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Having family stay for over the due date period and getting things ready for no2.(10 Posts)
Just wondering what to do really.
Have lived in same town for a couple of years but no-one I can really call on to look after DC1 who is just turning 3 years old if labour starts in the middle of the night.
My in laws are able to help and have said they will come and stay for a week each before the due date. This is good with respect to one of my in laws as I really like them and enjoy their company a lot and ok with the other one. I wont lie, i'll find it quite stressy to live with house guests for 2 odd weeks but Id rather that than not have DH with me when in hospital pushing and delivering a baby. We looked into a doula but we decided we'd rather DH be at the birth.
I was thinking of having one stay from 38.5 weeks to 39 weeks and the other from 39 to 40 weeks when both of my parents will come over (they've offered to stay for 3 nights and then at a hotel an 10 minute walk away and for us to call them to come over/collect when it's labour time).
A bit worried how all this will work. Are my in laws coming too early/late? Has anyone else done similar and how did it work out?
A bit of a how long is a piece of string question but DC1 arrived 5 days after due date and this baby has a due date a week earlier than I have calculated.
I also dont have a moses basket ready until i'm 36 weeks as Im borrowing one and due to to diary clashes, cant do any sooner.
Feeling a bit stressed.
Any words of wisdom?
I'm 38wks with dc2 and ds was also born at term +5, so I'm not expecting anything to happen before the due date at least
do you hear that family?!
I would maybe think it's a bit early for having family stay just in case, but only you can make that call. How far along are you now?
Our closest family is FIL who is about an hour away - and I was quick with ds! So we've got our good friends (with ds same age, 2.6) to be our main child care in case of labour. However we're also planning a homebirth to minimise disruption - is that an option?
Sadly, no good friends, just people who Im friends with for coffee/play dates but I wouldn't say very close to and they have jobs/ own children or dont have transport. I am a bit odd in that way. Good friends are a couple of hours away and def wouldn't be able to come at the drop of a hat.
Im 34+ 2 days now.
I am 100% sure that I don't want a home birth. Although people keep telling me there's little to clean up afterwards as midwives do it all, i dont have the space for washing/ drying extra towels and linens that may be used in the birth. Also, I tore/cut relatively badly with DC 1 and whilst I know it might not happen again, I want to be at hospital.
In that case I'd probably have one to stay at 39wks and one at 40wks i can understand wanting to be in hospital if you tore badly too. Were you quick with your first? If you've got few hours to play with then could the good friends two hours away be emergency childcare?
It sounds like you've found a good compromise with the childcare plan. I'd maybe try and plan in some outings for in-laws to get then out of the house for a few hours- get details of local places of interest, some cinema vouchers ('I felt bad getting you over here to sit and be bored so booked ...' to help pass the time.') that sort of thing.
Moses basket timing sounds fine. If baby is born before 37 weeks you will need to stay in for a while so will have time to sort things out.
My in laws want to come and stay around the due date too. Don't get my wrong I love them and we all get on fine plus they are brilliant with my DD but I just don't want anyone staying at mine around this special time. When I get home with the new baby I want to be able to just have time with my little family when I want it. Just us 4! I'm happy for them to stay once the baby is a few days old or stay in a hotel and visit like the rest of my family will do. My DH won't say to them they need to stay in a hotel or at my DM, she has lots of room and is more then happy to put them up. So it's down to me to tell them. I feel bad but you can never get this time back. And I don't want to share it!
I personally wouldn't want people hanging around. I'd feel like they where waiting for me to perform (& MIL drives me insane!) How far away are they? If I was one of your coffee/play date friends I would happily take DC1 for a few hours until they arrived. I don't think it would occur to me to offer though as I'd think you'd ask if you needed me. Is DC1 in nursery? If so they'd only have to have him for the night bit & drop off/pick up.
I agree that play date friends or neighbours would probably be happy to help if asked. We've had some people we don't know all that well offer to have ds if we're stuck when the time comes.
Can you afford a maternity nanny? If so you could book them for say a month to cover 2 weeks before and 2 weeks after. You can find one happy to look after elder children also so they could come in during the day for the last 1/2 weeks and help with eldest ie bath/ take for walk with you to help watch/ lift etc, or play with whilst you rest. They are booked usually for 24 hrs shift so most would be happy to be booked and available for 24/7 for a few weeks. You can use in the day before, and they will be on call to stay at yours when you need to be at hospital.
When you get home you can ask them to just come in the day if you would prefer, or for them to stay at yours and help with both.
I haven't looked at nanny option and out budget on that would £600 in the west midlands area which is the same as we would have been able to pay for a doula.
About play date friends, they also work too and another has a DH who works shift. Im not sure they would really be happy to be disturbed at 3 am in the morning and then have to go to do the nursery run and work the next day. I have to say, I wouldn't mind as I only work 3 days per week but i couldnt go to to work the next day if id been called on at 3am on a monday night. i've got a 50 min - 1 hour commute each way and nervous driver when tired. Its a really tough one.
My good friend doesn't drive and works full time. My parents are in a different country and are coming to England as one of their holidays and the in laws are in Scotland and practically London/ Hertfordshire area.
nomorepeppa, my DH and i feel the same, after birth, we would like it just the four of us and luckily my parents feel the same and are happy to stay in a hotel.
I have loads to think about from all your replies - thank you.
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