Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.
Odds of miscarriage throughout 1st trimester stats(19 Posts)
Someone posted this link on another forum:
Thought it was interesting that miscarriage risk doesn't appear to drop below 2% after 9weeks. Does this sound right?
If so, I might feel comfortable telling parents at 9 weeks, rather than waiting for the 12week scan.
The problem is, you may have a miscarriage and not know about it until the scan.. (Sorry, but sadly true )
I would wait until 12 weeks to tell.
Good point! Got a bit excited by the numbers and completely forgot that...!
curious is right, the embryo doesn't always miscarry straight away if something goes wrong. For example, mine stopped growing at 7 weeks and never had a heartbeat, but I didn't miscarry until week 10. On the other hand, think about whether you'd want your parents to know if you did miscarry. Mine were a huge support.
Why wouldn't you tell anyway? If you did miscarry they'd probably pick up on your sadness, and unless you are really not close wouldn't you want their support?
And georgie is right anyway - my friend's baby died at 8wks, they found out at the scan and it wasn't until about 15wks that it actually made its way out.
People feel differently though. My first mc my parents knew, though they found out as it was happening (they helped with childcare for our eldest). I couldn't bear the thought of anyone knowing if happened again (have had one further and no one at all knows). Am now on Dc3 and have never told anyone until after the scan except DH. it is a very personal preference.
I'm really in two minds about telling our parents before the 12 weeks scan.
The truth is, I'm dying to tell my mum, there are so many questions I want to ask her, but she's such a massive empath I think she'd be heartbroken if anything went wrong. Not that she'd express it to me, but I wouldn't want to put her through that. I guess I just want it tell her when the risk is a bit lower. So if I do miscarry I'd rather not tell mum... Does that seem crazy? As much as I'd need her. But who knows how I'll react. I'm just kind of following my instinct as I go along.
I'm also a bit unsure how they might react to me being pregnant full stop... I'm sure they'd be happy but possibly a bit disappointed we didn't get married first, or saved more, or had another year together etc etc so I'd rather tell them when things are fairly certain and they have to just get used to the idea!
Statistics and charts, I'm back in my comfort zone!
inmybelly, we are in a similar situation as you, I want to tell my mum because I want to ask about family history but I also don't want her to be upset if something goes wrong. We are also unmarried, have just spent most of our savings on a new car (thankfully it's pretty family friendly), have only been together a year and we currently only own a one bedroom flat!
OH is pretty terrified about telling my dad! Thankfully parents aren't religious so are likely to be most upset about the lack of house not a marriage certificate!
After 12 weeks the placenta has fully formed. This does have a bearing on the likelihood of MC: it's the end of the 1st trimester.
Be careful about internet wisdom on MC. I would recommend the Miscarriage Association for accurate, clinical in information. Sadly it's not a medical area with 'joined up' research worldwide (many clinicians chalk it up to age/bad luck- leading to some simple solutions for recurrent loss taking till the 90s to be discovered when the medications had existed for 100 years... because everyone 'knew' age/stress/old wives tales caused it).
As a recurrent miscarrier under the care of the world's leading centre (St Mary's Paddington) and they downgrade risk at 12+4 approx. The placenta being correctly formed also, of course, lessens the risk of later loss, hence the 12 week scan is vital: they may have to tell someone 'there's a HB but it won't make it to 20 weeks' in which case there is a tough decision and inevitable loss to face at 12 weeks.
...oh, and from experience - caring DPs not knowing why you're off work with 'flu' but look well, crying uncontrollably, unable to face babies can be more worrying than them knowing. I would always have at least 1 trusted person know after about 6-7 weeks, just in case.
Bails, you have practically just described my situation! The only difference is we moved into a little house in August (previously we were also in a flat). When are you due? I'm 28th October.
I take a lot of comfort from stats. The babymed hcg calculator with graph is also pretty good if you've had the blood tests done.
So far, finding this forum and telling one female friend (who has had a baby) has been really useful in answering most questions so far
As far as family history is concerned, I started a conversation with my mum about my friend who is currently pregnant and totally lied and said she was offered tests to rule out various things. I asked mum whether she had any and it turned out she had an amniocentesis and then divulged loads of information which meant I could ask more questions. We often have conversations about medical conditions though (due to our jobs) so it didn't feel completely out of the ordinary.
The other thing I really want to know is names of older male relatives but I don't think I can ask this without it being a bit obvious. Plus, at 5w5d is probably jumping the gun a bit. (Although I think about names at least 3 times a day!!)
Squitiza, thank you for that. I really have no idea how I'll react if I do miscarry. I probably will want my mum to know. But I'll play it by ear for now.
I have told my parents and my brothers as we're close. I will tell my two best friends when I see them next week. That's as many people as I want to know, or as I would want to know if something bad had happened. I am 10 weeks.
DP's mum and family, and other friends, can wait till after 12 week scan (or later, depending how I feel).
Bails we live in a flat with a toddler and are happy to have another child in it too. Though it does have two bedrooms. There are advantages as well as disadvantages! We have the city on our doorstep which is a brilliant giant playground for my daughter with museums and parks and events and festivals, and NO STAIRS
Sorry for your losses squizita.
I think reaction to miscarriage is very personal OP. In my case I had successful pregnancies in between, which obviously made a great difference. But for me it was a day of sobbing then pretty much back to normal and over it. There is no 'correct' reaction. You just have to give yourself permission to react how you need to if the worst happens.
I also have a tiny car and we're not married or planning to be. It's all cool , babies don't need any of that stuff
I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. We hadn't told anyone we were pg so this bad news was the first our parents knew of it. Now that I am pg again we have told a couple of friends for support but not parents and don't plan to until after the scan. This is because we don't need them worrying too, and I know our mums would. Also, I am glad we didn't tell them last time because it means we can hopefully enjoy delivering the good news this time round (fingers x). Everyone is different tho OP I am sure you will find what's right for you.
Join the discussion
Please login first.