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Friend's wedding one week before due date

(24 Posts)
Fluffybastardcloudkittens Wed 12-Mar-14 09:08:40

I'd love to go but this is my first child, am I being ridiculous?
The wedding is about 2 and a half hours from my home but only 25 minutes from my parents'.

sanityawol Wed 12-Mar-14 09:34:54

It's entirely down to how you feel at the time. Can you 'provisionally' accept the invitation, explaining that how you feel on the day may mean you can't go.

Speak to your midwife - baby could be early, or two weeks late like both of mine. Would you be happy to give birth near your parents rather than at home? Remember that you may have to do a 2.5 hour journey home with a newborn whilst you are bleeding and leaking milk. What if you have a c-section? I haven't had one, but I imagine the journey home might not be comfortable.

If you go, take your notes, your hospital bag, car seat and everything you need for a newborn for the first week or so.

Just remember to do what is right for you and the baby, and sod anyone else's expectations about what you should do.

petalsandstars Wed 12-Mar-14 09:40:46

I could have with my first although I didn't want to be that far away from home at that point but no way with my second due to spd making me virtually housebound and unable to walk without immense pain.

Impossible to make the decision to go until closer to the time I think.

DomesticGoddess31 Wed 12-Mar-14 09:41:20

Well it depends really in how your pregnancy goes, how you will be feeling etc. You might be feeling fine or you might be feeling like me. Are you invited to the wedding breakfast or just ceremony? Evening do? I would make sure your friend knows there's a strong possibility you will be a last minute cancellation. Guests at my wedding breakfast cost us £100 a head so we werent overly impressed with the people that cancelled on us last minute (not pregnancy related). Maybe you could just plan to go to the ceremony and drinks reception? Chances are you'd be too tired/uncomfortable to enjoy a whole evening do IMO.

MaryWestmacott Wed 12-Mar-14 09:43:06

Would yoube happy to give birth in the local hospital? Then if you feel ok, go - as others have said, take everything (definately including the car seat!).

Writerwannabe83 Wed 12-Mar-14 09:43:40

Me and DH have the same predicament except it is his best friend's wedding - but obviously I know the couple really well. My DH is Best Man.

The Wedding is at a local church but the Meal and Reception is at a Venue almost 1.5hrs away. I'm high risk pregnancy so wasn't prepared to be that far away from my local hospital so close to my due date.

I said I would attend the actual wedding if I felt up to it but wouldn't be attending the rest of the day. They were absolutely fine with it.

Twitterqueen Wed 12-Mar-14 09:47:49

I went to my friend's wedding at 11.30 am with no symptoms at all but 1 week overdue .....

And had had my DD2 by 4.25pm. It was a bit hairy! I rang the wedding party and everyone was thrilled.

But the registry office was only 100 yards from my house and the hospital 40 mins drive.

I would suggest committing only to the ceremony. I'm sure they could always fit you in at late notice if you felt well enough the day before. Better that than cancelling at last minute as DomesticGoddess says

EugenesAxe Wed 12-Mar-14 09:56:20

I'd accept but warn your friend there will be a certain amount of seeing how you feel once the time comes; I think suggestions about going to ceremony/ drinks reception only are good ones (unless your mate is fine with possible cancellations).

Like everyone has said, you may be suffering physically and you might be fine - it's really hard to know! And to be honest, if you have SPD or other issue you will know in time to pull out of the meal without it costing too much - my caterers got in the fresh stuff a few days / week or so prior. That only leaves cancellation due to labour, and although it happens, it's not mega common for first babies to be early.

MissSlackPants84 Wed 12-Mar-14 09:58:36

My best mate gets married 2 weeks before my due date and anothet close mate has his uk reception on my due date. Ive accepted both invites but have made it clear I may have to cancel at short notice. Both events are an hours travelling by car away from my hospital

Fluffybastardcloudkittens Wed 12-Mar-14 11:02:22

Hmm, I will have to see how I feel. I will be seeing my midwife 3 days before the wedding so I'll ask her advice.
I rsvp'd yes but my friend knows the score, she thinks I'll have had the baby by then.
I'm not sure that she'll have factored me into the table plan/catering or not. She hasn't indicated either way or that it's causing her any distress but I don't think I would be so chilled if the roles were reversed.
Having my baby in a different hospital doesn't worry me so much but having to pack a weeks worth of newborn supplies does! But I suppose there are always shops!

sanityawol Wed 12-Mar-14 11:17:47

Good idea - when I said a weeks worth of stuff, they need surprisingly little... nappies, some baby gros and vests, cotton wool or wipes, somewhere for them to sleep (moses basket or carry cot) and a way of feeding them, car seat. You don't need a baby bath and stuff like that.

Oh, and maternity towels and breast pads for you.

They're fairly portable when they're very small... it's when you try and leave a house with a toddler and they NEED to take 15 toy cars and a ride-on police car hmm that you have to cart round loads of stuff. grin

ShadowFall Wed 12-Mar-14 11:21:34

A lot depends on how the pregnancy goes and how you're feeling.

If you do decide to go, you need to make sure that your friend knows that you may have to cancel at the last minute - even if baby is early, you may be unable or unwilling to travel, depending on how the birth and first few days go.

And you need to be prepared for the possibility of going into labour at the wedding (so find out where the nearest maternity ward is and take along pregnancy notes, hospital bag and car seat).

BaileysOnRocks Wed 12-Mar-14 11:29:22

I was bridesmaid a week after I gave birth. Leading up to the wedding we didn't know if i would still be pregnant or have had baby.
In hindsight I could have coped being pregnant but post birth was awful, I was in so much pain etc.
I would just play it by ear and try and make the ceremony smile

RaRa1988 Wed 12-Mar-14 17:44:41

I've got my cousin's wedding five days before my due date and an exam two days before. I'm planning on doing both, and I'm counting on DD being late! But , crucially, both are very local - I wouldn't want to give birth anywhere other than the hospital I'm booked into. I'd consult your midwife nearer the time if you can and see if there are any indications that you'd go into labour early - though obviously they can't give you any guarantees either way.

BuntyCollocks Wed 12-Mar-14 19:42:32

I went to one of my best friend's wedding 6 days before my due date with dc2. 250 miles away. In London. 3 days before Christmas. It was fab.

RandomMess Wed 12-Mar-14 19:44:57

I went shopping for the day 2 hours away to meet up with friends I had my three 3 dc withe me and was at least a week overdue. Packed my tens machine and notes just in case!

Scotinoz Wed 12-Mar-14 19:51:32

If you feel up to it, go. I went to a wedding a couple of weeks before, and my work Christmas dinner the weekend before. Oh, and I flew back to the UK for a wedding at 26 weeks.

You get away sitting down a lot, and wearing comfy shoes.

Just pack a bag and take your notes. It's all common sense really.

PenguinsEatSpinach Wed 12-Mar-14 21:53:07

If you feel up to it, by all means go. I went to a wedding 2.5 hours away at 38 weeks. Turns out it was three weeks before I had the baby. I had my notes and a basic hospital bag, plus a car seat, just in case.

allduffedup Wed 12-Mar-14 23:16:02

I have the same predicament - my friend's wedding is 5 days before my due date and it is 3 hours drive away. Originally I was supposed to be bridesmaid, but have pulled out of that. Now I am still planning to go, and have booked a hotel right next to the venue so I have somewhere to rest. However, I have warned my friend that it is possible we will have to pull out at the last minute.

Roseandmabelshouse Wed 12-Mar-14 23:19:11

I would go and enjoy the day. Make the most of being baby free.

Fluffybastardcloudkittens Wed 12-Mar-14 23:50:59

I am enjoying responses that say to go! But I'll have to wait and see close to the time.
I'll have a chat with my friend about just staying for the ceremony and maybe popping back for speeches or a bit in the evening or something so that she can plan tables/catering. I'm lucky because it's so close to my mum and dads where dh and I are very comfortable.
At the moment I think if I didn't go and then felt fine on the day and didn't go into labour I'd be really upset to have missed it for nothing.

PenguinsEatSpinach Thu 13-Mar-14 09:16:41

IME people are very good about being as flexible as their circumstances allow for late pregnancy. Most people appreciate that you might have to cancel last minute. Our friends just said that it was absolutely fine and that, if we needed to cancel last minute, they'd shuffle the table to remove our places no problem. It can be quite a long day though, so if you want to plan for a rest part way through, missing the meal might be a good option. I think I went for about an hour's lie down early evening as we were staying at the venue, which was nice and kept me going through the disco!

thebestnameshavegone Thu 13-Mar-14 11:57:41

a friend of mine was in a similar position for my wedding. it was 2 weeks before her due date and I told her I was more than happy for her to play it by ear. the wedding took place where we grew up, she now lives in London and attending meant a 4 hour drive. but she was happy to try, mainly because she could stay with her parents and was happy with the facilities at the local hospital.

as it was, she phoned me the night before the wedding, really upset and apologetic because she'd had a show and didn't think she should come. it was totally fine, I knew when I set the date that she might cancel last minute and I was prepared for it and happy to absorb the cost.

her mum came to the church to see us married and then went down to London to look after my friend's ds1. and her ds2 was born roughly about the time I was drunkenly dancing to Frank Sinatra with my dh!

WelliesandPyjamas Thu 13-Mar-14 12:05:42

Play it by ear closer to the due date. There's no right or wrong answer. Lots of people will tell you their experiences (me too ha ha - 4 hour trip to a wedding a week before due date in a tent on top of a hill in a heat wave shudder but would have been gutted to miss seeing my friends get married so off we went notes and all) ...only you and your midwife will know whether it's ok at the time. Good luck smile

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