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I don't want this baby will i love it when it arrives?

(16 Posts)
Blarblarblar Sun 09-Mar-14 17:04:54

I'm sure I'll get crucified for this but here I go. I have a beautiful little boy nearly five. I found out I'm pregnant again last week and I'm gutted. I have only just started on a career path I love, my husband and I are only now recovering the romance and closeness again and I'm finally not broke. I've been crying for days I can't focus on anything and I just can't get my head around my new future. We have had a really hard three years and I can finally say I feel ok. I'm just not sure I can cope I'm not even sure I have any love left to give a new person.
Has anyone been in my position and how did they cope. Did you come round. Was it ok.

Clargo55 Sun 09-Mar-14 17:18:01

I hope nobody crucifies you. They would be wrong to judge.

How does your husband feel about everything?

I'm here to hand hold and listen. Sure some other helpful posters will be along shortly too.

HermioneWeasley Sun 09-Mar-14 17:19:29

If it isn't thT right time for you then you have options. And either look at one of you getting sterilised or more reliable contraception going forward

Blondebrunette1 Sun 09-Mar-14 17:20:11

I don't really know what to say except I hope you are ok and I honestly in my heart think the love you have for your little boy will tell you of course you will love them. Right now you are just pregnant and it's not planned, you haven't met them yet and you are only thinking on a practical level. How does your other half feel? Xxx

apermanentheadache Sun 09-Mar-14 17:21:13

You poor thing. No-one should crucify you.

I haven't been in your position but I would feel similar if I were to fall pregnant again ( for different reasons).
Have you made a decision to continue with the pregnancy? I hope it's not insensitivr to ask that.

Blarblarblar Sun 09-Mar-14 17:21:55

My husband always wanted more but after 3 miscarriages before my wee boy and one just after I didn't anymore heart break and I love having an only child feel honestly like I was made for just one. It's all the energy I have and I'm still a person.

Blarblarblar Sun 09-Mar-14 17:23:31

Couldn't face a termination just don't feel I could justify it to myself but I have thought of it.

heather1 Sun 09-Mar-14 17:32:21

I got pregnant within 2 weeks of being married. I wasn't surprised about being pg but I was surprised how devastated I was. To be preg iyswim. I was upset for about 3 months. Cried a lot, especially at night.
I loved my Ds when I was born.
I would say let yourself have these feelings. They don't make you a bad person, just a truthful one!
In calmer less emotional moments think of the positives things this new baby will bring to your family. A sibling for your Ds. Another person to give love to for you.
Just give yourself some time.

AcrossthePond55 Sun 09-Mar-14 18:17:53

No one has the right to judge any one else's feelings.

Have you discussed this with DH, openly and honestly? If not, you should. No one should have to have a child they truly don't want. And to assume that just because you love your wee boy you will naturally love another child is, IMHO, disingenuous. Of course, you may, but again you may not.

Perhaps some crisis counseling might help you? Perhaps, with your history of miscarriage, your subconscious is trying to 'protect you' from the pain of another loss. I'm not suggesting in any way that your feelings right now are not true. Just that you need some clarity and confidence in your feelings. Once you have that, you can make a decision as to whether or not you want to have another child and which course to take if you decide that you do not.

You have my best wishes and prayers/good thoughts.

AcrossthePond55 Sun 09-Mar-14 18:23:17

X-post with OP. There are other options besides a termination. I'm an adopted child whose mother was married (although not to my father). The possibility of adoption would allow you to continue the pregnancy knowing there was an 'out' if, after the birth, you truly feel that you do not want the child.

I realize that my wording may sound 'cold'. I just can't think of a better way to express it.

Blondebrunette1 Sun 09-Mar-14 18:52:19

Acrossthepond there is nothing disingenuous in saying that because you love one of your children you will love another. I wondered if I could love another as much as my first born I think that's natural to initially think that before the baby arrives. I respect your opinion but I can't comprehend how you could not love your baby if you love your other child, right now op doesn't have the baby so I completely understand her feelings.

YippeeKiYayMakkaPakka Sun 09-Mar-14 18:58:40

Any pregnancy can feel like a shock, even a planned one. If you've only just found out then you've got time to think about it and see how you feel in a few days (weeks even) once it's sunk in. Be kind to yourself, no judgement here thanks

ithoughtofitfirst Sun 09-Mar-14 19:24:20

Bless you.

Give yourself time to get used to the idea. It must be such a shock when it's unplanned i can't even imagine. There's no reason you won't bond with your baby even if it takes more time. I am really overwhelmed by my pregnancy and have really shocked myself with how i feel about it. Some days i'm over the moon and others i feel like i've made a massive mistake. These things take time to adjust to.

livingzuid Sun 09-Mar-14 19:31:14

You obviously have the capacity to love a lot smile look how devoted you are to your ds. The human capacity to love is unlimited imo.

So many of us are racked with questions and guilt whilst pg. I have struggled with this pg even though it is very much wanted so a bit different.

Just know that you will love this child and you're giving your ds such a present in a new sibling! Absolutely nothing wrong with being an only xhild, my dh is one, but having a brother or sister is also ace smile

You are also full of pg hormones too. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to think about things. thanks

Blarblarblar Mon 10-Mar-14 07:42:47

Thank you. Like all things I guess it will take time to sink in. I doubt I would be able to give it up for adoption couldn't live with wondering where it was etc.
I didn't love my ds straight away I had to get to know him, I did want him though.
Anyway thank you for the support and not judging me harshly.

slightlyinsane Mon 10-Mar-14 08:24:03

Hi sorry you're feeling this way but your not the first and won't be the last. After having 2dds I'd had enough, I thought they completed our family and I couldn't see how I could go through 2+ yrs of no sleep again. Then one day at work I realised my Af was 2 wks late and new I was pregnant. I spent at least 4 months crying and the rest in denial. I decided to find out what we were having at the 20wk scan to see if it would help me feel a bit better about the pregnancy. I suppose in a small way it did. It did all change the day I had him, I got that instant unconditional love feeling. Like you I never got that with my first, but it can happen with subsequent children. My 3 1/2 yr old surprise is currently running around annoying his sister's while they are supposed to be getting ready for school, it's been hard but I wouldn't change it for anything, currently pg with nos 4 &5.
Take some time to get your head around it no one is programmed to get used to a shock overnight, here if you need a chat x

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