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pregnant and sad

(8 Posts)
Katiebro Wed 12-Mar-14 21:28:02

I don't know if anyone can advise me or give me words of wisdom. IM 19 weeks pregnant..unexpected baby as was told i couldn't have any without help. I was with my partner for over 2 years when i found out and we planned to get married this year. He disappeared though when i found out i was pregnant. I don't know where he is. He chucked his job in and all sorts and has blocked my number so i cant contact him. All i want to do is cry. I thought maybe he was just freaking out and would be back by now but clearly isn't. I will be giving birth alone and it should be a happy time. I feel like im struggling to hold it together at work too. I just don't know how to get through this. Can anyone offer any advice or been through something similar and tell me how they got through? Thanks in advance. Katie x

misspoirot Wed 12-Mar-14 21:41:41

That sounds awful, do you have family or friends nearby to support you?

There are some great support groups out there. Have you thought about seeing if there are any local antenatel groups where you can make friends before and after your baby is born?

I hope things get better for you, x

frannie2013 Wed 12-Mar-14 21:45:47

Hi. That sounds terrible. clearly you are amazing strong though - well done. I know this might be difficult to hear but perhaps you are better finding out his true colours now and you can begin to think about and plan for a life with you and your baby and supportive people around you? several of my friends have are single mums and whilst it is really tough, it can be equally rewarding and has turned out all good in the end.
there is help out there too. hopefully others on here will be able to give specific examples of where. good luck.

Boogles91 Wed 12-Mar-14 22:06:24

I send you lotsa hugs and deepest sympathys chuck. Never been in this situation myself so can only imagine what you are going through atm. Do you have any family or anybody close to you as support? Well, just how much of a man is he....not much in fact little boy sums him up! To leave without a trace or explanation is very selfish and childish. And in my opinion he really carnt care that much about you if he has done this, if he really loved you he wouldnt have found it so easy to just dissapear. I kniw how hard it must be for you and i bet your feeling like being non have a job wich is good, ask your doc to put you on the sick for a week or so, this will give you time to breathe and think about yourself and little one growing inside. Try not to dwell on the facts of what shouldve/couldve been, hes left it to long to just swanny back into you life. Have a good cry and let it all out, you will feel better if you keep things bottled up its not gonna do your stress levels any good, for you or baby. I know youve probably heard this but try to focus on what the next few months are going to hold, like when you say it should be a happy time the birth, it still can be. And all the shopping your gonna get to do for him/her. I know it must be scary kniwing your alone now, and when you have these moments try to replace your sad thoughts with things like i wonder what my little one will sound like or look like and things like that. Hes not worth your heartache over and you will realise that in the future. I was in a very alone and dark place myself for years due to a past relationship but one day i found my strengths, i looked at the bigger picture and realised i didnt need him and his self pitty every day and night. It took every bit of strength i had left in me though but i still made it smile 2yrs down the line and my lifes how it always souldve been. You really need to see your doc though chuck as he/she will get you someone to talk to if you need it. I do think you need a small break from work as thats not helping you atm, you dont have any time for yourself to think let alone breath. If you feel worthless and down, take a look in the mirror and say to yourself im a good person and i. Going to give my baby the best life possible. Or put so,e chilled out music on and light some candles and let your mind drift into a nice sunny beach. If that so called man ever returns one day, just tell him you need answers before he even thinks about seeing little one ir anything. And if he thinks he can just swoop back into your life, expecting it to be roses let him know how much hurt he left, but in a calm manner as shouting and screaming gets you knowhere and he sounds like he will be to scared to come back. Noone likes to be alone but think to yourself your not, your growing a new life inside you, who will become you bestfriend one day smile wish could give yo a proper hug lol please try to keep your chin up xx

Katiebro Wed 12-Mar-14 22:39:49

I come from a teeny family so there's not really anyone. My group of friends are all married or engaged or having babies but with someone who cares about them so in the only alone sad one. I am sure nearer the time of the birth i will be given some info about local groups where i can go with with baby to meet people but then in sure they will all have someone who loves them and again i will be the odd one. I feel embarrassed to say iv been left. I don't know why. Hes been gon for a long time missed all the medical appts and that was bad enough sitting in waiting room with lots of loved up couples waiting to see their baby together and i was alone. Its such a bittersweet time because this is a baby i didn't think i wud have and already i love them so much and because of that i feel guilty when i cry. IM scared hes going to turn up because i don't know how id react or what to do. I never want baby to go through this if he left them that's for sure x but then could i play god and not let him see them. I don't know what to think x

sofpp83 Fri 14-Mar-14 08:33:52

katiebro, I felt I had to comment on this. I was in a similar situation at 20 weeks. I'm now 33 weeks. Although the father and myself were only together a short while before I conceived we had know each other years. When I decided to keep my baby he cut me off dead and I too felt lost. It made me so worried and stressed that I ended up going off sick from work. Every day I would hope and wish that he would come round and be a part of her life but he wouldn't answer my messages. This just added stress to an already stressful pregnancy.
After convincing myself that my baby needed him I continued to try and get him to talk to me. Eventually he replied and we met a couple of weeks ago to talk. I'll be honest, I thought this was what I wanted. turns out that now, I couldn't give a stuff. His lack of interest and commitment has made me resent him. It is apparent he isn't overly Keen on having a major part in her life and there is a big part of me which wishes I hadn't persisted in him having contact. The further I go in pregnancy the more I love and want to defend my child from hurt. I will never stop him from seeing her but realised eventually that having him there isn't the be all and end all. I hope that in time you can forgive him for what he has put you through and be content with the knowledge it is just the two of you. For all the money in the World I wouldn't want to have the happy family life with the 3 of us as he has showed me how little I and his child mean to him. I don't need or want to be with someone selfish like that. I understand what you said about seeing these happy couples, excited about their future family lives together. I've had the awkward questions and felt embarrassed about replying saying that I'm single etc. I spent months crying and bitter and angry and sad. Now I couldn't care less. As hard as it is now I believe you'll feel differently in the future.
I wish you all the luck and happiness with your baby and your future. Talking helps smile

Katiebro Sun 16-Mar-14 13:28:24

It just makes me sad i am to look back at this pregnancy and think that was a really s* time! Its nice to hear other peoples stories l, i feel less of a freak. I know iv got strength in me i just have to tap into it somehow but then i have come this far so i cant be doing too bad. Aren't men horrible. So many like it x

fourlegstwolegs Sun 16-Mar-14 20:30:07

This happened to me - my partner left when I was three months. He then came back a month later but it was bloody hard in that time. I was devastated for myself and for the baby. You just have to take one day at at time.

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