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Unwarranted Stretch Mark "Advice"

(20 Posts)
moomin35 Wed 30-Apr-14 11:00:13

Both my mother and MIL have offered me "advice" or asked me what I am doing to prevent stretch marks! I luckily haven't suffered from there so far (in my 3rd trimester) but even if I did I don't see that it's a question that other women should ask me about and offer me advice on how to prevent them. Do you think this is rude or have you experienced similar?

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Wed 30-Apr-14 11:06:14

They're just chatting.

I wish I'd been told how to prevent stretchmarks at 12 though. I didn't get any with two pregnancies but I still have them on my thighs from puberty.

peeapod Wed 30-Apr-14 11:08:36

I have two sets of stretch marks. One from where I lost 5 stone and one from pregnancy. If anyone offered me advice on getting rid I would turn around and say why would I want to "get rid" of something that represents so much positivity?

I'm proud of my stretch marks..

(its a good way to shut people up too)

MabelSideswipe Wed 30-Apr-14 11:13:53

You can't prevent them. Some skin is just more resilient to stretching than other. Ignore them!

ChicaMomma Wed 30-Apr-14 12:10:23

I dont think it's rude, i'd just gladly accept the advice to be honest. why be so touchy?

As a first timer i havent a clue what i'm doing so to be honest all the advice people are willing to give me is welcome- whether i take it on or not is another matter.

On the matter of the stretch marks- would i not be right in saying that none of us will really know whether we've managed to avoid them until after the belly goes back down again? i certainly cant see any at the moment, but wouldnt be surprised if they appear after the baby comes out? so far so good anyway. I'm applying all sorts to the bump, twice a day at least- Bio Oil, clarins body oil, cocoa butter, i mix it up.

ouryve Wed 30-Apr-14 12:14:44

If you get them, tell your mum that it's her fault for giving you the genes that predispose you to them.

HopefulHamster Wed 30-Apr-14 12:28:34

My mum told me I'd been using the wrong oil when I got stretchmarks (I used boots stuff instead of bio-oil) because she never got them.

Erm, I very much doubt that made a difference, also whether you get them depends on a number of factors including genetics (she didn't get them, but maybe my dad's mum did, or her mum!), and once you have them you can't undo it, so aewklg;rajg;ljrae;lgjral;. Anyway yes I found it annoying.

squizita Wed 30-Apr-14 12:33:52

I don't think this advice is far up on the 'offensive' list to me... guilt inducing 'don't do this it could hurt baybee' (about non dangerous stuff) kind of stuff annoys me far more.

I don't subscribe to the wanting to physically show 'life journeys' thing either. If I get stretch marks, I won't be bothered... but neither would I treasure them I don't think. I am not going to treasure the scarring which is appearing due to my daily injections either (but neither do I loathe it). Philosophically it reminds me slightly of earnest/patronising folk (you get them in my line of work especially it seems) who've told me - yes, told me- I must have an easy life/job/bit of a bimbo based on the fact I don't look that old for my age, dress a certain way etc' and are then always surprised by my career, position, respect from those who know me and medical history.
It's just genetics and hair dye. In fact that's a bugbear of mine! Women have to 'look' clever/kind/motherly more than men.

But I agree with those who say there's no 'cure' or prevention that really works - it's genetics. I'm using bio oil but I honestly don't know if it will do anything. Saves dry skin though.

SicknSpan Wed 30-Apr-14 13:38:47

Hold fire OP. My stretch marks have always appeared in the last two weeks of my previous pregnancies - and now again at nearly 36 weeks (size of a small family car) I haven't got any additional ones but fully expecting them to show up in a week or two! I'm not regimented or bothered enough to use creams and lotions every day, and like app said I won't treasure stretchmarks but won't lose any sleep over them appearing either.

I wouldn't find it annoying if people who care about me tried to give me advice about something they found worrying in their own experience- but at the same time would just file it in my head under "recycle" and not give it another thought.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy smile


rabbitrisen Wed 30-Apr-14 13:42:06

I come at it from the other direction.
I am not remotely interested in beauty or fashion for example. And am always loathe to do much with lotions etc.

But if I had known what I know now, I think I would have liked advice on stretch marks.
Mine are substantial [wont go into details]
And I am permanently scarred quite a lot.

rabbitrisen Wed 30-Apr-14 13:42:58

Are they putting you down while giving you advice?

If they are not, I would at least listen to what they have to say.

RAFWife12 Wed 30-Apr-14 14:35:07

I wouldnt be offended about that one. But i get where you are coming from in more of a general "people feeling they are entitled to give you advice on anytjing and everything just coz you are pregnant" way.

rabbitrisen Wed 30-Apr-14 14:39:52

I take all advice that is offered, and then sift accordingly.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Wed 30-Apr-14 22:44:45

Same as any unsolicited advice, ignore if you like. Would be rude if they were making critical observations of your body.

ColdFeetWarmHeart Wed 30-Apr-14 22:53:37

I get where you are coming from op. It's yet another one of those things that people feel its ok to "offer" advice about, because its pregnancy related. If you had scars etc from other things, they would probably never mention it.

Breathe deeply, and count to 10. Yes some people on here may say that you are being unreasonable. But I found things like this bothered me when I was pregnant - not necessarily hormones, it could be that its the 15th person that day that has made the same comment and you're fed up of it!

moomin35 Fri 02-May-14 17:39:50

Yeh they're not being malicious in any way it just seems odd to me that they would tell me how to avoid them without (a) knowing whether or not i have them or not and (b) i havent asked them!

Heatherbell1978 Fri 02-May-14 22:40:37

I had barely broken the news to my mum that I was pregnant and she was going on about them, then every time I spoke to her after that. No idea why, she never got any and I've never had any. Seems to be something she's more worried about than me. I find it annoying but then this is also the woman who took one look at me this evening and said, 'that's quite a hard bump, you're growing a sizeable baby in there'...! I'm actually pretty slim still and have a neat wee bump at 25 wks! I would just ignore like I try to do!!

moomin35 Sun 04-May-14 14:08:58

haha heatherbell I'm glad I'm not the only one with a mother like that!!

MummytoMog Sun 04-May-14 23:11:38

Mine appeared after the delivery sad I was so smug at avoiding them too sad

ChicaMomma Tue 06-May-14 12:20:31

MummytoMOg, i figured that would be the case alright- the only other time i've gotten them was after i lost weight- not during the weight gain!! I'm pretty sure i'll get some post labour, none at the moment at 34 weeks though. like you, an element of smugness which i'm sure will be long gone after the baby comes hahaha

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