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In-laws... different kind of complaint! ;o)

(15 Posts)
Kellyjdancer Fri 21-Mar-14 12:59:23

This may be a bit of an odd complaint.

I am not English and my family lives abroad. My husband has a very small family; mum, dad, aunt who live about 30 minutes away. He has a brother and sister-in-law who live in Ireland (who are expecting their first baby this summer). My in-laws don't travel very often. However, this weekend, they are going to Ireland to see my BIL and SIL. This will be my FIL's second time ever on an airplane (to give you an idea of how often they travel).

I'm 38 weeks pregnant... I'm a bit bothered that they have decided to travel so close to my due date. Am I totally bothered over nothing? I guess I feel that they aren't very excited about the impending birth of their first grandchild if they are happy to miss it... I've been having some complications and I'm being sent back to the hospital today and there is every chance I could deliver this weekend.

I'm just sad that we won't have any family around. I know a lot of people are upset that their families are over-involved in the labour and delivery. I just wish we had some family around to care about ours. My question is - is this my crazy pregnancy hormones making me act irrational or is this is a normal reaction?

whiteblossom Fri 21-Mar-14 13:32:09

mmmm I understand what you mean, do the IL's understand your situation regarding delivery? If they do then get used to it, it sounds like its just the way they are. what does your dh say?

eurochick Fri 21-Mar-14 14:12:05

They're only going for the weekend and only to Ireland. They can get back in a few hours if they needed to. TBH it wouldn't bother me at all. You could deliver any time from 38-42 weeks. I wouldn't expect someone to avoid going a few hours from home over that period.

Do they realise that there is a liklihood that you might deliver over the weekend?

peeapod Fri 21-Mar-14 14:22:25

I am using my pregnancy and birth of my baby to establish who in my family and friends network I can rely on and who will stay way etc.

I would rather know now where I stand with things than have false relationships. Yes, it might mean a smaller support network, but it is more important who is in it that how big it is.

I have put all past issues aside and made it clear its a new start for those who want it. but, selfishly I have made it clear I need people around me supporting me with baby for now. I can support them in the future, but now its about me.

Sometimes its good to be selfish, sometimes its good to be direct, clear and honest. I don't know if this is the case for you but it would be the approach I would take.

Be clear, direct and honest about your current situation to them. it might make them change their mind...

Technical Fri 21-Mar-14 14:22:55

I can understand why you feel how you do - you want family to be as excited as you are but if they're going just for the weekend, even if you go into labour now, they'll be back before you're ready to see anyone.

Also, they're probably thinking they do want to be around when/after your baby is born, so this is their last opportunity for a while to go and see their other son.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Fri 21-Mar-14 14:24:28

I think it sounds like crazy pregnancy hormones. Good luck with the birth whenever that happens.

Technical Fri 21-Mar-14 14:27:10

urgh peeapod, maybe that hasn't come across as you intended, but really? you're "bribing" people to be at your beck and call now if they want anything to do with you and your baby after it's born?

If any daughter/DILgrinf mine told me I couldn't go on a short trip 2 weeks before her baby was due, I'd tell her exactly what she could do I'm afraid - and I'm very family orientated and generally put family ahead of everything else, including myself.

Technical Fri 21-Mar-14 14:27:50

not sure where the grin came form, DIL of mine....

flymo79 Fri 21-Mar-14 14:34:39

I'm sure they will want to see you and your LO as soon as they have arrived, but maybe they feel that they don't need to be there pacing the hospital corridors while you labour. I appreciate that hormones might be making you feel abandoned and sad (because your family isn't near) and that sucks. But maybe just talk it through and you will get some reassurance. My inlaws are not too far away, but I'd rather they stayed away until I have baby home and am ready to see people.

Kellyjdancer Fri 21-Mar-14 14:49:22

I thought it was my hormones making me a bit irrational. I can see most of you feel that way too. I think I'm just feeling needy since the birth is immenent and I feel like my family is really far away.

I agree it seems silly to be sad that they are traveling when there is no guarantee baby will appear this weekend.

Thanks for the reality check. I'll put my big girl pants on and move on. grin) If baby does appear this weekend, they are back on Tuesday night and will be able to meet baby on Wednesday. Not a big deal in the grand sceme of things.

lighteningmcmama Fri 21-Mar-14 14:50:10

Are there other things that indicate they are not bothered, or just this? If just this I think you're maybe overreacting a little-they may even have timed the trip in order to avoid being around at the birth, as that is Tbh what most DILs want and maybe they've assumed the same. I would also wonder whether perhaps your dh has communicated to them your situation fully, ime men can be a bit rubbish about communicating even really blatently obviously important stuff.

rockin20s Fri 21-Mar-14 14:50:34

i would agree with flymo

even if you go into labour tonight you may not have the baby till tomorrow, and you will want to bond and recover with your baby, i would think them seeing you on Monday would be the earliest you would want o see them anyway.

try to relax, your DH is there with you and will be with you in labour, thats all you will need! everyone one else can wait a few days!

lighteningmcmama Fri 21-Mar-14 14:51:14

Sorry cross post, hope all goes well with your birth smile

Kellyjdancer Fri 21-Mar-14 15:25:45

There have been a few things that make my husband and I feel like they aren't bothered by the pregnancy. But it could be that they aren't bothered by the pregnancy and will be excited when the baby is actually here - which is fair enough.

They don't seem particularly interested in BIL and SIL's pregnancy either.

Thanks for the pep talk everyone. I feel better already knowing this is my crazy hormones! Off to the hospital now. Fingers crossed the baby gets to cook a bit longer. grin)

livingzuid Fri 21-Mar-14 15:39:53

They might want to not project onto you and are being considerate of your space too. My mil is overexcited but curbing it quite well. Which suits me fine as I do not want to be crowded!

It's hard for people to relate to a pregnancy if they aren't going through it. I think they will be far more interested once the baby arrives as well.

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