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Some perspective needed

12 replies

bunkygirl · 12/03/2014 08:44

I'm 33 wks with 2nd DC. DS is nearly 3. Dp football fan and wants to go to important football game, at wembley, when I will be 38 wks. Wembley is at least 3 hours away from home. I had PE with first and was induced but not until 39 wks. All ok so far this time but got consultant appt at 36 wks. Dp wants to get a ticket so he has the option but says he obviously won't go if any signs of labour, I'm too knackered etc. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable to not want him to do this. I feel that if he gets a ticket the presumption is that he'll go unless anything happens which makes me really anxious. To add to complications the ILs are also away that day so although my parents are close, they will have to have DS and support me between them if I went in to labour until DP could get back. I don't have the easiest relationship with my mum and she's not in the best of health in terms of looking after DS without my dad so not a brilliant option although would probably be fine for a few hours. I know it's very unlikely I'll go into labour and I understand it's an important game, it just makes me feel really anxious thinking about it. If I tell him I really don't want him to go then he won't but don't feel that i want to do this as don't thInk that's healthy in a relationship and kind of want him to decide not to go for himself. Just interested in other people's opinions.

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Possiblyorange · 12/03/2014 08:50

I've never had complications, but I would be inclined to let him book the ticket on the understanding that you fully expect him not to go if you are feeling anything less than 100%.

Realistically if you go into labour there's a reasonably slim chance you'll be so rushed that 3 hours won't be enough time to get home, and if you end up needing to be induced you'll have some warning of that too.

FWIW I had no problems with DH being 2-3 hours away until I was well overdue, but I somehow always 'knew' I would go a good week over my date, so never stressed about it.

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flymo79 · 12/03/2014 08:51

I totally understand where you are coming from. I am only 20w but already feel annoyed that DP is thinking about booking things in the summer and the chance that he might not be around at a vital juncture. I think it stems from feeling as though we're in this together, and if the shoe was on the other foot and he was carrying the baby I would check absolutely everything with him first. And not just to have him tell me it's ok, but to feel as though I wasn't letting him down. I think you have a point about the fact that you don't want to have to tell him, you want him to make the decision for himself, but if he's anything like my DP he will take your silence as assent. I would let him know you are anxious, as much about the practicalities as anything, and see if there's a chance he will not go, not because you've made him but because he wants to be there for you and wants for you not to spend the whole time being anxious. Then see if there's something you can do together, ok it won't be "the important match" but something really fun that will take his mind off it and make him feel pleased that you spent the time together...?

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Jess03 · 12/03/2014 08:59

I can see why you're anxious but tbh i'd let him go while making it clear this is a big favour and bank it for the things he's going to have to turn down to support you when the baby's here. You do have support, it's only 3 hrs usually I wouldn't say suck it up but you'll have to ask him to forgo a lot in the first year so I'd point that out to him.

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dreamingbohemian · 12/03/2014 09:09

I don't think he should go. And my team is in the semis as well so I know it's a big deal. But 3 hours is too far I think.

I think it's reasonable to tell him: I don't want to tell you not to go, but given the lack of other support that day, I will be very unhappy if you do go, unless everything that day is 100% fine. Not just there's no major problem, I'm already in labour, but 100% fine.

If you can trust him not to go if you ask on the day, and he can trust you not to ask unless you need him, then it can all work out fine with getting a ticket just in case. But if there is any doubt in that scenario, don't do it.

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dreamingbohemian · 12/03/2014 09:11

I'd also just say there's a big difference between telling him not to go, and asking him not to go. There is never any harm in asking.

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Sillylass79 · 12/03/2014 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bunkygirl · 12/03/2014 09:30

Thanks for all the replies. It's interesting that there's a mix of opinions as backs up my own mixed feelings about it. I can definitely trust him not to go on the day if there's any doubt and he's going to drive on his own so no one else to consider. We'll discuss it again tonight but definitely helpful to have more views so thanks again.

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alita7 · 12/03/2014 09:54

You're a very understanding person
... I'd be livid at DP if he planned something like that in the 2 weeks before and after I'm due - but then my circumstances are different. He quite simply shouldn't doit - even if you feel 200% that morning, labour can come on QUICKLY!

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Writerwannabe83 · 12/03/2014 09:54

At 38 weeks I wouldn't stop my DH, I don't think I would at any stage actually, but I'm very laid back about that sort of thing.

Tell him you'd be anxious if he went and let him make his decision - but really lay it on thick that if he misses the birth you'll never forgive him

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ZingSweetMango · 12/03/2014 10:00

I'd prefer him not to go tbh.

DH didn't go to a stag do when I was 36 weeks pg with DS5.
I didn't make a fuss but he asked and I said I'd just rather he didn't stay away for a weekend, full stop.

This situation are so shit.
I would hate to stop him going to a match or whatever he deems important, but then being around in case something does happen is surely more important?

it's certainly a stressful part of late pg - not being able to plan, missing things because of "just in case" but then nothing happened.

I don't know what's best. try not to argue about it.
I do hope he will choose to not go.

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HowAboutNo · 12/03/2014 10:40

I wouldn't have a problem with saying no to that.

He'll get over it. I think you feeling relaxed about everything is far more important than him going to watch a football match.

I think pregnancy, especially when you feel a bit vulnerable and crap, is as good a time as any to be able to say no to something that makes you feel uncomfortable.