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33 weeks pregnant and struggling with thought of change.

(10 Posts)
AmberSweet Sun 23-Mar-14 20:43:20

Hi everyone I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant with a very much wanted 2nd dc, first dc with my dp. I have a 6 (nearly 7) year old Ds from a previous relationship.

My dp and Ds utterly adore eachother and I have no doubts about dp's feelings towards Ds once the baby arrives, I know they will still have a very special bond.

Lately though I just can't seem to hold my own emotions and feelings together. I love Ds with such ferocity that it almost physically hurts. I love this baby also so so much but when I look at Ds I can't imagine ever loving another child like I love him. I know that others much feel like way and I suppose I'm just looking for reassurance that it will all be ok and it all just 'works' as such?

What's prompted this post is that I've just spent the last hour bawling my eyes out because I'm so scared and feel so horrible sad

WillSingForCake Sun 23-Mar-14 21:01:47

Hi Amber, can't offer much reassurance, but just wanted to say you're not alone in feeling this way. I'm 38 wks pregnant with a DS, and have a 2.6 year old DD. My DD is a delight - such a lovely easy child, who sleeps brilliantly, and life is pretty easy at the moment. As my due date approaches I'm having serious 'oh my god what am I doing' wobbles about how much all of our lives are going to change. It doesn't help that I hated the newborn days with my DD - I was so knackered and also had PND, so am keeping everything crossed that DS will be an easy baby!

AmberSweet Mon 24-Mar-14 06:30:28

Hi willsing yes that's exactly how I feel! My Ds is amazing. So sweet and funny and tbh he's never been any trouble at all even as a newborn (which I'm sure he'll make up for as a teenager grin). Realistically I know it will all be ok and it's probably just my hormones but it's still a horrible feeling sad

Tomkat79 Mon 24-Mar-14 11:24:58

Hi Amber

I feel exactly like you and have been fretting. My DS from previous marriage is 7 and he's amazing too...he's never been any trouble and he's got me through so much. Currently 34 weeks with a DD on the way and as excited as I am there is a part of me that will miss that 1-1 bond I share exclusively with my little man.
I think deep down we know it will just work out and be fine. It's a big upheaval again after 6-7 years. I'm pretty sure tho that it will enrich us as a family and we will all be just fine.
Good luck xx

canweseethebunnies Mon 24-Mar-14 12:49:46

I am only 10 weeks pg with my second and have a 5yo from a previous relationship and I have the same concern! My dd is plenty of trouble but that doesn't stop utterly adoring every fibre of her being, and we have a very close bond. I can't imagine another child being as amazing as she is!

I was talking to a friend who has two, and she said not to worry. She said her capacity for love just expanded on a way she couldn't have imagined, and it added to her bond with her first rather than taking away from it.

I do think it's harder to imagine when you have a larger gap. When people have dc much closer together they probably don't have much time to think about it.

Sativa Mon 24-Mar-14 12:54:22

This is more common than people will admit. Until the baby is real it's easy to imagine all sorts of things as it's an unknown quantity.

It'll be fine. Love is love.

Best wishes x

JazzAnnNonMouse Mon 24-Mar-14 22:15:19

I used to think this when pregnant with dd2.
My mil said 'every baby brings the love with them'
It's true, the bond is strong naturally and instinctively just like with dc1 but it also develops into that heart squeezing love as their personality develops.
That's how it's been for me anyway.
Good luck thanks soon you can have wine grin

IComeFromALandDownUnder Mon 24-Mar-14 22:24:06

I was the exact same for the latter half of my second pregnancy. I thought the new baby was going to ruin our family unit. As soon as she was born I couldn't believe I ever thought that as the poster said above I just instinctively wanted to love and protect her. Also I had forgotten how much newborns sleep in the beginning which gave me plenty of time to spend with dc1 while she got used to the new arrival.

AmberSweet Wed 26-Mar-14 19:12:15

Sorry it's taken me so long to reply! I've been ill the last few days. Your messages have helped me so much and it's really comforting to know that others feel the same! My Ds is so excited to meet the baby and doesn't seem to have any concerns about all the changes that come along with being a big brother so maybe I should follow his lead smile

weebigmamma Wed 26-Mar-14 19:29:39

I am 37 weeks and have spent much of this pregnancy feeling the same as you all. My DD is 10yrs old and she's a wonderful kid and I also hated the baby days and had PND very badly. I am very nervous!! But in the last couple of weeks I have started to feel more of a bond with this new one, I think it has happened partly because of getting the house ready for him and buying clothes and realising how very small and vulnerable he will be and how much he will really need us all. I think that when he comes it will be OK. I am really glad that Mumsnet exists now. I have found this forum such a comfort and threads like this make me feel less alone so maybe we can stick together after the births as well. xxx

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