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You know you're heavily pregnant when....

(73 Posts)
Minions Tue 15-Apr-14 11:05:45

1. You come home for a few hours during the day but don’t take your shoes off and put your slippers on because that would mean bending down twice unnecessarily before going back out (even though you’re having a nap on the sofa….)

2. Your comfiest trainers now count as smart shoes when going out with friends on a Friday night.

3. Said Friday night finishes at 10pm and you consider that really late.

4. You wonder why people stare at your bump when walking down the street until you catch your own reflection in a window and stare yourself at this massive bump which appears to have attached itself to your front.

5. Going upstairs to put away washing now counts as exercise.

6. You drop something on the floor and decide that’s where it now lives.

7. Your maternity tops no longer cover the bump.

8. You no longer care that your maternity tops don’t cover the bump - you’re just glad you’re up, washed and dressed (to some degree).

9. Putting on socks counts as an achievement that day. Getting tights on deserves a medal….

Boogles91 Tue 15-Apr-14 11:24:23

Hahahar made me giggle smile i look forward to getting to these stages...although i already carnt be arsed to pick something up off the floor as bump has just shot out over the last couple of weeks and am still getting used to having an ever expanding belly!

Iona1651 Tue 15-Apr-14 11:46:37

This made me laugh - I'm not quite there yet but will remember the points when I am....

Misty9 Tue 15-Apr-14 11:54:43

-every time you stand up you need to wee, desperately.
- you knock small children over with your bump
- you have to start rejecting parking places as you wouldn't get out the car door..

Beanymonster Tue 15-Apr-14 11:58:20

You have several marks on your bump from when you catch it on door handles
You complain to your dp that he doesn't hug you properly anymore and he sheepishly points out he can't really reach you over the bump

It sucks and I'm only 25weeks!

clareyfarey Tue 15-Apr-14 12:04:45

you havent seen your bikini line in so long your razor has gone rusty

painting your toenails seems about as much effort as a 6 mile run

you can't wait for the head to engage so that you can eat more than a sandwich for your dinner

your feet resemble washing up gloves filled with water

and all the other things that make being 36 weeks pregnant so fucking glamourous! grin

PenguinsLoveFishFingers Tue 15-Apr-14 12:05:14

Oh, I so agree with most of those. Also

1. It is no longer relaxing to have a bath, because so much of you sticks out of the water.

2. Every time you stand up, or sit down, you go 'ooomph'.

3. When you drop something on the floor, you actually feel genuinely upset.

4. You have had to get the bump bands back out to cover the gap between maternity tops and trousers.

5. Sitting down sometimes results in you getting totally stuck.

clareyfarey Tue 15-Apr-14 12:05:36

oh, and you may as well move into the loo cos as soon as you've had a wee you need another one!

clareyfarey Tue 15-Apr-14 12:07:32

these are all brill, makes me happier to know I'm not on my own ladies!

how long do you all have left? I'm on day 2 of maternity leave .... have to say it's bloody lovely! haha

4 weeks and counting!

PenguinsLoveFishFingers Tue 15-Apr-14 12:10:12

I'm nearly 39 weeks. I'm expecting another fortnight or so at least given my history (two previous 'late' babies) though.

CurlsLDN Tue 15-Apr-14 12:12:40

Putting on a bra is akin to lacing on a corset

You make more hiccupy/burpy/grunty/sighy little noises getting on and off the sofa than a pug

You find yourself telling off your own tummy for kicking you in the ribs. In public.

(37 weeks!)

Hobby2014 Tue 15-Apr-14 12:19:46

Love this. 24 weeks and some are sounding familiar. I'm sure the rest aren't too far behind! X

ILoveCwtches Tue 15-Apr-14 12:20:19

You could scale cliffs, just using your toenails for grip. (Can't stand anyone touching my feet, so had to turn down DP's generous offer to do them for me).

Drying yourself after a bath/shower is impossible to do properly, as you can't reach large swathes of your body. (I recommend a hairdryer!)

Driving is almost unmanageable as in order to accommodate your bump, the seat has to be so far back your feet barely reach the pedals. (I'm a short-arse!)

Bringing back memories of this time last year! smile

Cupcake11 Tue 15-Apr-14 12:20:29

When someone not pregnant moans about sickness/backache/tiredness your face is hmm

You've convinced yourself chocolate and ice cream are fine because of the calcium.

You want to punch everyone who tells you first time mums are ALWAYS late.


beela Tue 15-Apr-14 12:36:13

YY to growing out of maternity clothes, and definitely to the hmm face whenever anyone else DH I'm looking at you dares to complain of tiredness or backache.

You don't want to go to bed, even though you are knackered, because you can't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time.

Every time you speak to anyone, they say 'oooh, not long to go now!'

You can't reach the sink to do any washing up any more shame

You spend ridiculous amounts of time trying to think of activities which involve your 3yo wearing themselves out whilst you sit still (these are few and far between!).

39.5 weeks grin

CrepeFoofette Tue 15-Apr-14 12:37:07

Totally agree with these.

My additional ones:

*You feel like you could strangle anyone who says: "how long left?" or "you still haven't had that baby yet?!".
*EVERYONE you meet seems to say one of the above angry
*You resemble a tortoise flapping on its back whenever you try to get up for a wee during the night...which happens a lot.
*You have to abort phone calls after 5 minutes as holding the phone up is aggravating your carpal tunnel.

I'm sure I'll think of more...

38 weeks here.

hubbahubster Tue 15-Apr-14 12:47:11

33 weeks with DC2…

The grunting/grimacing when getting up or sitting down and the needing a wee every time I stand up has started in earnest this week.

I could kill anyone who says 'You look ready to pop!' Erm, I'm measuring spot on/about 1cm behind actually.

I feel as if my tummy and bump are so tight, they might burst, YET I'm starving. In fact, I'm often more hungry while/just after eating.

Standing up involves spreading my knees apart to an un-ladylike degree.

Dresses have become t-shirts.

I can't watch OBEM without crying. Or any adverts involving babies. Or Thomas The Tank Engine.

Minions Tue 15-Apr-14 13:01:07

Ha ha, loving all these additions! Agree with them all, particularly this one

You've convinced yourself chocolate and ice cream are fine because of the calcium.

Add hot chocolate to that!

PenguinsLoveFishFingers Tue 15-Apr-14 13:02:17

Thought of another one. I suspect that this may be most relevant to those on no.2 or more...

You want to hug anyone who has a conversation with you without mentioning the bump/birth/baby. Because, every, single bloody conversation for the last month has started on those topics. And once in a while you'd like to be, you know, a person and not just a bump.

Or maybe that's just me blush

beela Tue 15-Apr-14 13:19:28

...I want to hug anyone who offers to take ds to the park for half an hour. Or even push him on the swing for a bit while I sit down.

Poor ds sad

starfishmummy Tue 15-Apr-14 13:28:25

You can only have a bath when dp is in the house to rescue you if you get stuck again

PoppySeedBun Tue 15-Apr-14 13:32:43

Ooh, good list (38+5).
YY to ice-cream is justified because of the calcium grin

Also: thinking twice about baths, because although nice when in, bump sticks out anyway, and levering yourself up to get out seems to undo all the relaxing.
And if people aren't asking 'how long left?', they are asking 'any signs yet??'
Not sure what signs they are looking for - other than actual labour! hmm

morerummorefun Tue 15-Apr-14 13:45:37

this is brilliant im 32weeks and look like whale!
I think that drying yourself with a hairdryer is a great idea!
my list includes
when your 2 yr old dd thinks its a game to help you put on knickers.
the washing machine gets put on twice as its too much effort to empty it.
febreeze is the new washing machine unless its stained.
everyday without fail you spit toothpaste onto your bump.
all meals are washed down with a glass of peptac liquid!

MrsRV Tue 15-Apr-14 14:05:08

love it.

Trying to frickin park in a space that I can get DD out of one side and me the other - people make me angry. don't people know they've parked next to a heavily pregnant, angry, hormonal woman?????

having to use wet wipes to wipe after a poo because I can't frickin reach to get it all with mere tissue.

waking up husband every night groaning whilst trying to turn over.

fasting for liver scan & then GTT 2 days in a fucking row. This cannot be healthy. I NEED an ice-cream. AND a burger.

hubbahubster Tue 15-Apr-14 14:23:42

YY Penguins people ask "how long have you got left" like you have a fucking terminal illness or something!

Also when you let the water out of the bath while you're in it, and you think it's empty and then get out… only to find that you've been acting as a dam and half the bath water sloshes from behind you…

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