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His Mum has cut us off

(9 Posts)
blondiebonce Thu 20-Feb-14 22:50:09

So basically, I'm 20 weeks pregnant and a first time Mum.

On Sunday the DP and his Mum had a big fall out (both said things they probably shouldn't, on equal measure) and his Dad (never overly close to, difficult relationship etc etc) just (without hearing full story) took her side. DP tried to call later on to try and arrange a chat to try and make up but his Dad told him not to bother and that was that.

Just had a message from his Mum to say she is changing her number and doesn't want to know anymore. Coming from the lady who for the last 20 weeks has practically wanted to raise the baby.

I'm devastated!!!! DP has made the effort and is offended by their attitudes so has said right, onwards and upwards. But his family were such a massive part of our "network", if you like, who made me feel supported and welcome. I'm gutted for my DP and I'm gutted that our baby's family is falling apart already. My family is lovely but other than my parents (not disregarding them but) everyone lives far away.

Has anyone else had anything similar/felt somewhat abandoned by family when they could really do with it most? Any advice?

whiteblossom Fri 21-Feb-14 11:44:00

clearly feelings are running high. Give mil a day to calm down and go round with a box of chocs and ask in you can come in for a chat (big smile on face). Give her a hug and see if you can calm things down.

Failing that... er, fuck 'em grin You tried, that's their choice.

A baby coming can set people off, very weird but true.

LastOneDancing Fri 21-Feb-14 12:55:55

Give them time to cool off.

If she's been welcoming and looking forward to meeting her GC, I'd be very surprised if she stayed away as the time got nearer.

Maybe a note to say DH is sorry and wanted to apologise for his part in the row, you love them very much and want them to be in your baby's life, so the door is always open and leave it at that.

I wouldn't crawl too much as it justifies her silence and some drama queens love a good sulk.

ithoughtofitfirst Fri 21-Feb-14 13:58:45

Yeah like whiteblossom said fuck em. Their loss.

You care because you are a good person.

But seriously. Fuck em.

sambababy Fri 21-Feb-14 14:36:31

Wow, MIL needs to grow up by the sounds of it! I agree with previous posters. DH can try to apologise, you can tell them you want them to be a part of the baby's life, but what more are they hoping for? I suspect as your due date gets closer, they'll crawl back with their tails between their legs.

I'm sorry you're having this extra, unnecessary stress during your pregnancy. Encourage DH to resolve it because you really shouldn't have to.

blondiebonce Fri 21-Feb-14 20:02:58

Thank you everyone for your replies!!

I've suggested to DP about being open to any form of reconcilliation, but some of the things his Dad has said days after have really upset him. He's been really sarky and nasty and DP has said for him this is the breaking point. He's had enough of the constant arguments and being blamed. He realises he said some things himself, but the regular needling since has just given him the "F* 'em" attitude.

You guys are right. Just sad! He's said he's annoyed they've dragged me into it because he doesn't like that they're piling the stress on me, like sambababy says.

Well. Hopefully have a new house next week. New starts and exciting times ahead anyway smile

Pimpf Fri 21-Feb-14 20:05:13

I'd stay out of it for now, leave things to cool down

Floralnomad Fri 21-Feb-14 20:09:43

Don't get involved ,they're his family so let him deal with it how he wants . FWIW my Inlaws did the same many years ago but after a few weeks they started contacting DH but just wouldn't speak to me , 16 yrs on they still don't and I'm eternally grateful !

SweetPea86 Fri 21-Feb-14 22:41:16

Sorry to hear that Hun, hopefully over the next few days things will calm down. And your MIL will realise how hasty she has been.
At the end of June day the fight was between her and her son not you and the baby. If she's wanted to be a part of baby's life she won't of changed. She Probably feels silly taking it out on you.

If not then like the other ladies said, forget her. If she's too stubben to put her ego before her family well let her get on with it.

One of my best friends has had a very on off relationship with her mother in law, when her husband left her my friends husband was gutted that his dad had done that and helped his mum out a lot. When my friend had her first child she was very involved. When my friend fell pregnant again her hubby made up with his dad for children's sake. So his mum blocked him out and said if you speak to your father don't speak to me.

Very sad situation as her eldest child hasn't seen his nan for over a year and her youngest hasn't met her, she is lucky her family are very supportive, but very sad her ego got in the way of her grandchildren.

I hope your family sort things out

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