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Just terrified!

(11 Posts)
Tomkat79 Mon 24-Mar-14 22:31:38

Hi all...34+2 here.
This much wanted baby keeps playing tricks on me. Quiet days and then more active in the evening. By then my anxiety levels are through the roof. I'm finding the responsibility of kick counting just so overwhelming and have already been into hospital for some monitoring. She was fine! If something was wrong and I missed it I'd never forgive myself.
We had a MC in may last year and have spent this whole pregnancy just praying to get to the end with a healthy baby.
Just finished nct antenatal classes and all the other mums to be are relaxed and worried about the birth and afterwards....I'm just focusing on making it that far. This MC malarkey certainly leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.
I just daren't imagine it all having a happy ending. It's slowly sending me crazy. Any hand holding appreciated.

callamia Mon 24-Mar-14 22:44:57

I was you six months ago. My naughty baby never moved during the night, which resulted in some very long and anxiety-ridden nights of no sleep. I went in for monitoring three times, and all was always well, but I was never made to feel silly or neurotic, so don't ever be put off.

I never really managed to put the anxieties away, I had had two friends have late miscarriages and a still birth, and that fear never really left me. I often wishes that I could have a little window into my womb so I could check on him. I am now, however, holding my five month old as he falls asleep, and this will be you soon. It's difficult to imagine because it's so far removed from anything you already know. You're doing the right things by kick counting and being aware of what to do if you're worried - you're going to make a marvellous mother.

I hope the anxiety lessens as you get closer to your due date; I found going to yoga and practicing the relaxing breathing to be a huge help. Really long and deep breaths also often encouraged some movement. Good luck to you, and be kind to yourself.

HowAboutNo Tue 25-Mar-14 05:20:57

I'm 31 weeks and you have described how I feel at the moment down to a T. The kick counting feels like a huge responsibility and it's hard to trust myself to know when something is up as, like you, I've never done this before.

The PP has it right - all we can do is just keep on keeping on and take it day by day. Every day I make it through feels like a bonus. My baby doesn't move much either which is terrifying some days. It took 2 hrs and 4 glasses of cold water the other night to get finally get to 10 kicks for the day!

Sorry about your previous loss, it's bound to shape the way you feel now. Here's to your beautiful, healthy little baby you'll be holding in a few short weeks thanks

Tomkat79 Tue 25-Mar-14 07:30:25

Thank you for your lovely encouragement and hand holding. I think a womb window would be ideal.

Congratulations on your scrummy boy callamia and yoga...yep might give that a go.

Here's to a busy reassuring kicking day how smile

ItsSpringBaby Tue 25-Mar-14 08:33:18

I feel the same way and it's hard (33 weeks). I've had two babies before and my anxiety levels with this one are close to beyond bearable. I feel I am going slightly berserk at times. It's certainly not helping that this has turned into my first high-risk pregnancy so I feel I now have something to worry about, despite the extra monitoring I'm having.

I can't relax much, and I do feel like I'm just hoping and praying to end up with a live baby. I don't even want to go so far as to imagine life post-birth just in case anything happens. To be honest I'm quite miserable and I just want to get to the end as soon as possible.

I honestly think kick counts can increase anxiety dramatically, I've never done them before until now - and there is no pattern. She can be fairly still for hours and then suddenly go crazy, her quiet and active times are totally unpredictable. If I went into hospital every time I was worried I would probably be permanently hooked up to a machine! I can't believe that I was so unbothered with my previous two, I don't think I ever even thought about movements.

That long rant over with, I know OBJECTIVELY that the vast majority of babies are born alive and well and that worrying about the unknown is of no use! At the moment I'm trying really hard to just focus on getting through day to day life, focus on my obsessive kick counting, know that I'm doing everything I can, and the rest is out of my hands. Now I'm off for a cup of tea hehe

Roseandmabelshouse Tue 25-Mar-14 08:37:08

Can I join the club. It surprises me the number if people who assume everything will be just fine. I know I have a negative view following my previous pregnancy loss.

I'm trying to buy things and get excited, but the voice in the back of my mind tells me not to get my hopes up. I still haven't had my 20 week scan yet which is causing major stress!

cheekyfunkymonkey Tue 25-Mar-14 08:40:45

Realxing is the best thing you can do for your baby. I can't recommend pregnancy yoga enough. Relaxation cds also really help and when you're lying down and relaxed you should feel your baby more.

squizita Tue 25-Mar-14 09:33:55

Pregnancy after MC sucks big time - there is a thread here (and a whole board over at the miscarriage association forum) full of us.

Have you spoken to your MW? You can get CBT or just a nurse to support. I have also found Mindfulness very useful indeed.

I understand they no longer say 'count to 10' if that is creating OCD/stress - there's advice over on the count the kicks website.

Don't worry about worry/stress hurting baby (When people say 'stress is bad' the post-MC brain immediately panics and gets in a cycle!) but it is hurting you so take care of yourself.

The only thing keeps me sane is my daily clexane injection!

squizita Tue 25-Mar-14 09:35:50

PS. I meant they still suggest being aware of kicks - but not just always 10. A more organic 'does it feel right' approach.

panicmechanic Tue 25-Mar-14 19:32:40

Hi there, I hope that this post reassures and doesn't cause a scare but I have had a couple of mc's and sadly a stillborn. On all ocassions I felt kicks/movements and although I think counting the kicks is really important I think you would also sense when something changes. I know I did. I am 30 weeks now again and try not to worry too much but focus on if I feel different. Good luck

PuppyMummy Tue 25-Mar-14 20:19:12

just wanted to try and reassure you that you dont need to 'count'.

my midwife told me to be aware of babys pattern of movement and be concerned if that changes rather than look for a number.

for example my baby is a bit wriggly first thing then pretty quite until I have lunch then more active in the early afternoon then quiet again until I go to bed.

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