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Am I being unreasonable?

(24 Posts)
smilesallround247 Thu 20-Feb-14 17:32:13

my little girl is due on the 24 of April and we have been invited to a wedding a month later.
I've told dp that he can go but I don't want to for a number of reasons:
its an hours drive away
she'll be less than a month old
I won't know anyone
I'll be breastfeeding. not in public!
I'll still be recovering.
I'll be very tired.
All this just falls on deaf ears.
I've said he can go and ill have a day with my grandparents.
am I being unreasonable to not wanting to go this wedding?

Thurlow Thu 20-Feb-14 17:35:13

Nope, not being unreasonable at all. The opposite, in fact!

There's a high chance your baby will only be 2 weeks old then, and you'll still be coping with breastfeeding and recovering from the birth. You'll not be sleeping much either.

If the wedding was really local and you could easily pop there and back for an evening do, say, you could probably say that you might go if you surprise yourself by feeling up to it. But there'd still only be about a 1% chance that you would want to go!

Stick to your guns.

MostlyMama Thu 20-Feb-14 17:38:11

'All this falls on deaf ears'

Does that mean he is insisting you go? Tell him to get to fuck.

smilesallround247 Thu 20-Feb-14 17:38:30

uh Thank you!
It's over an hour away in the car and i've said that it's too far.
I don't know why he won't go by himself! he said that he wants to show off his family, but his family doesn't want to go!

smilesallround247 Thu 20-Feb-14 17:39:27

He is inisting that I go. I've told him I'm not going end of but he won't listen or even try and think about how I'll be feeling at the time

Stockhausen Thu 20-Feb-14 17:42:05

Yanbu.

Actually, id be impressed if HE feels up for going when the time comes, as he'll probably be knackered too! And hangovers are no fun withva baby in the house!

Is he expecting you to be designated driver/his taxi for the evening?

If you ended up having a section, you're not supposed to drive for weeks anyway.

smilesallround247 Thu 20-Feb-14 17:44:13

I have no idea but he doesn't own a car, the car is mine. perhaps the car keys might go missing.
His mother wants us to go only for her to show off a new grand child.
I'm sticking to my guns with this one. I've told him that he can go by all means. I don't want to.

petalsandstars Thu 20-Feb-14 17:45:12

Who's wedding is it? If he's not listening to you then I'd go to the b&g directly and tell them why you won't be attending. If they have DCs they should understand easily.

smilesallround247 Thu 20-Feb-14 17:47:14

It's his cousin I think. It even says on the invite no kids!!!!
I don't think they would bat an eye lid if I didn't go.
I've said to dp she might cry through the ceremony and I don't want her around loud music or drunk people wanting to touch her.

McBaby Thu 20-Feb-14 17:47:44

You might feel fine maybe see how you feel and when you have the baby etc if this is possible.

I travelled 4 hours from London to Newcastle to see relatives with a 4 week old and it was nice to go and do stuff dd slept well when we went out and I had horrid SPD for last 3 months of pregnancy so a change of scenery was lovely.

smilesallround247 Thu 20-Feb-14 17:49:29

I just don't fancy going to it when breastfeeding and I won't know anyone.
to me it's too far, if it was closer then I might be more inclined.

HomeIsWhereTheGinIs Thu 20-Feb-14 17:51:26

You shouldn't have to do anything you don't want to. That said, would it be an idea to play it by ear? I ask only because one of my friends went to two weddings abroad when he baby was five and seven weeks respectively. I'm planning to go to one abroad (Europe) myself when my baby is a month old. Obviously I've said that if I don't feel up to it I won't go, but that seems to be the main problem if I read your op correctly? That you're saying you don't want to and he won't accept it? If that's the case it seems a tad controlling, why don't you get in touch with the couple directly and say you don't think you'll be up for it?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 20-Feb-14 17:53:13

I don't think an hour away is very far, but I would say don't make a decision until you've actually had your baby.

We went to a wedding when DS1 was 5 weeks old. I had had an EMCS and my scar still wasn't completely healed, but we made a plan and had a really lovely time. It felt great to get a bit dressed up (maxi dress with low heels so nothing OTT) and go and have a few glasses of wine and show DS1 off to friends.

Some friends came to our wedding when their baby was only two weeks old!

See how you feel is my advice.

smilesallround247 Thu 20-Feb-14 17:54:00

I think I will get in touch with them.
weddings and big social gatherings aren't my thing.
He's just pissed me off being a twat about it and not thinking about how I'll cope.
Sigh. I might surprise myself closer to the time but for dp it's either yes or yes no maybe or no!

Lj8893 Thu 20-Feb-14 17:59:28

Hmmm I think your dp is being unreasonable to not actually even discuss it with you but I think your being a little pfb.

She could come early, so she could be 6 weeks by the wedding.
An hour really isn't that far in a car, and if she's like most babies she will sleep the whole journey (and prob most of the day)
Are you planning to never breastfeed in public??? That's a long time to never leave the house.

Saying all of that, anything could happen, you could have a emcs, or be 2 weeks overdue in which case yes, you probably won't feel up to going.

If it were me I would be saying yes I will go, but warning the b&g that things may change and I will give them as much warning as possible if I'm not able to make it.

smilesallround247 Thu 20-Feb-14 18:02:53

Thanks for all the advice.
Tbh I think I'm getting worked up over it.
I'll have to see how I feel closer to the time, anything could happen right smile

PastaandCheese Thu 20-Feb-14 18:04:15

I agree with Lj8893. I'd have warned B&G plans may change depending on birth but I'd have enjoyed taking my DD to a family wedding at that age.

In fact it was Christmas 4 weeks after my DD was born and we went 4 hours away by car and had a great time showing her off. I'd got the hang of breastfeeding by then too so it wasn't an issue.

We're all different though so really it has to be up to you.

PastaandCheese Thu 20-Feb-14 18:04:54

Sorry, cross post. I think you're right to just see how you feel!

Lj8893 Thu 20-Feb-14 18:07:36

Yy, I couldn't wait to show dd off! We were in hospital for 3 nights but as soon as we got out I was planning all sorts of day trips and family events to show her off! I took her over an hour to my workplace when she was 2 weeks old.

Thurlow Thu 20-Feb-14 18:10:04

MN never ceases to surprise me. On one hand you get threads where everyone says it's fine for a new mum to say no visits even from parents for the first few weeks, and then on here the op is being told she's being a bit pfb not to want to go to a possibly long, loud social event what might only be 2-3 weeks after birth!

Do what you want to, op, don't feel pressurised into going if you don't want to.

(Fwiw, I'm saying this as someone who left their pfb at 3wo for an afternoon)

PotteringAlong Thu 20-Feb-14 18:10:18

If it says no children on the invitation ywbvu to turn up with a baby without checking first, but

A) an hour away is not very far at all
B) why no Breastfeeding in public? You might surprise yourself.

findingherfeet Thu 20-Feb-14 18:11:52

No very sensible....it'll make a bit more sense to him once little one is hear. You're not stopping him so can't see problem!

smilesallround247 Thu 20-Feb-14 18:16:12

After an hour of giving him cold shoulder he's either seen sense or wanting an easy life!
I've told him I'll see how I feel closer to the time but as it stands I don't want too.

HelenHen Thu 20-Feb-14 18:32:13

I decline any invites 6 weeks either side of the birth... Simply cos it's my fucking prerogative grin . Ya don't wanna be stressing about something stupid like that when the only thing on your mind is probably baby baby baby! I wouldn't worry about being precious at all... It's a pretty nervous time!

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