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Grief in pregnancy

(8 Posts)
ithoughtofitfirst Tue 15-Apr-14 14:08:19

If you can stay with me for this long winded post I'll be really grateful.

I hope this story won't upset anyone.

In my local town a boy was found dead near his school. I had a call later that night off my mother and father to tell me it was my young cousin. He was my cousin's son. So second cousin I guess. I met him at family things a handful of times and sent Christmas cards but I wouldn't say we were exactly close. Rumours spread very fast round here and it wasn't long before it emerged that he had taken his own life because of bullying.

I have never reacted like this over the death of a distant relative but I have never cried so much in my life. Just the thought of the misery he must have endured and the grief his parents must be going through is making my insides squirm. I have suffered from depression for about 3 years and at my worst felt suicide was my only way out, but once I got my treatment under control I started to recover very slowly.

Is grief worse when you're pregnant because of the hormones? My husband has told me to get my crying done and try and move on if i can but every night Ive gone to sleep I think enough now tomorrow is another day and I just feel no better. I wake up, remember, and start feeling tormented all over again.

Please go easy on me but any advice would be much appreciated

bonzo77 Tue 15-Apr-14 14:19:08

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I do think hormones exacerbate how you are feeling in pregnancy.

I also think that once you are a mother (because you are the mother to an unborn baby now) you react in a new way to tragedies involving children. Sometimes men find this hard to understand, particularly if they have not had children. Men often do not really think like this before their children are born, and some not even after. I suspect that your DH does not get it.

Please speak to your GP or midwife. You might benefit from some counselling. Sometimes this kind of anxiety warrants you having extra TLC, as it's a precursor for ante-natal or post natal depression. I see you have a history of depression, are you still taking your medication? It might be that if you are not it's worth considering going back on them, of if you are then it might be that you need a change of dose or drug.

Rainbowshine Tue 15-Apr-14 14:21:45

Sorry to hear about your loss. I could not read and run.

I had a bereavement in my last trimester. I was very tearful, could not watch anything that mentioned death or dying without sobbing, I was an emotional wreck.

I had great support from the midwives, who kept a closer eye on me, e.g. Blood pressure and other physical symptoms linked to stress or anxiety, and also for pre/post natal depression. I would recommend speaking to your midwife so they can keep an eye on you.

I'm so sorry, what horrid news for you. Take care of yourself.

Boogles91 Tue 15-Apr-14 14:23:55

Im not sure wether grief is worse in pregnancy but i just wanted to offer you some hugs. I knkw what its like with depression....been there myself for years. I would of thought your other half would have been a bit more supportive than just tell you to get it over and done with! Grief isnt something you can just do and its over like that. I think its more shock your in at the moment. My hubbys nan has not long passed i met her once fora brief few moments out shopping, and her death was so sudden we were all in shock. Icried my eyes out and didnt even know her(normally dont do this) if your feelinglike this and your other alf ent offering much support for you go and see your doc, they will help you and offer a shoulder to cry on aswel smile hope you start to feel better at some point chuck its not nice to be in that place xx

ithoughtofitfirst Tue 15-Apr-14 14:30:38

Thank you bonzo I did consider speaking to my midwife and seeing what she thinks.. especially if in a week or so there's no improvement. I still take ADs and ive been advised to stay on them and didn't protest too much. I finished counselling but maybe I should have a couple of sessions about this.

I have a little boy , he's 2 and I need to stop crying in front of him. I try and take him out and take my mind off it but the tears just come in waves. People must grieve in front of their children all the time though I guess.

Thank you for your suggestion i think I will go and see my midwife if It persists

htbftm Tue 15-Apr-14 18:56:58

Awww hun, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. You don't say how long ago the tragedy was. I know its a massive cliché, but time is a great healer, and it does take time to come to terms with a shock like this. I really agree with Bonzo too - hormones and being a Mum, does make all these things feel worse. Try not to beat yourself up about how you feel! xx

ithoughtofitfirst Tue 15-Apr-14 22:06:44

Awww thank you everyone. I just panic when I feel low for any length of time that I'm having a relapse but I think life will throw these unfortunate events up every now and again. I almost want to blame my pregnancy hormones because of how profound the grief is... but I think it's just normal. But once you've been in that dark place and recovered the thought of slipping back is terrifying. I'll keep an eye on it.

Thanks everyone I do feel better Xx

Boogles91 Tue 15-Apr-14 22:32:04

Its ok smile glad your feelin lil better. I know the thought of relapse is terrifying but i do my best every day to not let it beat me x

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