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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Worried that I secretly would quite like a girl...

47 replies

SuzanneSays · 01/03/2014 19:43

This is my first pregnancy after many years of infertility and am over the moon (though exhausted). Whenever anyone asks if it's a boy or a girl my stock response is 'oh, we want a surprise, after all we've been through will be happy with either', but secretly I would quite like a girl and am getting worried I will find it hard to bond if it's a boy. Am I being ridiculous/an awful person???

OP posts:

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Nocomet · 01/03/2014 19:47

Nope DH and I wanted girls and fortunately that's what we have.

Your not supposed to have a preference, but secretly I'm sure we're not the only people who do.

lljkk · 01/03/2014 19:49

Most of us have a wish list! Main thing is to get your mind in a place where you will make the best of whatever you get.

woodrunner · 01/03/2014 19:50

Congratulations.

Don't worry.
DH and I sooo wanted a girl. We ended up with two boys. During pregnancy, it was a bit of a shock. I asked to find out, as I so wanted a girl, I needed to get my head around having a boy. I was so glad I asked. By the time DS was born, I was totally fine about it.

But better than that: having two boys has been the best thing that ever happened in my life. They are an unbelievable joy and have led me to have a far more interesting and diverse life than might have been the case with a girl or two. I'd have known what to do with girls, but having boys has been a perpetual adventure: reading books I'd never have read, going to museums or films I'd never have looked twice at, getting muddier, spending more time outdoors, getting fitter, having such fun. Boys are so straightforward and affectionate and they adore their mum.

You'll be fine. It's far better and saner to admit your preference now and deal with it/overcome it than to suppress it and feel bad after the birth.

KiwiBanana · 01/03/2014 19:51

I kind of felt the same. We have 1 DS and this baby is DS2. I felt a touch sad I'll probably never get to experience having a girl but soon got over it and concentrated on the positives of having another boy, and also it hopefully being a healthy baby.

You'll love your baby no matter what gender it is, don't worry.

firsttimekat · 01/03/2014 19:52

We decided to find out at the scan for this reason. I decided that Id like some time to get used to it if it wasn't the one I preferred. It has turned out to be what I had a preference for and now enjoying knowing and feel like we might bind better before baby arrives, especially DH who had been finding it hard to imagine as a real thing.

thejoysofboys · 01/03/2014 19:52

We had IVF and for our first born I wasn't bothered either way - DS1 was born. 2nd time round though I was inwardly hopeful of a girl but we were blessed with a DS2. I loved him 100% from the start but had a few months of occasional down days about the girl I wouldn't have. TBH though I wouldn't change having 2 boys for the world.

I'm from a family of all girls (sisters, cousins, aunts & great aunts etc) but boys are THE BEST!

I don't think you can help how you feel - I know I felt ridiculous, ungrateful and generally awful about my initial preference. But I would say that we're not alone in that - many mums do have preferences during ttc/pregnancy but I think you'd find very few to whom it mattered once the baby was actually here.

pebbles1234 · 01/03/2014 19:54

I was desperate for a girl! I had never imagined anything else.... We didn't find out so I always went with the 'of course we don't mind'....

We had a boy.... and I adored him from the second he was born, he's 3 now and a joy every day, even the hard ones. Our bond is amazingly strong.

Obviously that's only my experience but just wanted to share!

Ps I got a girl 2nd time round and whilst lovely, I truly wouldn't have minded either way!

TippiShagpile · 01/03/2014 19:55

I have 2 boys. They are the best thing that has ever happened to me. They are funny, amazingly kind, sensitive and loving. They tell me every day that they love me and apparently I'm the best mummy in the world.

I promise you - boys rock. And then some.

Oly4 · 01/03/2014 19:57

I also wanted a girl! And I admit that when they handed me my son I felt a tiny bit sad he wasn't a girl. But my god, he is the most adorable, cheeky, wonderful thing that ever happened to me. I cannot imagine my life without him. I promise you that you will love and adore your child, whatever the sex. I promise!!

LeslieKnope · 01/03/2014 19:59

I get you OP.

I'm pregnant with DC2 and can't deny that I would strongly prefer another girl.

Its just how I feel.

LastOneDancing · 01/03/2014 19:59

I thought I wanted a girl but as my pregnancy has gone on I'm more (irrationally) convinced its a boy.

Maybe it's my brain playing tricks to prepare me but it's worked and now Im just excited to meet our baby, whoever they may be!

Mummytobe2014 · 01/03/2014 20:01

I thought i wanted a girl but the minute i was told it was a boy and he was healthy it didnt matter anymore i was just over the moon that my baby was healthy and i have enjoyed buying boy bits since and cant wait to hold him. He will be the first grandson too as we have all girls in the family so its pretty exciting

diddlediddledumpling · 01/03/2014 20:02

You'll fall in love with whoever comes out .
Congratulations!

99redbafoons · 01/03/2014 20:12

I started off this pregnancy thinking I'd like a girl, then went through a complete "don't care either way" phase but am currently wanting a girl.

I feel silly and ungrateful for thinking this and am obviously grateful to be blessed with another baby but you can't help the way you feel. I already have a DS and as pp have said, he is an absolute joy and adores me. I know I will be fine with another boy and am trying to think of the baby as a boy because that's what I'm expecting but can't help but let the desire for a girl creep in now and again.

I would like a girl for me. For every other reason, another boy would be better/easier.

Your baby will be what it is meant to be!

beginnings · 01/03/2014 21:05

I have two girls and I'm done - definitely done. I adore them and am delighted to be a Mum of girls but do very occasionally wonder what it would have been like to have one of the other gender. It becomes a really abstract thought within two seconds though - you love the people they are, not for their gender.

SaucyJack · 01/03/2014 21:09

I've always wanted girls- three out of three so far.

In fact, the more girls I have- the less I want boys if I'm honest I just know where I am with girls.

Tea1Sugar · 01/03/2014 23:56

I always wanted girls and fortunately dd2 will be here next month.

Nocomet · 02/03/2014 01:23

Yes, I found out when I was PG to because I wanted time to get my head round, which ever it was.

In fact, I have one mad scientists DD, with a distinctly dangerous hobby and another that has done ballet and and rugby, has broken both her arms and still tries to break herself doing gymnastics.

Sometimes, I think boys would have been more restful.

lucyfluff · 02/03/2014 07:08

I would like a girl, DH realllyyy wants a girl and we will find out in April....we have three boys already who are amazing!!

I think its natural to hope for a sex you want but trust me a healthy baby is all that matter
ps boys give fab cuddles!!!

Mumof3xx · 02/03/2014 07:12

Dc1 I wanted a girl dp wanted a boy

We had a boy

Dc2 we both wanted a girl

We had a boy

Dc3 we assumed would be a boy as no way would we have a girl

We had a girl!

No we didn't keep going til we got a girl. It's just the way it happened and we love them all equally regardless of gender! Now I have a dd I don't really know what all the fuss was about wanting a girl. A baby is a baby!

BlessedAssurance · 02/03/2014 07:24

Dp and i wanted a girl the first time, i was nervous because i thought it would be a boy. We did not find out . It was a girl.
Second time around Dh did not care, i wanted another girl but Dd from the word go wanted a little brother. Went for an ultrasound at 14weeks, when i heard the hearbeat i just knew it was a boy. The 20week scan confirmed it. I was sad for two seconds but now all i want is to meet my little man. I am hoping he will be hanging on to me unlike DD who is just a daddy's girl.

JumpingJackSprat · 02/03/2014 07:26

Maybe examine the reasons why you think you want a girl. A girl might be totally not what you expect - she could grow up a complete tomboy and into everything typically reserved for boys. I know a little girl whose mum was hoping for a girl she could dress up etc. Since she's been old enough to have a preference she has ignored everything girly and runs riot with her brother.

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EirikurNoromaour · 02/03/2014 07:29

I imagine you might feel like it would be ungrateful or tempting fate to wish for a girl after the long wait you have had to have a baby. Most people have a preference though, there is. I thing wrong with it.
I thought I was having a girl, I spent my whole life expecting to be a mother of a girl. When he was born he was a boy and I love him just as much as I can imagine loving a girl. I'm very sure you will bond with and love your baby whatever sex it is.

TheGreatHunt · 02/03/2014 07:40

Why do you want a girl? Is it because of the pink and fluffy stuff?

I was the other way - I wanted a boy and got one.this was because of the (lack of) relationship I had with my mum. Dc2 is a girl. But by the time she came along I was more at ease with myself as a parent.

Please do try and reconcile this or explore why you prefer a girl because at the end of the day you have a baby where you may never have had one.

summerlovingliz · 02/03/2014 07:41

I also thought I wanted a girl both times round, with each ds I asked myself 'how could I have ever wanted a girl when u have the most amazing and precious boy.. You will love and adore either way

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