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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Anyone going through this alone?

29 replies

GracieLoo · 01/04/2014 19:43

I feel like I'm the only one, everywhere I look there are expectant couples. Feeling a bit low and not sure I'm going to cope.

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Thisismyfirsttime · 01/04/2014 20:02

That must be really difficult for you. Do you have family/ close friends to talk to?

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milz2014 · 01/04/2014 20:14

I'm in it on my own after splitting with my ex before finding out I was pregnant x

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GracieLoo · 01/04/2014 20:18

Have you told your ex milz?

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nugget05 · 01/04/2014 20:19

Yep, ex decided it was too much the day after my 20 week scan. Here for hand holding and support if you need it, its tough but you can do it x

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GracieLoo · 01/04/2014 20:24

I suffer from mh probs too, was told today I should seriously consider an abortion (long story). It put doubts as to whether I can cope and thinking rationally about all this.

I don't know what to do about the father either. He didn't react too well, I kind of wish he'd disappear

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LlamaLover · 01/04/2014 20:24

Me too. Am 36 weeks with a 3 year old and its hard to look after toddler, work and look after myself with no support (no family either).

Praying it'll be easier once she's here, but aware I may be deluding myself!

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milz2014 · 01/04/2014 20:26

I've struggled myself with my problems - am happy to chat if it'd help? My ex knows and is being a total arse about it.

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GracieLoo · 01/04/2014 20:27

Sorry you're all lone mums-to-be too, but nice to know I'm not the only one. Haven't told many people yet, but I am scared of people judging me. Will be dc2. I want to enjoy it but don't feel I'm allowed to.

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milz2014 · 01/04/2014 20:28

Mh* problems, stupid kindle

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GracieLoo · 01/04/2014 20:31

Are people worried how you'll cope if your mh problems get worse? I'm only 6wks do very early days, and part of the reason I didn't want ex knowing is because of his reaction, but then him knowing and making things harder. But dads need to know. It's so hard.

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milz2014 · 01/04/2014 20:37

My midwife is aware of my situation and I know I could turn to her as well as my care co ordinater from the CHMT if it got worse. I had a really low patch in the weeks after I found out (22 weeks) and people involved have been supportive - I'm now 33+5. Do you have a CPN or similar you could turn too if things got difficult? Would you know the signs of things getting hard?

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GracieLoo · 01/04/2014 20:39

My cc is the one who kept mentioning termination. Had a really awful appt with her today, she wasn't supportive at all and I cried all the way home. Started a thread in mh about that side of things.

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milz2014 · 01/04/2014 20:41

Bloody hell that's awful. Change cc? Hopefully you'll get a supportive midwife.

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GracieLoo · 01/04/2014 20:51

Tbh I was gutted, as she hasn't been my cc for long but at first she seemed really good and supportive, until this happened. She said it wouldn't be fair on the baby, I could go ahead with it but risk both dc being taken away from me, she told me to base my decision on ex's reaction.. I could go on! She also asked if I'd conceived my first in the same way, what would her dad think about it none of his business really, as long as dd is ok.

She said it was my choice to have changed GP surgery etc recently therefore I don't know the GPs or HVs there, so I can't complain about that. I said I'm worried about people finding out when I start showing, and she shrugged her shoulders and said 'another reason to havd a termination then'.

I don't see how I can go to her for support now. She asked how my mood was near the end of the appt, I lied. I couldn't tell the truth after all that. I cried for about 2 hours afterwards.

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milz2014 · 01/04/2014 20:54

Ask to change cc' s. Do you have mind near you? They could be useful.

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GracieLoo · 01/04/2014 21:01

She's a manager so it'll hard to change . I think I should discharge myself from the cmht. I hope I get a nice mw. I'm worried as I'm crying lots and not sleeping, thought about contacting mind again (emailed them a while ago).

Has anyone chosen their birth partners yet?

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milz2014 · 01/04/2014 21:06

I'm having a c-section and will be going it alone. I'd only worry more if someone else was there!

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GracieLoo · 01/04/2014 21:14

I'm tempted to do it alone, then I won't be worrying about anyone else getting bored or squeamish!

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lyns31 · 01/04/2014 21:18

Gracie, change and make a complaint. It's inappropriate for your cc to push termination at you whatever your mh. They can talk it through with you but not push an agenda. It's their job to support you though I do suspect social services would want to check up on how you cope. I would try some of the mental health charities for advice. I suspect they'd be appalled. Also, if you have a psychiatrist I would discuss your cc's tact with them.

I wouldn't discharge yourself as coping with pregnancy or a young baby is hard. But do get the support you deserve and make a complaint.

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MamaPingu · 01/04/2014 21:22

I was with my ex until DS was 3 months old, but I've pretty much done it all alone. He wouldn't come see me during pregnancy so I would go to see him because I was lonely, it was supposed to be a happy time in my life and he ruined it.

It also turned out he cheated while I was pregnant so in a way I wish I'd been fully alone from day 1.

He's a bit of a half arsed dad and I don't understand what goes on in his head!!

All I can tell you is it has been hard at times but it's also been the best time of my life it isn't impossible to do it alone, and in a way it makes it easier because you have nobody else to please. Just focus on you and your baby and I'm sure you'll do just fine! And I literally mean when you need to, focus on you and the baby ONLY.

I have a gorgeous 7 month old son and it makes me feel very proud I've done it by myself

You'll soon find your feet once your baby is here

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GracieLoo · 01/04/2014 21:49

My cc did say it's my choice, after saying all of the above. Maybe she'll be more supportive when she knows my decision? I'm still really scared though, and I admit I've been quite ill so will need support, as much as I'd like to cope by myself.

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Chloerose75 · 01/04/2014 21:57

I think it is completely out of order for the cc(not sure what this stands for but obviously some kind of health care professional?) to be pushing termination on you.

Complain and see someone else. Outrageous. Obviously if you want a termination as YOUR choice then fine but no one should be trying to make the decision for you. As you're only 6 weeks you have time to think things through and come to terms with what you want to do and I'm sure you will come to the best decision for you whether you want to have the baby or have a termination but don't let your self be bullied either way.

All the best.

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GracieLoo · 01/04/2014 21:58

Cc = care coordinator.

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justhayley · 01/04/2014 22:57

Absolutely disgusting that you were encouraged to have a termination!! Of course like with every pregnancy it's an option so can be discussed, but the support available to you in your personal circumstances with regard to your mental health should have been more of a priority.
If you don't think you can go back to her or get the support you need and are going to need - whether continuing with the pregnancy or not, then do everything you can to change CC - manager or not you have the right to see someone different where available. Not worth discharging yourself if your not ready yet.

I'm kind of doing it alone, officially I have a DP but he's In the Army and in the last 4 months iv only seen him 3 times. I have an almost 2 year old and am 24 weeks pregnant. Sometimes it's hard doing it alone, but if I'm honest there's a lot easier about it as well. When my DP is home for longer than a weekend it drives me insane. There's something lovely about just caring for you & your baby, & doing everything your way.

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lyns31 · 01/04/2014 23:09

Gracie, genuinely. I have had mh problems, and yes, I've been well for a long time, yes, I'm in a relationship, yes, I've never had drug problems or been violent, but I can't imagine one mh professional I've encountered ever suggesting termination to me or to anyone I've known with more severe mh problems if we didn't bring it up. Maybe they'd allude to it, "do you know your options?" but they wouldn't pursue it if it wasn't ventured. And you may be ill, but you're compos mentis enough to be weighing your options in a reasoned way in writing on an online forum.

If you like her then tell her if she's upset you. I still think it's incredibly inappropriate for her to weigh in so heavily on such a delicate decision. She can't predict how well you will be in any time frame in the future. She can judge in her estimation, but I think you would find that most consultant psychiatrists would be far more reserved in offering their advice than this cc has been. It's not the dark ages.

I am assuming you're UK based?

I wouldn't discount it as an option if you feel you would fair better and recover better without the added responsibility of a new child and coping with new services being involved. I don't remember the names of the good helplines who give support if you are considering it. There are people on mumsnet more knowledgeable about this kind of decision than me who may weigh in.

I really hope you get the support you need without unnecessary pressure. And find good health and mental wellbeing.