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Hand holding and sympathy really needed :'(

(22 Posts)
K8eee Thu 27-Feb-14 20:57:45

so I'm nearly 37 weeks pg, today's my birthday, and we have dss for the week until Saturday. I'm probably going to sound really selfish now, but all that we have done that is birthday orientated is go for lunch. admittedly I had no idea what to do but we spent 2 hours in a soft play area for dss. He then copped a strop because we had to leave. went for lunch where most of it was spent with him playing on dh phone, we left there to go to the local outlet as dh wanted to treat me to something for my birthday (Yankee candles) anyway, we get there dss is bored, dh takes him into the Park whilst I look in the candle shop expecting him to come in which he didn't and I ended up buying them myself. He bought me a charm for my Pandora bracelet which of course was really lovely but whenever I buy his presents they're all surprises and I never get him to buy them for himself. is it really too much to ask for him to buy me a couple of presents that he himself has put some thought into?

All week it's revolved around what dss has wanted to do. I get that he's on half term, and doesn't see his dad very often, but your birthday is for one day of the year. I feel a bit neglected, and like I'm in the way. What has topped it off is that I ended up taking myself to the hospital last weekend as I had pains from the baby, and dh didn't even phone to see if I was ok as he was away picking dss up. again this weekend he has to take him back home (which is 4 hours away) yet he doesn't bat an eye lid at leaving me this late in the pregnancy.

I bet I sound a right miserable cow, currently sat here balling my eyes out due to stupid hormones and feeling cap sad

bugoven Thu 27-Feb-14 21:36:14

I bet that in other circumstances you wouldn't have been worried about any of this but because you are heavily pregnant and vulnerable I think you have a right to expect a little more consideration. When baby arrives I presume DSS will have to share your DP's attention etc. I can also see that maybe DP is conscious of DSS feeling left out, replaced or unloved because of new baby. Either way say what support you need and you are absolutely entitled to a cry. Take care X

K8eee Thu 27-Feb-14 21:42:13

Maybe, but every time we see him it is revolved around dss and what dss wants. what does concern me is some of the morbid things dss has said about the baby, especially if it's a girl.....sad

everythinghippie29 Thu 27-Feb-14 21:43:50

Aww, HAPPY BIRTHDAYthanks thanks thanks thanks thanks

Late stage pregnancy is the worst and even more so on your birthday.

I'm sorry you've had a crappy one, can totally understand why you feel fed up. Look after yourself, eat cake and have a nice long bath soak.

Good luck and congratulations with your baby!

bugoven Thu 27-Feb-14 21:45:53

I bet that in other circumstances you wouldn't have been worried about any of this but because you are heavily pregnant and vulnerable I think you have a right to expect a little more consideration. When baby arrives I presume DSS will have to share your DP's attention etc. I can also see that maybe DP is conscious of DSS feeling left out, replaced or unloved because of new baby. Either way say what support you need and you are absolutely entitled to a cry. Take care X

K8eee Thu 27-Feb-14 21:46:49

Dh bless him did run my a bath with candles, although I burnt myself on one with hot wax hmm

I've taken to hiding in bed and watching catch up tv on my new phone. Keeping out the way of dh and dss. I don't know how to explain it to dh without sounding like a selfish spoilt brat who wants a bit of attention sad

everythinghippie29 Thu 27-Feb-14 22:08:06

Not brattish at all. Entirely normal for you to be hormonal and nesty and prehaphs a little over protective of your own privacy and even of DHs time and attentions.

I think bed + T.V sounds like an excellent plan though. Sounds like your DP is probably trying to get a balance right but bless 'em, I think they can all lose it a bit when we are all uncomfortable, ultra pregnant and weepy.

Hope you do feel better soon. Don't feel guilty for how you feel. A few more weeks and you will have your L.O to cuddle if you feel blue.

HannahG315 Thu 27-Feb-14 23:05:51

I cried because I didn't get a card for valentines until the evening whereas I woke up my OH with breakfast, prezzies and card. Was 36 weeks. Admit he'd spent all free time prior to valentines with me so didn't have a spare 5 mins, but at the time I felt like poop!

Talk it out, allow him to comfort you and try and make it up. Otherwise you will bottle it up and scream it out and then you will seem mad and hormonal.

No-one can get annoyed at a crying pregnant lady, but they can resent an angry shouting one grin

HAPPY BIRTHDAY envyenvyenvyenvythanksthanksthanksthanksthanksthanksthanksthanks

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Fri 28-Feb-14 00:27:48

38 beers here and highly emotional. I don't think it's wrong to feel that you'd like a bit more attention, I am exactly the same.
But, from a step child's point of view, I was 11 when dSSis was born and even at that quite advanced age, I was very insecure and upset. My DF didnt go out of his way to make me feel secure and my DSM was only young and had other stuff on her mind.
This is all about you at the moment, especially as it was your birthday, but don't underestimate the impact on your dss. Its hard not to want to think entirely about your own baby, but don't forget he is already your dhs child and may well feel like he's being replaced.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Fri 28-Feb-14 00:28:14

38 WEEKS!! id MURDER a beer!

Inglori0us Fri 28-Feb-14 06:01:13

Poor you. And happy birthday!!!
Sorry you feel neglected. Pregnancy hormones won't be helping but it does sound like you've had a crappy day.

Mummytobe2014 Fri 28-Feb-14 09:53:37

Happy birthday thanks
Can you suggest doing something once dss has gone home? I know its not the same but atleast u can celebrate alone?
I didnt get a card from my dp on valentines day but i got him one, he said "we dnt usually celebrate" which translates to "hmmm i havent had time and id forgotton" lol im not fussed but i have been very lucky with my hormones i can imagine if my hormones were worse i wld have been very upset. You should tell him how you feel and have a little cry it will make u feel better and enjoy some cake

K8eee Fri 28-Feb-14 10:01:50

Well I opened up to him about it last night, and I feel very sorry for him at the moment. He spoke to his ex regarding the give back of dss on saturday, and suggested meeting half way as I don't feel comfortable with him being so far away when I'm nearly full term. It resulted in a huge argument between them both (mostly her shouting) and basically we have got no where sad he says he feels torn 4 ways at the moment; between her, dss, me and new baby. He does need to grow a pair with the way he handles his ex, but because dss is involved he feels like he should walk away, as she said to him last night that she would happily have dss all to herself and not to even bother with maintenance money. really could do without this extra stress right now

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Fri 28-Feb-14 10:10:49

poor bloke and poor you. what a crappy situation. sad And the poor wee boy is stuck between an unreasonable sounding mother and a father trying to please everyone. How old is Dss if you don't mind me asking? sad
Take some time out, you and DH, to just take your minds off of it and bond a bit.

Mummytobe2014 Fri 28-Feb-14 10:11:17

I know how you feel my dp has two girls from a prev and she sounds exactly the same. She explodes into a row at the drop of a hat and will stop him seeing them although she wld never cancel maintenance money.
Some people are really selfish and i have had to let so many things go when it comes to her as the relationship between dp and his girls is so precious. I love his girls too and want them to be involved. Sadly its hard to reason with people like her and he has to back down so he can see them which stresses me out no end but for him i have to try and calm because its hard enough for him sad.
Its nice that he tried to find a resolution for you though with regards to the travelling but sadly he is reliant on her to also agree.
Life can be really tough when there are exs involved so i can totally sympathise with you x

K8eee Fri 28-Feb-14 12:25:56

dss is 7 saggy. I feel sorry for him too. The thing is she has already admitted in the past numerous times that she wants dss all to herself. dss bless him has said to us that 'mummy needs to learn to share' I hate how aware he is of everything that is going on.

yep sounds very much like dh ex mummy sad and because there is a child involved he can't just tell her to 'do one'. After last night dh was ready to throw the towel in and give her what she wants, but I know he'd feel awful, and terribly guilty. I don't understand how these mothers can do it to their kids, and just please themselves for their own selfish reasons. dh and o have already spoken about if the worst thing happened and we split up with kids involved. poor bugger felt insecure about it until I had to reassure him that regardless of what troubles we would have as a couple o w I understand never stop him seeing our kids unless something awful had happened and I felt they needed to be protected.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Fri 28-Feb-14 14:41:10

Poor little fellow. And he's probably got his mum feeding him bs about his dad too.
You sound lovely. Please make your house a haven where he feels welcome and comfortable.
I have some really sad memories of not being included. I get on great with dad and all of my step mothers now, but its not always been that way.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Fri 28-Feb-14 14:41:30

<<not projecting at all>>

Mummytobe2014 Fri 28-Feb-14 14:55:14

I totally agree with you k8eee its the kids that suffer the most, but some mothers just do not care. Sadly my dp ex is only interested in the money from him. When he lost his job he wasnt allowed to see them for six months and even when he got a job and started paying she wouldnt answer the phone etc so ita ao tough. We have also had that chat and im with you i wld never do anything to ruin their relationship. We have been there when dp wanted to give up but it does settle and your right he wld regrwtet it and feel guilty especially as you are having a baby together. Hang on in there its hard but you and your dh are the better people in this.
Try and find away to celebrate your birthday when dss has gone home and try put this behind you. thanks

K8eee Fri 28-Feb-14 14:56:25

yep, she certainly has. by the sounds of things she is definitely trying to make dh sounds like a crap dad sad dss has got the idea in his head that dh is lazy because I do the majority of the house work, cooking & cleaning. I've tried to explain to him on his level that his dad is the breadwinner and goes out to work. I think he finds it odd to be in a house where the adults show each other affection and love each other. I've even got to the point of buying him a load of clothes for our house just so he feels a bit more at home. I do feel a bit bad as where my hormones have been a bit all over the shop, my patience and tolerance level has been pretty much 0 sad I don't think though he's noticed to be honest.

Legalbaby79 Sat 01-Mar-14 22:15:22

I totally know what you mean !!! I have 2 step children that spend a lot of time with us, their mother is useless, my oh spends his time with them , we never ever have any time together because of them and our work and shift patterns.... I know it's selfish but sometimes I just want my own family without them clinging off my oh.... To top it all they can never do know wrong shock

K8eee Sat 01-Mar-14 22:21:08

dss hangs off the back of him at any given chanc, which I totally get, but what infuriates me is that dh let's him stay up until ridiculous o'clock. We gave him back today, but all week whilst he was with us, dh would put him to bed between 10:30 & 11! and all the time after dinner until bed he would play on either the wii or x box. I ended up going to bed most nights early so I could have some alone time, and get away from the bloody computers. I did question dh on this, but his answer was 'oh its ok, I just want him to have a really good time when we have him' I'm not sure what any of you think, but surely once this baby arrives things will be different on the entertaining front...?

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