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Not a Person to rant but this Time I will...

(11 Posts)
hartmel Fri 04-Apr-14 03:07:35

My family is driving my nuts. When I got pregnant with DS1 (which took us 2 1/2 years) my brother and his family weren't even happy for us. We told them when we where at my parents house and all they did shrug their shoulders and smiled and started a conversation with their dd...
Now I'm pregnant with DC2 and when I texted him that we are pregnant. All I got back was "????" And when I explained to him that we are expecting a baby in October he send me a thumb up.
No congratulations or we are happy for you. Nothing..

I told my mom about how he and his wife tread my family (different story) all she said "you are in this phase now where you take everything sensible) seriously! All I want is to cry.
My husband's side is totally different, he tells his brother (who wished us all the best like 5 times) and one minute later my BIL wife calls to congrat us..

Sorry for the rant and if it doesn't really make sense I just wrote it down with a lot if disappointment...

Hazchem Fri 04-Apr-14 03:14:47

That sucks. Are you family not very excited people?
Congratulations !

hartmel Fri 04-Apr-14 03:42:06

Since I met my husband, he kind of opened my eyes and showed my how negative they are always are..
For example my parents believe in massage. So last time they told me if I don't take my 6 month old boy for a massage he will be a cripple when he is one year old.
Or with this one, never ever let the unborn baby think that it is not wanted. Reason why they said that is because i said I have to get used to the thought that my children are going to be 13/14 month apart..

My husband is kind of scared to leave our son with them when I go in labour because they talk to negative and always think about massage and all those home remedies that their grandparents did.. :-)

Ugh I could go on and on..

To bad that my in laws moved overseas beginning of this year..

Hazchem Fri 04-Apr-14 07:13:04

God that sounds tough. Really tough. No great insight from me on how to deal with them I'm sorry.

plokett1 Fri 04-Apr-14 09:09:58

So sorry to hear this, its difficult enough without having an un-supportive family! Surround yourself with positive people and dont let them bring you down, this should be something for you to enjoy!

Rubyshoe Fri 04-Apr-14 17:42:12

hartmel I am completely with you and you have my sympathy. Quite frankly my parents are also relative nutters. We lost our first daughter at 40 weeks last summer when she was stillborn. After which my parents did pretty much abandon us. as my mum stated she couldn't support me with my grief cos who was there to support her????!?

We are now 15 weeks pregnant again and told them last weekend. Don't get me wrong they seemed genuinely pleased, congratulated us, then changed the subject. They know we are pregnant but didn't bother asking how the scan went, what the Drs are doing this time or even when it's due... Quite frankly I could cry (and have) was having a snivel when I found your post.

Clearly we are not alone in having mad parents. Like you I am blessed with very caring excited In Laws and just makes the difference starker doesn't it? I don't think there is a solution other than to say if they choose to live their lives in an emotionally 'beige' bubble then it's their loss. It's not just our lives they are missing out on it's their own and that's tragic. Message me anytime you want a rant, I'm completely with you!

alita7 Fri 04-Apr-14 17:50:57

Oh bless you that's so horrible- I bet you were all happy for them when they had their kids, how selfish and egocentric!

You'd think they'd ask a few simple questions like how far are you, how are you feeling etc and say congratulations- I mean even if I wasn't interested in someones pregnancy I would say congratulations out of politeness, even if I was struggling to ttc and it upset me I would still say congrats.. it's so mean not to!

peeapod Fri 04-Apr-14 18:13:10

you text them? perhaps thats the problem? sitting down face to face or ringing them up might have been a better option.. a short message will only elicit a short reply..

it probably caught them off guard..

its the sort of thing that should be annouced..
(im sounding like a right etiquette stickler)

hartmel Fri 04-Apr-14 18:37:57

Rubyshoe- I'm sorry about your loss. My nephew (my brothers son) was a stillborn at 34 weeks. Honestly I can't imagine what you guys are going through.. Congrats on this pregnancy. I hope that you will cuddle this one by end of the year..
When I read your comment I was also almost in tears. That someone else is having the same problem as I'm.. I wish I could live closer to you so we could meet in person. smile

hartmel Fri 04-Apr-14 18:43:40

Peeapod- I have tried talking to them in person, but it is worse less. That is why I started sending them text messages.
They had a still birth at 34 weeks last year in march. It would have been their second child but first boy.

Since my DS was born in September they don't care about him. They bought him a Christmas gift (which they told us) and never gave it to my son. But sold it soon after Christmas. I cried for days because they tread him that way.

I would totally understand if they would reject other baby's as well but they don't. They cuddle with them, hold them, make them laugh etc.
with my DS they don't even want to hold him..

Rubyshoe Sat 05-Apr-14 03:45:00

Hartmel It sounds to me that probably their stillbirth may be at the centre of the issue with your brother. (Obviously I don't know how far this goes back). The conclusion that other people not having live children won't bring your child back is one which really helped us in 'dealing ' with other peoples pregnancies and babies. I guess you would have been 3 months when they lost their little boy and then went through the whole pregnancy and came out with your beautiful DS.

I'm not at all condoning the behaviour and it doesn't make sense that they are fine with other peoples babies but maybe they can't be rude to others, is it easier to be angry at siblings? Do you think you and DS are getting the brunt of their anger and grief? It's horrible and I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please don't let it spoil your pregnancy. All we can do is know we kept trying and left the or open for people. X

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