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It's started already?! polite ways to say FUCK OFF

(35 Posts)
GingerRodgers Sat 03-May-14 20:04:28

Arrrgh!! angry

I'm way over sensitive about my weight at the best of times but being pregnant magnifies these feelings and I am aware of this.

Two weeks ago people were commenting how you could barely tell I was pg, how tiny bump was etc.

Today, neighbour shouts over the fence "look at that bump, you sure there's not two in there?"

Har har hardy FUCK OFF!!

22 weeks and bump popped out about a week ago but ffs, I'm meant to have a bump right?! The baby is (from what I've read) nearly a foot long head to toe so where the buggery am I meant to hide it?

Just need to rant. Hate this part of pregnancy and I know people talk before they think but it really upsets me and I didn't think it would start so soon with this one.

Off to cry into some chocolate sad

LizzieMint Sat 03-May-14 20:08:58

Urgh, I got all the 'sure there's not two', 'you look ready to pop' and simple 'you're massive' comments too. People are idiots, ignore them.

But at least you actually ARE pregnant though, far more mortifying when it happens when your baby is a year old. confused <crys into chocolate too>

DrankSangriaInThePark Sat 03-May-14 20:10:11

Would you be happier if they ignored the fact you are visibly pregnant?


LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName Sat 03-May-14 20:10:19

They are just looking for something to say and very rarely actually mean it, offer them a bet!

FunkyBoldRibena Sat 03-May-14 20:11:25

Shout back 'at least my excuse is that I'm pregnant, what's yours?'

GingerRodgers Sat 03-May-14 20:18:00

Drank, yes I would. They know I'm pregnant- I told them. I don't see how it's appropriate to comment on my size?

PenguinsLoveFishFingers Sat 03-May-14 20:49:07

God yes. People have the weirdest ideas about what constitutes appropriate comments and/or small talk.

I hate the way people think pregnancy gives them carte blanche to comment on your body in any way they see fit, 'humorous' or otherwise.

With insensitive jokes, I tend to go deadpan -"Well, two sonographers are fairly sure it's one". People don't know how to respond when you don't play along.

Hellymummy Sat 03-May-14 22:15:52

My peeve at the moment is " oh you don't look pregnant from behind"!!!!!! Well I should frickin think not, my arse isn't pregnant!!!!!!! I'm carrying my baby at the front not behind!!!!!! And just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I should have a fat arse!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boogles91 Sat 03-May-14 23:33:22

Lmao at what hellymummy said! So true though...some poeple have no brains eh x

holidaysarenice Sat 03-May-14 23:41:41

Hellymummy interept that as 'your bump is lovely, neat and to the front'

Oh and many would take offense - many women carry their bump differently and look like their bum ha spread. They aren't necessarily fat assed either!!!

MrsMonkeyBear Sun 04-May-14 06:05:01

I've been getting "Gosh your face has gotten fat." Admittedly as soon as I put on any weight I look like a hamster but its still not nice. I've also been asked a few times about losing the baby weight once s/he has been born. C'mon folks I'm only 16 weeks, I haven't finished putting on weight yet!!!!

Blondiebrownie Sun 04-May-14 07:13:17

I used to love people commenting on how big my bump was and taking an interest in my pregnancy.

I have no idea why you would find this offensive confused

GingerRodgers Sun 04-May-14 07:28:58

Blondie, if people were saying "oh you look fab" or "you look lovely pregnant" them that's fine but to imply I'm 'massive' in any way is what I find offensive.
I know I'm huge I just don't need people pointing it out!

ShoeWhore Sun 04-May-14 07:34:00

People are just looking for something to say I think.

I once in a single day had one person tell me I looked very small for x weeks and another comment on how massive I was! I conclude that neither actually had a bloody clue. grin

Try not to let it upset you too much- people generally mean well.

PenguinsLoveFishFingers Sun 04-May-14 07:46:17

People do generally mean well, but the 'pregnant person as public property' thing really, really annoys me. I wouldn't walk up to a male neighbour and say "Gosh your arse has spread", would I ? I find it really, really rude to comment on and analyse people's bodies like that. Fine to say "You're looking really well" or "You're glowing" or even "You seem really tired, are you holding up ok".

Basically, if you wouldn't make that kind of 'body part' comment to anyone else, I don't feel that being pregnant gives you the right to say it to me. I'm still a person.

GingerRodgers Sun 04-May-14 07:49:36

Totally agree penguins. How can saying someone looks bigger than they should (which is what they're implying asking if it's twins) ever be a 'nice' thing to say? Can't people just be nice? Why do they have to comment on your size? There's no need!
Stuck for something to say? "You look lovely" will do nicely!

hannahlucyellen Sun 04-May-14 08:26:32

I don't know why people do this, I would never walk up to a woman at work and tell her exactly what I thought of her weight! The amount of people that have said to me "only 28 weeks, you're going to be massive at the end!" actually my bump is a little under what it should be at 28 weeks!! People are incredibly ignorant about pregnancy.

ithoughtofitfirst Sun 04-May-14 08:49:26

I got the problem the other way last pregnancy.

People would always look 'concerned' at how small I was and ask If I was measuring right for my dates.

I found this really fucking irritating!

You can't win either way.

pictish Sun 04-May-14 08:55:32

With all the best will in the world OP, I think you ought to chill out.
I got all those "are you sure you haven't got two in there" comments as well...every pregnant woman does. It's not meant as an insult, or to hurt you - it's meant as a jolly acknowledgement of your pregnancy...or in other words, it's something to say.

No need to get really upset over it at all.

Barbsta Sun 04-May-14 09:02:49

I lost 6 stone before I got pregnant and kept it off for 3 years and always watched my calorie intake. I didn't want to do that while pregnant because I would have struggle to eat up to the right amount and know I'd have cut out stuff. I've gained over 2 1/2 stone at 32 weeks and a couple people have taken to calling me fatty sad I just try laugh it off and it keeps me determined to lose it after my baby is born

GingerRodgers Sun 04-May-14 17:09:18

Pictish, I've said in my op I know I'm being over sensitive about this.
Just because it's meant in a 'jolly' way does that mean I have to just take it? Even if it actually upsets me?
Yes, maybe everyone says it but it's not nice to hear time and time again someone basically saying 'you look a lot fatter than I think you should'
I appreciate I should be able to brush it off, laugh at it or ignore but I'm self conscious and full of hormones so excuse me if I can't. If they're stuck for something to say just say I look nice. Not that hard is it?

squizita Sun 04-May-14 17:15:56

I have had comments about "your bump looks small" (yeah, I'm 2nd trimester, it would) and "your bump looks huge" in the same day. The small commenters know I am a high risk pregnancy, so are being particularly clueless.

PenguinsLoveFishFingers Sun 04-May-14 17:22:26

I don't think the 'everyone gets it' justification carries any weight TBH. Just because people generally treat pregnant women like an object to be lectured (food, drink) and analysed (size of bump, shape of bump, gait, effect on ankles...) and groped (the bump patters) doesn't make it ok.

I don't behave like that to non pregnant people. So I don't behave like that to pregnant women. I am an adult woman, and deserve adult levels of respect, bodily autonomy and personal space.

<And breathe>.

VaselineOnToast Sun 04-May-14 21:18:20

I prefer it if people ask how I'm doing, rather than commenting on my appearance. This is true whether I'm pregnant or not!

Ask me if I'm feeling ok. Ask me if I'm tired. Ask me how I'm getting on. Etc.

Choppa Mon 05-May-14 07:43:46

MIL...'you're getting so big...'
ME...'yes, I am 30 weeks pregnant...'


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