Delayed mc- what option did you chose and why?

[Tigerstar123]

Hi ladies.

Last night I posted that I was bleeding at just under 12 weeks.
Today I was sent to EPU for a scan. I was told-and shown-that my sac was empty :-(( they explained I've had a delayed mc, so technically still pg...
I have been sent away to consider my options:
1 natural waiting to pass tissue
2 tablets
3 surgery

Just wondered what you chose to do and why?

I've looked on Internet (not always a good thing- but checked nct and miscarriage assoc) and found pros and cons with all. Think we've ruled out natural loss, but can't decide on 2 or 3.

Thanks in advance. Xxx

[FancySpaceGloves]

So sorry for you.

I chose option 1 (wait for it to pass naturally) because I'm a closet hippy

After 2 weeks I couldn't take it any more (worrying about it passing at work, knowing I was carrying nothing, just wanting it to be over, etc). I went back to the doc.

I wasn't given option 2 (tablets), so I went with option 3 (surgery).

The D&C was fine. Hospital people were lovely. I felt much better afterwards. DH was happier too - he found it exceptionally hard waiting but felt he had to be outwardly strong for me.

Btw, like many other people, I got pregnant again v soon afterwards. A bit under one year after the D&C I gave birth to a healthy lovely little boy.

[Ferreroroche123]

Firstly, I'm very sorry for your loss.

I had a missed miscarriage last April. In my case I hadn't experienced any bleeding and had no idea anything was wrong until the scan revealed no heartbeat.

Because it was such a shock and my body hadn't even realised my baby was no longer alive, I couldn't bear the thought of going home and waiting potentially several weeks for something to start naturally.

I also was terrified of the possible pain associated with the tablets, and was scared about how long it might take, and the possibility that I might still have to have an ERPC if it didn't work.

I wanted it over with quickly, so I opted for the surgery. The surgery itself was quick and relatively painless. I felt ok after a day or two.

Unfortunately, I did have some issues later when I experienced excruciating labour contractions for 3 days because a small amount of tissue had been left behind. I then developed an infection. These things would have been easily resolved had I not received appalling neglect from my hospital. I ended up seeing a private gynaecologist in Harley street and was pain free and without complication just 4 days later. However, this was specific to my case and I'm sure many people have very straight forward ERPC's. I hope this helps.

I think everyone chooses different options for their own reasons. It really is what is most comfortable for you.

I wish you all the best x

[Mar2010]

So sorry for your loss. I didn't want option 1 as I felt my body already didn't realise something was wrong and (and had been for many weeks) so iIdidn't want to have to wait until it did. I tried option 2 but despite 2 complete courses of the drugs, nothing happened except having horrific diarrhea which really upset me. So I was told I had to have option 3 which was great for me as I liked being knocked out with the general anaesthetic and waking up when it was all over. When I had another missed miscarriage 2 years later (a healthy boy born inbetween), I immediately opted for option 3 and found out my hospital now offer it under local anaesthetic. There was a lot of discomfort but it passed quickly and I was able to go home very quickly afterwards and start putting it behind me. If I'm ever unfortunate enough to have a 3rdmissed miscarriage I'd definitely go for option 3 under local anaesthetic again.

I hope you're able to make the best decision for you.

[HopefulHamster]

Option 1 didn't work for me and I wasn't given option 2. Option 3 appeared fine but it since transpires I may have some serious fertility issues due to the ERPC. I am currently pregnant however, so I am hoping they were wrong about that. However I would try 1/2 over 3 next time. I believe option two can result in severe bleeding sometimes which is why some hospitals don't like it.

[HopefulHamster]

Also, very sorry for your loss. There is nothing I can say to make it better. It's just shit, and the choices are shit. all you can do is find the best route for you. ((hugs))

[MyNameIsWinkly]

I'm sorry for your loss. When I had an mmc last August I had the surgery. No way was I waiting around for weeks, maybe more, for my body to catch on naturally. I didn't opt for the tablets because it sounded slow, messy and painful.

My ERPC was the day after the loss was confirmed, it didn't hurt, I barely bled afterwards, and because it was surgery I had 2 weeks signed off work to grieve. It was as tidy as such a thing can possibly be, and for me it was good knowing when it would all be 'over', rather than dragging it out with tablets etc.

My next period came 6 weeks later and I conceived again that cycle, and it stuck, so please don't worry that surgery will lead to problems if you decide you want to try again if/when you feel ready - but don't pressure yourself, you're going through a lot right now.

[Tigerstar123]

Thank you all so much with your responses and your experiences.
So sorry to all of you on your losses.
I'm still in shock with the whole thing.

I am going to sit down with husband and discuss options. Think I won't choose number 1. I agree with your views that if our bodies don't even know there is no baby, how would it know to repel the tissue.

I got the impression our hospital kind of favoured option 2. She gave us a leaflet on that, and when I asked for leaflet on option 3 she said it was mostly a post op care leaflet. She was good though and discussed the options and gave us time to think and chat. Told her though I wanted to check out Internet first- in my profession I love evidence!

It's great and heartwarming to hear that even after delayed mc you have conceived again :-) Good luck to you all and fingers crossed.
We will want to try again when we feel ready.

Xxx

[Hevava]

What sad news tigerstar123 :-( It is so awful for you to get news like that after weeks of expectancy and 1st trimester symptoms. I'm sorry you've had to go through it.

I had a mmc about a year ago and when I found out, the most frightening thing was the prospect of the physical pain/ distress that I might still have to go through, on top of trying to deal with it emotionally. I've read some pretty horrific stories on here of people's experiences and them being stuck on the toilet for hours at a time or having to use nappies because it was the only thing heavy-duty enough for the bleeding- awful.

My physical experience was not so bad. The empty sac was only measuring 5-6 weeks when I had a scan at 11 weeks (after some light bleeding) and a few days after I found out my body kicked into gear and I passed it out. It wasn't so bad- just a few hours of hard-core period pain and then it was over. But when I went in to have another scan it turned out that there was still tissue in there- pretty devastating after going through most of the miscarriage already at home!

I was frightened about the prospect of an operation having never stayed in hospital or had an operation but option 2 was not offered to me. For me, the prospect of continuing to bleed for days or weeks more was something I couldn't cope with. The emotional grief was tied up with my physical symptoms and I felt like I would be able to start moving on once the bleeding had gone.

So I went for an ERPC. The hardest things were dealing with the emotions and the undignity of it. Apart from that it all went fine. Physically I had no pain before or after the operations and they dosed me up with anti-sickness medication too so the anesthetic wouldn't make me feel sick. I felt tired for a couple of days after but it was straight forward and they really do look after you and are very kind.

My choice was made by the fact that I wanted closure and to be able to draw a line under the episode (the physical part of it at least).

Whichever choice you make it will be rubbish and sad- I'm so sorry!

[Hevava]

Oh and I forgot to mention, I am now pregnant again! Just 10 weeks but it seems to be going ok. It took 3 or 4 months before we were ready to try again but we got there in the end!

[StarsInTheNightSky]

Oh no, I am so, so sorry Tigerstar . Really hope you're holding up as well as possible xx.

I've had option two, the tablets and I would never, ever choose that option again. I have a very high pain threshold but the pain was absolutely agonising, so much so that I kept passing out. By far the worst bit though was that you see everything that comes out and I found that extremely traumatic. I was in agony for several weeks afterwards too. That being said, the hospital really botched it for me, and a lot of the pain afterwards was due to me not being given antibiotics and getting very badly infected.
Also, with option two, if not everything comes out, you have to have option three anyway, so I personally would just go for option three straight away.

I would never go for option one as personally I found it too distressing to wait.

Hope that helps and again, I am so sorry you find yourself in this position.
My next period came 28 days later to the day, and the next one 28 days after that, and we conceived on the second cycle, now nearly 29 weeks pregnant. It is a really hideous thing togo through, but usually it is just really awful luck and is usually just a tragic one-off.

Sending unmumsnetty hugs xxx.

[Stockhausen]

I've opted for medical managements on both occasions, reasons for me...

I felt it would give me closure & a sense that my body was dealing with it.

I was terrified of general anaesthetic.

[Stockhausen]

Should add that 2nd time round, I had a period 6wks after the medical management, then got pregnant with my now 6yr old

[Stockhausen]

Sorry, phone! The big advantage to me of the medical management wad knowing when it would happen & that it would all come away, lowering risk of complications or infections etc.

[Halfpastthelegofmyshirt]

I had a mmc at 10 weeks. I opted for the tablets. It did hurt and it was traumatic seeing the pregnancy sac but I was warned of a slight risk of damage to the uterus/other structures and of infection with the ERPC.

In the end I think the process helped me recover as I knew it was all over, I had seen it with my own eyes. I was worried it wouldn't seem real with the ERPC.

My hospital were brilliant, I had a side room on the EPU and the staff were very discreet and kind.

I think in the end it comes down to personal preference. Hugs to you though, it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I went on to have a baby just under a year later in the same hospital, I hope things work out similarly for you.

[Tigerstar123]

Thank you everyone for your help and kind words. :-)
Good to know too that mc hasn't stopped further conception. That will put my husband's mind at rest.

I'm scared of having an op- but it sounds like it is the quickest/neatest way.

With the tablets- do nurses have to check what you're passing to make sure it's all gone? I'm queasy with all things blood so not sure if that now is sounding like a viable option.

How long was it after both procedures could you go back to work? I know that sickness in pg doesn't count towards sickness quota,but does mc come still under pg sick leave? It sounds reasonable that it would, but not sure. We have tight sick quotas (even though im never off sick) and scared of being 'performanced managed'.

Again, thank you all for your support :-) xxx

[StarsInTheNightSky]

I should have said in my post that DH and I got sent home after being given the tablets to deal with it by ourselves as apparently no beds at the hospital. They refused to give me any painkillers either.

It was terrifying, and I was further along than they thought (was actually 19 weeks not 14) so in our case it wasn't the sac which came out, it was our son (who had passed away a few days previously), placenta et al, which was extremely traumatic after being told we'd just see blood and little bits of tissue/clots.

I think what we experienced was probably not what medical management (the tablets) is normally like. We have since switched hospitals and received a formal apology from the other hospital.

[NewJobNewLife]

I went for option 2. Took the tablets on a Tuesday lunchtime and the bleeding ramped up on Wednesday morning. I bled about the same as a heavy period, with some clots, for about 5 days, with quite heavy period-type pains. I then bled quite lightly for a week and a half or so with no pain at all.

The hospital gave me co-codamol for the pain and it was bearable. I didn't want to wait and see as I worried it would start heavily somewhere away from home. I also didn't want to have a general anesthetic if I didn't have to.

The tablets option worked for me. I hope I never have to go through MC again, but if I miscarry before 12 weeks again, I would choose the tablets again.

I am so sorry for your loss. There is nothing I can say to make it feel any easier, but please be kind to yourself. If you need to wallow in bed for a few days then take some time off work and do so. If you need to jam a hundred activities in to the next week to distract yourself, then that's good too. Do whatever you think will help you through this.

Take care of yourself.

[MyNameIsWinkly]

Fuck stars, that's horrific :(

TigerStar because the ERPC is such a quick op, they didn't use a lot of GA, and unlike when I had my gallbladder out I was absolutely fine afterwards. No sickness, no real pain, I walked out of the hospital and other than being tired I feel like (physically) I could have gone back to work after a day or so.

[LondonJen]

So sorry for your loss. I had an mmc last year but the 'missed' was based on hormone levels, as otherwise it seemed a natural mc. For that reason I can't help with your query I'm afraid but I just wanted to add in case you weren't aware their is a miscarriage board www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage where you will probably find a lot more information from other peoples posts and people in the same boat who can give you support. I found it a big help.

[Hevava]

My leave after the miscarriage was recorded as compassionate leave rather than sick leave.

How supportive are your work?

[StarsInTheNightSky]

Tigerstar, we were actually told by a consultant that there is quite a bit of evidence to suggest that you are more fertile in the three months after a loss, she called it nature's way of making up for being so cruel.

In our case we had to check ourselves to make sure everything was coming out, we shouldn't have had to though, I think normally you pass things into a bed pan and the midwives check what's coming out.

If you're squeamish, I wouldn't recommend the tablets, as I said, I think what I experienced was unusual, but there is a lot of blood, gore etc, I have a very strong stomach and am not at all bothered by blood usually, but the emotional trauma of it makes it much harder to deal with, so don't make the mistake like I did of underestimating it.

With my work it counted as pregnancy related sickness and later bereavement leave, I had a month off, but a lot of that was due to the fact it was so badly botched and traumatised me so much. I needed about three weeks off for the physical stuff, and a week after the bleeding had stopped just to get my mind around it all.

[StarsInTheNightSky]

MyNameIsWinkly thank you, it was horrendous (and was my main reason for requesting and being granted and ELCS this time), not that it's ever going to be a good experience, but as I said, I think the fact it was so badly botched made it an exception.

[Bambamb]

I've had 2 mc's. The first happened naturally at 12 weeks just before my scan so I was never given any options, it just happened on its own.
The second I chose option 1. This was because I'd already been through it before and knew what to expect and I didn't fancy the risks of surgery or side effects of the drugs. It happened quite quickly on its own again for me so I was lucky.

So sorry to hear you are going through this. There is no right choice, everyone is different, you just have to do what you feel is best. I felt at least giving myself the chance of it happening naturally was worth a try, you can always opt for one of the other choices later on if it doesn't happen on its own.

[Forester]

I'm sorry this has happened to you

I've had two MMC's and both times chose the surgical route. For me I just wanted the physical side of things to be over. But it's a very personal decision.

If you visit the miscarriage forum there are a number of threads that talk more about exactly what to expect from each option which you may find helpful.

[Bambamb]

Sorry, just read your posts and if you are very squeamish maybe option 1 wouldn't be the best choice. I found the amounts of blood & tissue quite shocking.
For me it was a bit cathartic, gave me 'closure' in a way. And I wanted to feel the pain too for similar strange reasons.

Stars, what a horrendous thing to go through, that must have been truly awful :(

OP, sorry again, it really is a horrible thing. But like others, I also did have a successful pregnancy afterwards and now have a beautiful 16 week old DD. I believe most people who want to do go on to have a successful pregnancy so try to hold on to that. I also conceived immediately afterwards too. xx