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unsupportive dh

(14 Posts)
K8eee Sun 09-Mar-14 21:57:12

I'm 38 weeks pg, and am pretty scared about giving birth. dh is rubbish at being supportive and I know he'll feel like a spare part. I don't want anyone else other than him there when our baby is born but he's it sympathetic in the slightest normally, but could this change when the time comes? has anyone else had an unsupportive partner but then they've changed when the chips were down

BrianTheMole Sun 09-Mar-14 21:59:51

Yes. My dh was like this when I was pg with dc1. But at the birth and afterwards, he was ok, supported me, did his share of nappy changes etc.

K8eee Sun 09-Mar-14 22:06:34

The whole nappy change etc doesn't bother me but it's the labour that it does bother me with. I've just had a bit of a rant at him about it, getting teary and told him I'd be better off on my own and for him to wait in the car sad

Jakeyblueblue Sun 09-Mar-14 22:21:25

He might surprise you. I thought my Dh would be terrible so much so that I took my sister too but he was absolutely amazing. I had a very long labour and he never left my side. I saw a side in him I never knew existed so don't rule him out just yet smile

greentshirt Sun 09-Mar-14 22:27:09

What do you want him to do? Aside from just being there I dont know what other support my DH could offer, only you can get that baby out!

BrianTheMole Sun 09-Mar-14 22:48:16

They can't really do much anyway, apart from provide a hand for you to dig your fingernails into. Although, my dh knew I didn't want an epidural, and when they tried to strongly talk me into having one, dh stood up for me. As I wasn't really in a position to. I was surprised he did that really, I didn't think he'd been listening to me about my birth plan grin

GingerMaman Sun 09-Mar-14 23:22:18

I think you should make it very clear to him exactly what you want from him.

Tbh no one changes overnight. But you need to make your expectations very clear.

Mrsantithetic Sun 09-Mar-14 23:27:55

He may surprise you. My dp is quite anxious and useless really at a crisis but when it all kicked off he was amazing. And he didn't pass out during my emcs! wink

Angloamerican Sun 09-Mar-14 23:40:30

Hire a doula. It's the best money we've ever spent - DH was present but not hugely helpful in a practical sense . Doula was worth her weight in gold - and the presence of a doula has been shown to reduce the incidences of interventions leading to C-sections. Win-win!

Boogles91 Mon 10-Mar-14 01:28:03

Thats just it ladies men do listen lol try not to judge them they hardly talk about there feelings anyway as they dont want tobe kniwn as sissys lol there men and have to be strong for us smile

Spychic Mon 10-Mar-14 01:46:39

A supportive partner is worth their weight in good during labour. To those saying there's not much a husband can do, here's what mine did:

- kept me hydrated by offering water and Gatorade frequently
- told the midwives to turn off the flashlight they were using as he thought it was intrusive (I was beyond noticing at that point but very glad he felt empowered to do what he thought I would prefer)
- scooped poo out of the bath with a sieve
- filled up the bath with water just in time!
- helped me undress
- reminded me to breathe at a crucial moment, which helped me control the expulsion of the baby's head and avoid tearing
- kept quiet and didn't chitchat or allow anybody else to
- in early labour, did massage, rebozo,acupressure and applied the TENS machine sticky pads

And so much more... But he did loads of preparation beforehand and I told him what was important to me. Communication is key!

Hope he steps up and you have a fantastic labour and birth!

Spychic Mon 10-Mar-14 01:47:35

Those bullet points are from two births by the war. And good should read gold

Spychic Mon 10-Mar-14 01:47:54

Argh! Way not war!

ClutchingMyPearls Mon 10-Mar-14 07:51:21

I think sometimes partners don't know what to do and are awaiting instruction.

This is my 2nd, DH first I am now 37 weeks. I have had to spell out to him what I would like him to do during the home birth which has made him feel better. He is a very practical man and at first said " I will do whatever you ask when you are in labour".

I had to explain that I might not know my own mind during labour!

I have given him a list which he has stuck on fridge for during labour with the following on~

Offer me water/juice frequently
Offer me food
Use massage oil in box on my back if asked
Offer midwife refreshment
Heat towels when instructed
Ensure I stay as active as possible

.....etc etc. he seems much happier now he has an instruction manual to follow....lets see if it works! You could try this approach.

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