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Single mummy to dad got new girlfriend.

(9 Posts)
CarlyKins Sat 05-Apr-14 12:15:26

Hi ladies, I'm just posting really because feel like my head is going to explode. Basically to cut story short, I was casually seeing a guy have known for years but we ended up just being friends it wasn't going to go anywhere. It was only 5 months later that I found out was pregnant, totally unexpected had no idea. I've always wanted to be a mum and I'm absolutely besotted and in love with my baby boy so god help how protective I'll be when he's here- am due in 3 days (no signs yet tho) anyway me and his dad have been in touch just for the sake of our baby. Found out today he now has a girlfriend tho, I just want to cry. This is nothing to do with him being with her, I genuinely from the heart mean I do not care what he does in his life we are just friends, but the thought of my baby boy being around this girl I don't even know is knocking me sick to the ground. I can't stop him from seeing the baby, I won't do that. But how can I keep my baby away from her? I do not want some other girl playing mummy with my son. Am I being unfair? I just can't bare it sad(((

Salmonspringroll Sat 05-Apr-14 12:53:29

Completely understandable. Just explain to your ex that your not happy for her to be around him. I'm sure if you had a boyfriend he wouldn't like it so soon

alita7 Sat 05-Apr-14 13:46:30

maybe explain that you are feeling like this and that you'd appreciate it if he would see the baby without his girlfriend until he knows his relationship is serious. its not fair on kids for girl friend after girlfriend to be introduced so he should start as he means to go on and wait a few months at least. she might be lovely and she might be a positive influence on your child but you need to know that first. maybe ask to meet her first? just make sure you do the same when you find someone otherwise it's double standards. I understand why it's difficult but at some point he will have a long term girlfriend and maybe even get married. It is totally reasonable for him to want that woman in his child's life but now isn't the time.

CarlyKins Sat 05-Apr-14 15:20:44

Thanks girls you are both right. We haven't spoken much lately, I have said to him how I feel about the situation but he last time I opened up to him about it he said "he's not arsed what I think" so I told him not to bother contacting me other than when baby is born. I have explained to him though that it works both ways and when I eventually decide to date, the guy will not be introduced to my son. The only time would be if it was long term and serious same as with him and his gf. I just know that am going to be so protective with my baby and there's no way I'm letting his gf be near him for a long time!! Don't want to sound selfish I just can't bare the thought of it at all

3DcAndMe Sat 05-Apr-14 15:22:46

I think this is a completely normal way to feel

When you first have a baby you can sometimes not want to share them with anyone! Let alone some random woman!

alita7 Sat 05-Apr-14 15:53:03

it does make sense and you are being reasonable by deciding you wouldn't introduce a new boyfriend either. He should respect that. I wouldn't want my baby staying a way with anyone including my parents or his so I understand why it's hard. hopefully she'll be nice and look after your baby as you would in the future if it gets to that.

It is worth knowing though that as a step mum I see the benefit me being here has on his kids. my DP is a typical man and while he is a brilliant dad he's not the most responsible or organised dad. He forgets to tell them to do things like get washed or go to bed on time and he isn't great at keeping the place clean or remembering to wash pe kit or do homework etc so it's good for them to have a female influence.

Boogles91 Sun 06-Apr-14 15:28:57

If hes got that attitude towards the situation then hes wrong, he should understand how you feel and stuffs.

glammanana Sun 06-Apr-14 16:32:43

I think you are being very reasonable with your attitude and don't let your babies father change your mind at all,take your time getting to know your precious little baby and arrange for the father to visit you on your terms only when you feel able to cope with his visit.Enjoy your baby and put everything else at the back of your mind to deal with later on down the line when you are stronger and remember don't stress.glamma x

alita7 Sun 06-Apr-14 17:09:44

I disagree slightly with glamma and think that while for the first few weeks he should visit him at yours or meet in town, he should be allowed to see the baby as soon as possible after birth and come and see him regularly, even if you're not necessarily up for it, as long as he's willing to help out lots and even give you a break. I don't think that just because he's a man he should be a second class parent and not have the right to see his child lots. obviously he needs to have the right attitude but it shouldn't all be on your terms, he's a parent too!

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