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Nearly 7 weeks, wondering whether to tell...

(15 Posts)
rubyinthedust Sun 02-Mar-14 14:26:35

Looking for a bit of advice, I'm sure there have been countless threads about this before but I've looked in the last 4 pages and I couldn't find any.

I'm currently 6+5 and feeling ABSOLUTELY exhausted. The nausea is pretty bad too, although I've not actually been sick (yet?). I'm having to eat something every two hours to keep my blood sugar up. I've spent 95% of the weekend on my couch feeling unable to move. Napping just makes me feel worse - I feel horribly groggy when I wake up.

Thing is, I'm going back to work tomorrow and my job is pretty demanding physically (secondary school teacher!). I'm wondering if I should tell my bosses (head of department + headmistress) so that they'll understand if I'm leaving earlier than usual and generally looking awful. I'm normally on my feet all day and at school from 7:30 to 6:30 - no way this can carry on now!

At this point I've only told my husband and my parents (as I felt I'd want their support if I did miscarry), and I'm thinking that if I tell my bosses, we should probably tell my husband's parents too, as they're the type to get offended if they find things out later than everyone else. I know that it's very early days still and I've had my share of scares as it is, but I feel like it might help to tell people so I don't need to make excuses.

What would you do?

BonaDea Sun 02-Mar-14 14:50:35

I think it might be a good idea if you feel quite poorly.

I'm sure all will be well but if anything happened or you need some time off you'd probably want your boss to know anyway.

As for your PIL. I understand why telling your own parents feels different, but I think both sets of future grandparents should know.


OwlinaTree Sun 02-Mar-14 14:53:38

Your PIL wouldn't know you had told work though.

rubyinthedust Sun 02-Mar-14 15:01:02

OwlinaTree, yeah I know, they wouldn't actually know... it's just that as we know they like to find things out early, I'd feel bad telling my boss and not them. They are nice people but they'll definitely ask who already knows when we do tell them (not that we need to be 100% honest!).

BonaDea, thanks, I think you might be right. I'm trying to plan my lessons for tomorrow at the moment and it's going SO slowly. My productivity is definitely down!

squizita Sun 02-Mar-14 15:05:02

I am a HoD in a secondary- if you tell it has to be kept hush-hush and can be very helpful (e.g. if you feel v sick, dizzy, have several medical appointments in week etc' arrangements can be made around duties etc). I'm saying that both as a HoD who's been told and someone who told their line manager and HR manager and was glad I did.

It's a woman-heavy sector they won't bat an eyelid and I found it a weight off my mind.

squizita Sun 02-Mar-14 15:06:10

...and I think it's different to telling family/for 'emotion'. More like telling the GP and filling out that paperwork to get free prescriptions. "Official" stuff.

juneau Sun 02-Mar-14 15:15:49

Given your job, I think I would tell the HT or HoD, but ask them to keep it quiet. As long as they know, then you shouldn't get in trouble for slacking off or seeming listless. I really wouldn't broadcast it though as 7 weeks is very early and it's always safest to wait until after your 12-week scan. Your PIL? Its up to you. Our parents always knew from the get-go, but it's a very personal thing.

rubyinthedust Sun 02-Mar-14 15:30:42

Right guys, I think you've convinced me - I'll be telling work this week. As far as my PIL, I'll discuss it with my husband tonight and we'll see.

Thank you! thanks

HumTeach1012 Sun 02-Mar-14 16:36:23

Hey. I'm HOD at a secondary school and I'm 8+4 and haven't told my head teacher yet although think I'm going to have to soon. I'm having to snack after ever lesson to keep the nausea at bay. Our job is just so demanding and I too am struggling to do 12hr days and the work at home. If you do tell people they have to keep it confidential until you are ready, even then it is up to you who you tell amongst the staff. Congratulations xxx

porcito Sun 02-Mar-14 16:47:25

I'm a HOD and told my HT, couple of other people in the school as was feeling absolutely shocking and didn't want them to think I was just slacking! I also decided that if something went wrong, I would want their support anyway. Definitely has been much easier since telling people.

Lottiedoubtie Sun 02-Mar-14 16:59:10

Hi, I'm a little further along than you, and felt like you do at that stage.

I told my HoD first- well tbh he virtually guessed, we're a small dept and it was blooming obvious I wasn't well.

I struggled through to 8 weeks when I had to take some time off because the vomiting got too frequent to cope with (retching in lessons is NOT fun or appropriate). At this point I told the HT because I didn't want to lie to him about the reasons for my absence.

Since then I've been signed off with severe nausea and vomiting. Not great for anyone, least of all my poor exam classes.

That said school have amazed me by bending over backwards to be supportive, I couldn't have asked for more support.

rubyinthedust Sun 02-Mar-14 18:00:35

Wow, lots of teachers on here! smile

I had 6 weeks off in the autumn term due to my ectopic pregnancy and the complications I had from the surgery (hernia, abscess... fun times). My school was really supportive then, and I guess it won't be that much of a shock for them to know that I'm pregnant now, although they might be surprised at how fast it's happened again (I know I was!). Hopefully my symptoms won't get much worse and I'll at least be able to teach.

pickletalk14 Sun 02-Mar-14 18:28:35

I told my boss early ?6 weeks as I felt I wasn't on usual 'form'... I was working my hours but I would usually put in some overtime as I'm relatively senior, but I just couldn't manage it with the tiredness.

It was a huge weight off my mind at the time and really helped. She kept it to herself until I announced to the team @ 12 weeks. (Seems she was also keeping another pregnancy secret at the same time bless her.. not a peep!)

MummytoMog Sun 02-Mar-14 18:56:21

I told my boss (not a teacher or in a physically demanding job) because clearly something wasn't right with me - miserable, exhausted, nauseous, bloated, I feel so much better now she knows I'm not just a miserable lazy cow. With a bloating problem. She also helps me avoid Gin Friday.

Groovester Mon 03-Mar-14 11:09:28

Another teacher here. I told my hod last week because I've been feeling so rank. Actually off today (heavy cold as opposed to pregnancy related.) and have usual teacher guilt! Teaching is hard and pregnancy is hard. You have to do whatever you can to muddle through and for me, it took a load off when in shared my happy news. Good luck everyone x

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