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stupid DP does not understand my tiredness

(23 Posts)
alita7 Sat 15-Mar-14 21:13:02

I'm 6 + 3 and DP has just stormed off because I said I can't watch a whole film as I need sleep. This keeps happening, he decides he wants to watch something together at 9 or 10pm...
I have work tomorrow and I'm doing a double shift, 7.30 am - 9.30 pm I have to get up at 6.30 and I know I'm going to be exhausted so I want to get at least 8 hrs even though I'll still have my eyes going by midday I bet!
He doesn't need much sleep, he's Ok on 4 - 6 hrs, he doesn't have work (at all atm after being made redundant) and he's not pregnant yet I'm apparently the selfish [insert nasty word]...
And as im over emotional I want to go smash his head in (he's stormed off to the living room) grrrrrrr.
Rant over.

squizita Sat 15-Mar-14 21:20:04


Bang out of order! You're tired and you work ... of course you need a rest. I would be angry too!

I looked like a sack of cold s**t weeks 6-9, grey/green, greasy hair, the works. DH couldn't very well argue with that.

GingerMaman Sat 15-Mar-14 21:25:21

You need to speak to him. Seriously. The tiredness after birth will be at least 5 x more.

alita7 Sat 15-Mar-14 21:37:58

Gingermaman it's not like I haven't spent the past few days clearly exhausted... I was asleep on Friday afternoon when he got in from collecting DSD from school :p

This is a long standing issue which he can't seem to get over, the fact that I need more sleep than him and on work days need to be in bed at a certain time, it was a problem before I was pregnant and I've talked to him about it many times and he believes I could train myself to live on less... well pregnancy is definitely not the time, not that I will do it anyway, I'm fine with how much I sleep ta!

Snook99 Sat 15-Mar-14 21:40:57

This made me chuckle! Mine has done exactly the same!!! I don't have the attention span to watch a whole film! If only we could swap shoes with them for a day or two!!! X

alita7 Sat 15-Mar-14 21:48:01

Snook I would if I could :p

Driveway Sat 15-Mar-14 21:52:38

So he calls you names for feeling tired? What does he do if you are ill? Poke you with a stick?
When you go into labour will be be highly affronted?

I just can't understand the mindset. He sounds like a complete idiot. Sorry!

PenguinsEatSpinach Sat 15-Mar-14 21:54:55

Jeez, I would consider this shitty behaviour from my husband if I wasn't pregnant. If you are tired and want to sleep, you are tired and want to sleep.

In pregnancy, magnify that by 1000.

HannahG315 Sat 15-Mar-14 22:10:25

This is a definite 'your sleeping on the couch' offence!

Roseandmabelshouse Sun 16-Mar-14 04:48:22

He needs a serous reality check. What will he do when tge baby arrives ? Seriously you need to nip this in the bud

Daytona79 Sun 16-Mar-14 05:02:47

Tell him to dry his eyes - silly man.

And watch movie at 5pm if it bothers him that much.

icklekid Sun 16-Mar-14 05:08:41

My dh is used to me falling asleep on sofa during a film when not pregnant. He knows I need sleep- always have, always will. I also always wake by 5am! Think you need an jonest conversation- has he always been like this about sleep? Does he realise how much he is upsetting you?

hoboken Sun 16-Mar-14 05:15:11

He sounds rather selfish - are there other parts of life in which he is insistent about his own way? HIBVU

mathanxiety Sun 16-Mar-14 05:35:28

Why are you with this jerk?

Chells Sun 16-Mar-14 05:41:10

On the plus side, if he is fine on less sleep then he can deal with baby from 5pm-midnight and you go to bed ASAP! Honest chat sounds long overdue...

eurochick Sun 16-Mar-14 10:15:12

What a shit. In the past 2 weeks you have grown the beginnings of a heart. At the moment you are growing a brain (I had several early scans and saw the heartbeat at 6 weeks and brain activity at 7 weeks - amazing how early this stuff happens when you consider how long pregnancy lasts). If he understood what was going on inside maybe he would get it. Can you get him reading stuff about embryo development to help him to understand. If he is by nature a selfish prick, this may not work...

alita7 Sun 16-Mar-14 13:13:25

Well his daughter is autistic so sometimes I think he's on the spectrum too. He did apologise thus morning saying he was disappointed. Just think he needs to think about priorities! He's so lovely and generous sometimes and so selfish other times but then I suppose he's well balanced :p
I want to breastfeed which will make him getting up difficult for the first few weeks but it will definitely be more his job once I'm expressing! ;)
Thanks for letting me vent and for confirming I wasn't over reacting smile

Jcb77 Sun 16-Mar-14 20:27:25

Train yourself to need less sleep? Went to a lecture on sleep physiology last year and among other really very interesting points that were made was the one where the lecturer said 'you can't train yourself to need less sleep anymore than you can train yourself to be 6 foot 4 just because you want to'. My dh needs much less than I do. He uses the extra time when I'm asleep to play his computer games..... Yes, you can cope with with less, you can alter your sleep patterns to fit with shift times etc but your physiological sleep requirements are set by the time you're out of your teens. You can't bloody train yourself out of them and at 6 weeks pregnant you shouldn't even try! Idiot man.

mathanxiety Sun 16-Mar-14 20:57:29

Depriving someone of sleep is a mark of abuse. Saying he is 'disappointed' you would not stay up and chose sleep over his whim is not too far from that.

Did you tell him you too were disappointed that he is such a selfish prick?

Kri5ty Mon 17-Mar-14 13:38:30

I feel for you mines exactly the same!

I'm 31 weeks, have a toddler who i take to classes 4 days a week, work 37 hours during the other 3 days, do all the housework and the food shop.

I've asked for countless back rubs etc, i just get "no, I'm tired from work"..... Erm hello?!?!?

BakingBunty Mon 17-Mar-14 19:47:59

Um, couldn't he just watch the film on his own?!

mathanxiety Tue 18-Mar-14 00:55:30

He could of course, but this sort of thing is about attention to him and resentment that wifey's life doesn't revolve around him any more.

weebigmamma Tue 18-Mar-14 01:17:09

Before I got pregnant I would have struggled to understand why someone in the early stages got so tired as well. You need to explain to him that it is in the first trimester that your body is forming the baby and it takes a LOT of your body's energy to do this. It might be tiny but it will eventually be a tiny fully formed human being and your body is making it happen all by itself. Later on the tiredness comes from the baby getting bigger and heavier and your energy is directed into making it grow bigger and enabling you to move around and exist (!) while it also needs to be able to move and grow etc. At that stage you are essentially two people in one body. If he is on the ASD spectrum maybe having the medical information will help him understand.

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