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I am so sick of size comments.

(23 Posts)
buffythebarbieslayer Tue 11-Mar-14 21:19:02

So the comments have started, you know the kind, about my size.

I'm an average sized lady carrying an almost full term baby (and I grow healthy sized babies, this is number 3). I don't know what hell size I'm supposed to be?

There seems to be internalised misogyny about the female form, that leads to insensitive comments and competitiveness. It's sad this has extended to pregnancy.

Approving oohs and aahs for tiny bumps and 'neatness' get on my nerves. Women come in all shapes and sizes. There should be no ideal. Whilst I know some women have smaller bumps because they are carrying smaller babies etc, I know of women who don't eat properly in pregnancy in order to fulfil this ridiculous ideal and slim back down straight after.

Well I don't want your fucking views projected onto me. I like my big bump and fertile form. I want to enjoy my food and I don't give a sod about being back in skinny jeans afterwards.

BluegrassLass Tue 11-Mar-14 21:23:33

Couldn't agree more! The goal is a healthy baby, not keeping slim and trim!

Twizzletoes Tue 11-Mar-14 21:23:41

Here here! I'm 15 weeks and people are making cruel comments about how much weight I've put on already. As someone who has suffered from an eating disorder in the past, it's breaking my heart. I say if this is what my body has to do to grow a baby, then so be it. People can just bugger off!!

2beornot Tue 11-Mar-14 21:39:17

Never noticed this before. Sure, people comment on your size when you're pregnant but I don't think they actually give a shit what size you are, just commenting for something to say I think.

As long as baby is getting all it needs and mum is healthy sod everyone else, I say!

Mummyk1982 Wed 12-Mar-14 09:37:40

I think it's often just for something to say, as PP said. They want to talk of your pregnancy and think a mindless comment is a good place to start. Apparently I'm one of those 'neat, all forwards' carriers, but then sometimes my 'face has got round', my 'thighs and calves are a tad bigger', and my boobs are 'massive'. It's just chit chat and possibly an element of jealousy that your body is doing the most beautiful thing in growing and housing a whole new human life- and theirs isn't right now :-) x

Kellyjdancer Wed 12-Mar-14 09:42:54

I admit I am guilty of having made comments prior to being pregnant myself. I said things with the best of intentions thinking about what I would want to hear. Things like, "You are so neat and tiny. When I'm pregnant, you'll know it by looking at me from every angle." I now know that some women are offended if you tell them they look small. If I've learned nothing else in pregnancy, it's to NEVER EVER EVER comment on a pregnant woman again.

My favourite is, "You're looking healthy." That one makes me want to throw punches.

DomesticGoddess31 Wed 12-Mar-14 09:45:04

I think most people are just genuinely interested in the wonder of pregnancy and don't always know quite what to say. I wouldn't take any comments personally although I could have happily punched the woman at work who told me my legs were getting fat

Writerwannabe83 Wed 12-Mar-14 09:48:56

I'm 37+6 and carrying a big baby.

Prior to pregnancy I was very slim, size 8/10 BMI of 19.
So far I have put on just under 3 stone.

I've been told by some people that I've got a gorgeous, neat and tidy bump.

I also have had people calling me fatty and tubby each time they saw me.

Some people tell me I still look really tiny.

Yesterday my DH told me I'm huge.

I don't think anyone knows what a term pregnant woman is supposed to look like so just say the first thing that comes into their head grin

I absolutely LOVE my pregnant form - I love looking at myself in the mirror. Pregnant women look amazing in my eyes!!! People can say what they want, I feel happy within myself so I let all comments go over my head smile

Evie2014 Wed 12-Mar-14 09:52:23

At least I actually AM carrying twins, so any comments regarding how big I am are responded to with: "Well, there are two in there." That makes people go "aaah…" wisely, as if it made any difference. (When actually size really doesn't matter- two of my friends who are having single babies were bigger than me at the same gestation.)

People really don't know what to say so they say stupid things. It also depends on what you're wearing, which makes it all the stupider. In the space of 24 hours I got, "My GOD you're getting BIG!" and "Gosh you're really neat." Just cause I swapped trackie bottoms for leggings.

MoominIsWaitingToMeetHerMiniMe Wed 12-Mar-14 10:04:16

Having a small bump changes nothing! I'm measuring spot on for dates but the way I'm carrying makes me look like most people did at around 25 weeks, whereas I'm now 33 weeks.

All I get is "You're going to go overdue", "are you sure the dates are right?", "it looks like a fake bump, it's too small", "is the baby healthy because the bump is so small!".

I prefer "compact and bijou" over "small" or "tidy" but I'd love to have a big bump!

Thankfully OH only mentions the baby inside the bump rather than the bump itself or I'd probably kill him

squizita Wed 12-Mar-14 10:10:01

It's starting pre bump with me. I had "you're not showing yet and look like shit... you aught to be... is there a problem???"

I have a history of MC, so obviously I was totally shock and panic called the MW.

No, apparently only half of women show at this stage.

People just do not think.

Bet they'll carry on throughout.

Oh, and a friend of mine got ACCUSED of dieting whilst pregnant to keep her bump small by a self rightious woo woman, because friend looks a bit 'posh fashion' and was small. Actually, she has lifelong colitus and needed constant care and was working hard to keep food in!! angry So even 'right on' comments can hurt if they're said in ignorance.

dats Wed 12-Mar-14 10:11:53

People are just so fucking rude and thoughtless. A lot of the time, I think they just feel compelled to say 'something', so they just open their gobs and comment on whatever they perceive is in front of them.

I am getting the opposite, in terms of size - I'm 5'9" and this is my first baby and all I am getting is 'oh really? That soon? You're nice and small' when asked about my due date. They think it's a compliment, I assume - something I deserve to be congratulated on? Well done body!

I think: a) you haven't seen me naked and b) are you saying my baby might not be big enough/something's wrong?

I was aware of this kind of thing before I was even pregnant, so if I do feel the need to comment on someone's gestational condition, it's usually 'You look great! How are you feeling?' - which I am more than happy for folk to say to me.

NurseyWursey Wed 12-Mar-14 10:15:25

Oh for god's sake, 'internalised misogyny'? really? People see sexism in everything don't they.

People comment on what they see, half of the time when it's a bump it's to initiate conversation.

If someone has a big bump I'll probably say 'wow what a lovely big bump', or a small bump 'wow what a lovely little bump' and ask them how their pregnancy is going.

I have actually never heard of there being an ideal, not even when I was a midwifery student (before nursing) people just seemed in wonder at bumps of all shapes and sizes.

Cariad007 Wed 12-Mar-14 10:37:37

Why not just say "wow, you're looking well" and leave comments about size out of it?

Tea1Sugar Wed 12-Mar-14 10:43:20

I'm 34+1 measuring spot on for dates, currently weigh 10st 10lbs having already put on 2st 5lbs and I hate having a belly and constantly criticise myself. But when I hear it from someone else I want to punch :D

feellikeadairycow Wed 12-Mar-14 11:43:24

Same 36+5 with my first and measuring a week over throughout my pregnancy
The amount of "your huge" and similar comments are starting to be hurtful as I'm on the large side anyway also getting lots of comments on the size of my boobs . . . didn't realize so many strangers took notice of my bra size? hmm

Have started replying with (depending on my mood)
Yeh you'd almost think i was pregnant or something
your rather rude
at least mine will be gone in X months looking pointedly at other person's podge
or my personal favorite
Pregnant? nah that's just really bad gas love

Its petty and childish but makes me feel better grin

Ilovebean Wed 12-Mar-14 11:44:18

I'm 23 weeks now, and have been inundated with comments like "You're so big already" "I'm sure you're having twins" "Are you sure there is only one in there, because that's quiet a big bump" It's enough to give someone a complex.

SweetPea86 Wed 12-Mar-14 11:48:58

Don't know what it is with pregnancy that makes people more so fellas in my case become so rude.

I'm a size 14,before preg and now about 16 wasn't even 16 weeks pregnant and this prick at work should your Alreet Fatty ( he is a geordie) so rude I wanted to cry. I didn't look pregnant untill 28 weeks so basically he wanted to call me fatty for ages.

I women who I work with who is much larger than me said to me god your massive now....hmmmm

Some times I think it's a nervous tick people just can't help them selves.

Easier said than done just try and ignore them

rideyourbike Wed 12-Mar-14 11:49:21

I have 6 year old twins and my bump is still talked about! It was legendary. I felt proud to be big out front and unable to see my feet for months! I also like to point out that I for my jeans back on when they were a week old smile

SweetPea86 Wed 12-Mar-14 11:49:30

Shouted not should lol

FetchezLaVache Wed 12-Mar-14 11:54:59

I found that "So are you, but I've been growing a baby in here for the last 8 months. What's your excuse?" was a useful rejoinder to those who felt compelled to observe that I was quite large.

Snowlet Wed 12-Mar-14 11:58:54

Not sure why one commenter above found that "You're looking healthy" made her want to punch someone. That's the one comment I quite enjoy, as I hope to be looking healthy!

I think saying "you're looking healthy/well/glowing" are completely fine, as they obviously have nothing to do with size. People are scared to say the wrong thing, but feel obliged to say something. Probably many of them kick themselves after saying things and wish they'd said something different. It's uncomfortable for everyone I think.

flymo79 Wed 12-Mar-14 16:59:13

agreed - just something to say. A woman at work today told me she'd "been watching me" and "thought it was just christmas pudding". I mean, really??? That's the best thing you could think to say?! that's basically "you don't look pregnant, you look fat". I mean even before I was pg I knew not so say things like that!!

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