy& giving birth.

Your dp is an observer. The closest most important observer but still an observer.

YOU needed to talk to someone. It's not about him. It's all about you now.

Now i know people will say , it's his baby etc but he's not pregnant. I always smile a little smile when couples are all, ' we this & we that' at a start of a pregnancy. by the time the baby is 3 weeks old, he will be back at work. You will be the only one with morning sickness, a bump & getting poked & proded!work. You will be getting up & dealing with the baby. Feeding it, dealing with the aftermath physically & psychologically of the birth.

Tell your dp to grow up!

So if you need to talk to someone else. that's absolutely your prerogative. I say all this as a mother of 6!

Jellybellymummyofsix Sun 25-May-14 08:45:13

Sorry for typos, feeding dd! Dp is still asleep...

PoshPenny Sun 25-May-14 08:48:40

I have to say I think he's over reacting. a lot. it's a close family member in the same situation, not your friends at work... shame he found out really.

RAFWife12 Sun 25-May-14 08:51:04

As it's your brothers wife his reaction is over the top!

longtallsally2 Sun 25-May-14 08:52:33

Hmm - is it your first child? And is this the first decision that you have made regarding your baby? It's a bit worrying that he is furious over this. What is he going to be like when you have to make other decisions about key issues with which he doesn't agree?

Perhaps you need to point out to him that you are both sailing into new territory now, and that whilst you will try to consult him on the big questions, you may make some decisions which he doesn't agree with. However, being adults you will need to support each other and talk about them later, not get furious with each other and stop talking everytime you differ.

Pregnancy/parenthood IME brings out the strange side in us all! We/our partners do things which seem innocuous and which the other person hates and vice versa. At least you have chance now to get some sensible talking done, before the baby arrives.

If it is not your first then, ignore all of that!

And congratulations, by the way. smile

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sun 25-May-14 08:55:08

Surely once you've told your partner then telling other people comes naturally? It's expected? I find this very odd. When I was pg I told my X first then went about telling whoever I felt like, whilst assuming he would do the same. If he had got angry with me I would have been furious, crushed and very confused.

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