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I fear for his safety

(8 Posts)
slightlyinsane Sat 01-Mar-14 11:15:03

Warning rant time. 25 wks with twins and 3 other los to run around after and my dh has had the stupidity to ask what I do all day. Cue door slamming and full on tantrum. His standards are show home standards and mine are realistic lived in ones. I'm lucky, if you can call it that, to be able to stay at home with my kids and not have to go to work since we moved a yr ago. But blimey it's hard work looking after a house, kids, lazy ass dh and only know a handful of people. I feel as though I have nothing that's mine, I don't want to come across as being selfish but I don't do anything for me that I can be proud of anymore. I clean, cook and "we" raise the kids together. He gets to go out to work and enjoy, not that he would admit that, making a difference in his workplace where he has the respect from a lot of people, and I plod on at home.
How can I get him to understand that without putting his insensitive head through the tv to make my point. I'm on strike today while he's at work as I'm really annoyed with him, I might even leave him stranded tonight as he's expecting a lift home after a night out, selfish arse.

HelenHen Sat 01-Mar-14 11:23:21

Just put his head through the tv smile

Wow, what an insensitive arse!

Yep, why don't you do nothing and show him what the place is like by the end of the day?

Better still, tell him you're taking tomorrow off! Do something nice for yourself... But tell him you expect the house to be immaculate when you get back!

SweetPea86 Sat 01-Mar-14 11:24:00

Slamming the door with his head in it next time would be more of making a point. Cheeky bugger. Wanting a house to look like a show room is hard even more so if he doesn't help around the house. Being 25 weeks preg is hard enough but with twins and other children I don't know how you do it. I'm now 34 weeks and have been a zombie the whole way through pregnancy and this is my first.

I think you need to sit him down and tell him how disrespectful he is being. At the end of the day if he wants the house a certain standard he needs to Help towards that too.

I went on to my maternity leave at 30 weeks because I was wrecked. My nesting kicked in and went a bit mad but now that's wore off. I'm at home all day I keep the house clean but my hubby still helps with things. I still have the odd melt down because I spend all day making a effort to keep house all tidy and he comes home and it's a mess again it's so frustrating so it must be double the task with children too.

alteredimages Sat 01-Mar-14 12:07:10

No advice, but lots of sympathy. My DH is very similar, and is especially arsey when I finally finish the housework and look tired, which is another no no. I am supposed to be fresh as a daisy to entertain him too!

I would agree with other posters, and point out that it is very hard work keeping house. The best thing would be to have to make a visit for a whole day (and a night too if poss) and leave him with the kids. While not perfect, DH has improved loads since he spent 3 days and nights with DD while I was in hospital having DS. This also worked ages ago for my Mum when Dad thought we didn't need a dishwasher. She went on a two week trip and when she came back in was installed and operational! I am not defending him because he is clearly being very selfish, but it is easy to focus so much on your own life and work responsibilities you can't see things from anyone else's point of view. I remember when I was working being a bit like that with MIL, coming home hungry and blush expecting food ready, someone to take DD for a bit etc. Despite having seen it the other way around I still was a complete jerk and she was nice enough not to notice, or at least pretend.

Can you have a night a week to see friends or do something you like? I know timing isn't ideal with the pregnancy and you may not feel like going out, but even an hour clears my head and makes me able to tell DH he is a dick calmly instead of screaming at him or throwing things. This makes a lot of difference to how he takes what I am saying. Just don't calm down so much you let it go and don't hold him to account!

alteredimages Sat 01-Mar-14 12:11:54

I also understand what you mean about having nothing that is yours. That really gets to me too. I find hobbies are quite good for this, difficult as they are to practise with small kids around. Outside friendships also helped me because it is a part of me outisde being a mother and wife and dogsbody, and I also enjoy reading for the escapism. I have to leave clothes and dishes unwashed sometimes but I don't care and don't let the comments get to me any more because I know they are unwarranted and he doesn't know what he is talking about!

hubbahubster Sat 01-Mar-14 16:59:05

God you sound like a total legend! I take my hat off to you.

Best move is to leave him with the kids for a day I reckon. Tell him the house needs to be spotless, dinner on table and all kids in bed before you're coming home. Then over your lovingly prepared home cooked meal, you can point out that you do all this whole pregnant with twins and without a day off. That should get through to him...

Boogles91 Sun 02-Mar-14 00:51:21

My ex was like that...i left the waste of space in the end! Tell him ur going back to work, and he can do what you do for a while, see how he copes then!! Some men are just awful....im lucky to have found my mr right smile

ithoughtofitfirst Sun 02-Mar-14 08:04:29

Wow.

He sounds ... er..... wow.

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