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How do you deal with

(11 Posts)
Hobby2014 Sun 09-Mar-14 14:17:58

family members trying to take over / interfering / helping too much? Ok I know this isn't like the end of the world and there are worst things to whinge about but still.. Here goes..
Im pregnant with my first, and me and my husband are enjoying buying baby bits. My parents have offered to buy the pram, which is lovely, I've chosen it and they're paying for it. PIL have offered to buy the cot, so we've chosen the one we want but they haven't purchased it yet, no rush.
But PIL keep buying stuff, stuff that me and husband want to choose and buy. We're not struggling for money so are ok to buy it all, including pushchair and cot, but it's lovely that people have said they'll buy this. But we live in a tiny flat so don't have room for PIL to keep buying stuff that we don't like or want or need. And we actually want to go out and do some baby shopping for our baby.
We went out to look at sterilisers the other day and when PIL heard they were like you need to stop buying things because we want to buy things. And i said you have and are - the cot and they've bought swings. Bouncers, play gyms, walkers, quilts, bumpers, blankets etc and that's only what I've seen!
The only things husband and I have bought are clothes, bibs and a changing mat. That's it!
I don't want to keep sounding ungrateful but everytime I say no stop you've bought enough, no save your money, no we want to buy things they don't get the hint. Anyone have any family like this? How do you deal with? Am I just being ungrateful? Should I let PIL buy EVERYTHING for our baby even if we have no room for it, didn't necessarily want it and we want to buy our baby things?

ThedementedPenguin Sun 09-Mar-14 14:42:40

No please don't let them buy it as you will resent the item. It is lovely they want to buy do much but just tell them you've already chosen that item and they should return theres.

I say you'll resent it, because I really resent my baby bouncer chair. I had picked out the one I wanted, yes it was dear but it was going to be my babies treat as everything was second hand as we were low on cash. However, Dps godparents 'claimed' it and bought us a cheap asda one. It is nice but it wasn't mine. I used it regardless and will for this one but it's not what I want.

Buy the items you want and just ask his parents to return theres.

Hobby2014 Sun 09-Mar-14 18:32:49

Thank you. I'll keep saying no you're getting the cot, don't buy anything else, save your money for when baby needs things etc and then I think I'm going to buy most of what we want when we have our 20 week scan, which is in 9 days, then when they say oh we've bought this or we saw this I can just say no, we've got one thanks, you'll have to take yours back, check with us next time type thing, and hopefully they'll get the hint. It's awkward!

JoinTheDots Sun 09-Mar-14 18:35:50

Right, anything they buy can be for their house. So, when you visit, there will be a handy bouncy chair for the baby to sit in, and a play gym for them to sit under.

Every time you see something new in the house, say "Oh wow, you got an xxx, we already have one of those, you should keep that one at your house for when we come over" and smile sweetly. Good luck!

Hobby2014 Sun 09-Mar-14 18:44:00

Yes, that's a great idea! Then they can buy whatever they want and not clog up our flat and we can still buy the things we like for ours. Thanks!

MyNameIsKenAdams Sun 09-Mar-14 18:46:22

Yy to them keepong stuff at their house. Tbf id be sending the bumper, quilt and the walker back as they arent great for babies.

greentshirt Sun 09-Mar-14 18:52:48

We have the 'buy whatever you want as long as it lives in your house' rule too, im a bossy madam so I laid that one down quite quickly. It was frustrating when she started looking at cots for their house (baby wont be staying with MIL for probably 12 months at least) but just had to bite my lip and smile and nod, more fool her if it wont get used, its not worth an argument

Hobby2014 Sun 09-Mar-14 18:53:04

Yeah I don't want any of that for the cot, just a sleeping bag. I sort of wouldn't mind if they asked what sort of things we were thinking of buying but they just buy what they want, like it's their baby. Nothing of there's is at our flat, it's all at there's for storage, so I just won't bring any of it home smile

Hobby2014 Sun 09-Mar-14 18:54:24

Yeah she keeps mentioning a cot at hers too! She sent her kids off to their nan and grandads every weekend from babies til teenagers. That's not happening with ours. Even if she thinks it. No way!

MyNameIsKenAdams Sun 09-Mar-14 18:56:02

I panicked when Mil started buying stuff like a baby carseat from the carboot sale etc. In the end, if she ever had dd, id go and just put my car seat straight into her car with dd in and clipped it in, ignoring the one she got.

Hobby2014 Sun 09-Mar-14 19:12:53

I'm glad I'm not the only one that's had family like this, makes me feel better! X

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