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in desperate need of support as a newly single pregnant woman!

(6 Posts)
excitedmummytobe Tue 25-Feb-14 11:58:20

hi there, i dont know what to say but i need suppport and i hear this is a great place to get it.

me and my partner tried for a baby for 8months our relationship fell down around me an hour before i found out i was pregnant on valentines day of all days. i am 20 im not that close to my family and need some support smile

were on talking terms and it seems we may end up back together (we argued alot in the end, only problem) but that alone causes so much confusion. hold out hope or move on? i never planned to be a single mother hence trying to do it properly with a decent man (which he is, just a little emotionally immature). i know i can do it on my own im just so scared. i feel like my lack of years is against me knowing what to do now. anyone have any advice or experience? i know im more than capable of being a single mother and hed be very hands on i just pictured us as a family for so long it breaks my heart thinking our stupid arguing took that away from our child. just wish i knew how this chapter ended...

nugget05 Tue 25-Feb-14 12:08:06

This chapter ends with you having a beautiful baby and being an amazing mum. Its hard I wont lie im 29 weeks and my exP left me at 19 weeks because all we were doing was arguing. A combination of my hormones and his lack of understanding. Don't rely on you getting back together, mentally prepare yourself for life with just you and your baby and if you get back together its a bonus. Give yourself time to be angry/sad about the breakdown of the relationship. Going through a break up is hard enough on its own without adding pregnancy to it, but you can and will get through it. smile

excitedmummytobe Tue 25-Feb-14 12:15:57

thanks for the suppport. you r definitely right. we were msging yday about the baby and i told him i need space and ill text him in a couple of days. Im trying to do as u said, prepare myself for being alone but i cant help but remain hopeful well both realise what weve lost. do u mind if i ask how the dad has been since u broke up? how much contact how interested in u 2 etc x

nugget05 Tue 25-Feb-14 12:29:23

At first he was very interested and I believed we'd get back together but then i didn't hear anything from him for a couple weeks (new years) then he wanted to be involved, then i didn't hear from him for 3 weeks (his birthday and valentines) He only wants to be involved and know how we are when it suits him, this week he wants to get back together and be a 'real' family but next week? who knows. so we aren't exactly on speaking terms at the moment. But its different for everybody, a friend of mine was in a similar situation but he was just terrified of being a dad, once he got over the initial shock and saw the scan he grew up really quickly and hes now a brilliant dad to a little 1 yo girl grin

clairesmiles Tue 25-Feb-14 12:30:02

Hi,

I'm sorry hear that you're going through such a tough time, being pregnant won't help at all as your emotions are running rife etc.

Nugget is right in that this will all become a thing of the past once that baby is born. From what i hear, everything else pails in comparison to the importance of that baby. (I'm 22+7 so I haven't experienced it yet.)

You may very well find that the father's attitude changes completely once the baby arrives too... A couple of years ago one of my good friends had just got married and was having a baby, her husband left her as I think it all got too much for him at that point (my opinions shall remain silent lol) anyway, she was heart broken and there was little chance of reconciliation, until the baby was born and the father fell head over heals in love with the baby and in turn back in love with his wife because he was in awe of her.

I'm not trying to give anyone false hope, not at all, all I'm saying is that you should concentrate on yourself and your baby, like nugget says. Then, when the time comes, the father may realise just what he's missing out on.

It's amazing what a bit of time and perspective can do for people smile It may even hit him as you start to get bigger and he sees you carrying his baby.

I hope everything works out for you either way. We're all strong enough to cope with more that we think we are, you'll be a fantastic single mummy if it works out that way smile

excitedmummytobe Tue 25-Feb-14 12:42:29

thanks for all the great advice. He is coming to my first appt with midwife on 20th march @ 9wks then our first scan will be about 3weeks later. i think the scan will have a bigger impact on him than he imagines. i feel like a fool holding out hope and i hate that all i want is his arm round me cos i feel so ill and i cant even have that. i can barely eat with all the stress and when i do it hits my empty stomach and comes back up again unless its cerealsad all i know about this break up is i have the best chance if i do the opposite of what he expects. so minimal contact and no i miss u or anything. i believe things work out for the best even if the 'best' isnt what u wanted to be. i hope in this case it is. there seems to be a lot of stories out there where ppl end up back togeher. i guess when everyone appears to be together forever and never break up or have rubbish its all lies...i blame chick flicks!

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