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Grrrr why lie!!!

(14 Posts)
Snook99 Wed 19-Mar-14 22:32:26

In such a bad mood today! Last 2 days I can smell smoke on my partner I know he's started smoking again (smells are going crazy!) we both used to smoke and have found it hard to stop but when I ask him he just runs to the shower and gets defensive! Grrrr he done this last time we quit till I found a packet in his car and he only admitted it about a year later! It's not even the fact he's been smoking it's the lying I can't stand it!!!

Sorry just needed to post a shouty post!! X

Boogles91 Wed 19-Mar-14 23:09:52

He shouldnt feel the need to lie. Just say to him, if you domt want to quit then im ok with it but i would prefere it if you went outside or in the other room to smoke. Dont try and change him, he will go all defensive. Tryand put your point across softley but so he understAnds that your not whinin or having a go as i know what men are like if think were winging at them -.- and also say to him he shouldnt lie to you, as its that what upsets you not the fact hes still smoking and make him understand its the little white lies that hurt. My hubby said to me when he quit if you wanna smoke i dont mind, just dont smoke me out lol as a joke like smile and if i dint want to go into the other room or was just too tired to go back out after work to have one, id ask if he wunt mind me opening the window n having one in front room. Hes smoking again now though as weve both had a rough couple of years together :/ i could do with one sometimes! sad dont take offence to this but he sounds like has a communication issue. With you wich he needs to address -.- i could never lie to my hubby for a whole year, and nor could he to me. Especially over something so petty as that :/ good luck with talking to him, just try and stay calm as i said xx

Snook99 Wed 19-Mar-14 23:16:38

I just went to bed and left him to it, don't want an argue bet! we get on great and talk about everything we don't have lies about anything except this which is what is so fustrating. He even lies to his best friends about smoking so I think it's more he feels he's let him self down, most fustrating thing is we quick back in November and all of a sudden it's started again! Gosh your braver than me I would be going crazy if it was in front of me still have terrible cravings! But think it's more the case you can't have ou want more of! X

Tomkat79 Wed 19-Mar-14 23:19:32

Hi OP...agree with the above. I've had to totally change my approach to OH about his smoking. I quit immediately when found out was pregnant, he said he'd quit before she's born which is 6 weeks time. I know he won't, he knows he won't and he feels shit about it so he used to get the right hump and almost put me in the firing line to deflect from the fact that he hates himself for his stinky addiction.
Now I'm very nice about it and have politely suggested that rather than quit please would he consider an e cig/nrt otherwise he will be unable to hold his daughter for 8 hours after a fag and will be spending cold lonely nights on the sofa. A smoke free alternative goes down a lot better than quitting!
An ex of mine used to lie when faced with cold facts right in front of him. Never understood it. Men. (Rolls eyes)

Snook99 Wed 19-Mar-14 23:26:19

Mine was on the e-cigs I don't even know why he's started again as he works for himself so not work related or friend related it's something he's chose to do himself, and we did intend on quitting together because if the exact same reason! But I'm sure as time goes on he will em realise on his own, which is what he needs to do! I think I'm more jealous if I'm honest but shhh! I wouldn't dare though or even passive smoke! Glad I'm not alone! I don't want to come across a controlling maniac just wanted to moan on here rather than at him hahha x

Tomkat79 Wed 19-Mar-14 23:30:58

Haha snook your secrets safe here. Fortunately the sight and smell of a fag from about 4 weeks preg has just made me sick! No way I could if I wanted to. Hope it continues when not preg as would be stupid to start again at any time in the future!

Snook99 Wed 19-Mar-14 23:33:44

Yea I don't think I will don't want to risk even being around a little one if I smoked not fair on them as it's still bad even if you do it outside and come in, I'm just in a funny mood today lol! But thank you made me feel nearly human again! smile x

porcito Thu 20-Mar-14 02:47:52

Just found out the same about mine! It's not the smoking again that's really bothered me, although I'd rather he wasn't (mainly because I can't!). It's the lying about it... he goes to the shop, which is about 35seconds from our house, comes back about 10 mins later, smelling of smoke. I had to explain that pregnancy doesn't actually rot brain cells, and I now have a nose like a bloodhound. So frustrating!! I appreciate he has given up with me through the pregnancy, so am grateful for that, but GRR, don't lie!

Snook99 Thu 20-Mar-14 07:48:51

Hahahaaa mines not that bad I guess as least he tries to spray deodrant lol! I honestly think it's just the disappointment in themselves silly men they need to do if for themselves or just smoke if that's what they want! X

squizita Thu 20-Mar-14 08:38:32

I know my DH would find it very hard to quit so set out ground rules:
-not near me
-not in the house
-when dc is here, designated smoking jumper which lives in the shed so no smoky clothes.

He fully agreed to this, I did have a nag as his mum died relatively young thanks to smoking. Winter has been my ally though... e-cigs and gum are being used to avoid the rainy garden so he's naturally cutting down.

Snook99 Thu 20-Mar-14 09:43:31

That's good those e-cigs was fab for me when I quit the reason we originally quit was his dad died at around 4(/59 of a sudden heart attact but I'm sure he will get there! Just needs some inspiration! X

Snook99 Thu 20-Mar-14 09:43:46

Around 45/50

squizita Thu 20-Mar-14 09:59:37

Snook yeah similar story with DH's mum. sad Lovely lady I do miss her. She was so fit and healthy (or so it seems) and then one day just died.
Scary stuff ... but DH really struggles, I hope the e-ciggs will help him.

Snook99 Thu 20-Mar-14 17:58:00

It is really sad but again my partners dad was pretty healthy apart from running a pub, the most awful thing was he was a twin and his brother had the op booked a few days after his dad passed to have stents done which was what he's dad needed. But I guess the silver lining is we know we need I be careful and get my partner checked out now and again! But I'm sure they will they are great and you can get different makes and they're all completely different! X

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