Age gap- is 14 mths too tight?

[ChicaMomma]

23 weeks pregnant with my first child.

Realise i'm planning ahead a little TOO much, and acknowledge that with fertility you cannot always plan ahead ANYWAY (and especially as i am 37!), but i'm already planning the second (I'm a project manager, i cant help it).

My 1st will be due in June, and i'd really like the second to be a summer baby also- but dont want to wait and have a gap of 2 yrs...

So my ideal situation is- give birth this June, conceive around Oct/Nov (4 mths later) and have the 2nd one born the following July/August.

From what i can tell, the main risks to having children less than 18 mths apart are:

• Placental abruption with the 2nd
  
• Premature babies with the 2nd
  
• I'm assuming your MC risk would also rise with the 2nd? if your body hasnt fully recovered?
  

If i end up having to have an EMCSection with the first, will that further dampen my plan, or does it make a diff?

Again, I realise things dont always go to plan, I'm just looking for feedback from people who have kids that are less than 14/15 mths apart. (Moreso for the health of the second baby/mother rather than what happens once the baby is born, i realise that would be tough work, that's fine!)

[littlehelp]

Hi sorry no advice but interested here what others say as there will be a 15 month gap between dd and and new baby

[addictedtosugar]

There is a pair of sisters round the corner with a 13 mth gap.
I think it was pretty tough when the oldest was just mobile, with a new born. But from when they were 2 and 3, it was lovely to see them together.

How are you thinking of feeding your baby? I breastfed, and periods didn't return for 9 months - which is very typical. So anything less than 18 months would have been impossible for me. I have 24 months.

[NeverKnowinglyUnderstood]

I have a friend with this age gap.
from what I understand. her body had not fully recovered from the first birth before she was significantly pregnant with the 2nd.
The older child is forced to be more independent alot quicker.

My friends first child was just trying to take her first steps whilst mummy was busy with breastfeeding a newborn.

However, they are now a little older and being close in age is working well.
No idea what it is like when they are at school age.

[BumpKitty]

I was going to mention the breastfeeding too.

A friend has a 12 month gap, she had spd with the first and an EMCS, they didn't plan for the second one to come along so soon. She developed spd again very quickly in her 2nd pg but went full term and had a vaginal delivery. I think most of the health professionals she saw weren't overly concerned about the small age gap. Though I think a GP/MW will advise to give yourself time for your body to recover if you asked in advance of getting pg.

[Artandco]

I have 15 month gap, all was fine. I exclusively breastfed eldest also ( then tandem fed both). Never had any problems with jealousy as too young, both fairly chilled babies/ toddlers which helped.

Also planned small gap

[PlumpPartridge]

I have a 13 mo gap - not intentionally! I tried and failed with bf in both cases so that wasn't a factor.

It was hard work in the beginning but I love it now that they are 2.5 and 1.5. I actually think it is physically easier to be pregnant and chase around after a baby rather than a big strong stroppy toddler.DS1 can't remember a world without DS2, and I like that.

I say go for it, if your dc1/partner are amenable!

[stepmooster]

DC1 born July 12, DC2 born Aug 13, just shy of 14 months. BF both, clearly BF is not a 100pct effective contraception. I planned it too, but only after birth of DC1, I had a good pregnancy and fast labour. GP was supportive. Everyone else said I was mad! DC1 went to nursery for 3 days so she wasn't bored all week during Newborn days. Actually now she is walking and climbing so glad she was only cruising when DC2 was born. Made BF newborn easier.

My friend is about to have 2nd CS with a 20 month gap. Believe she has been monitored closely due to increased risk.

My DC1 is a good sleeper, and is fairly laid back. I wouldn't do it if my DC2 was my DC1 ifyswim. I also wouldn't want to do it without help from paid childcare or if you have family willing to muck in.

My cousin had a small gap, not planned, but they said to me its not as bad as people scare you with. I believed and now I fully agree.

[thecakeisalie]

I think it depends on the temperament of your baby. We have an 18 month age gap between ds1 & 2 and it was really hard. Ds1 was a laid back little chap who was generally happy and fairly independent. Ds2 was a velcro baby who would hold his breath when he got upset and at 10 months old developed reflex seizures as he would hold his breath so long. I could not leave the room or give him to anyone else, even DH, without the risk of a seizure. He also fought daytime sleep and would scream a lot! If he'd been our first there is no way we would have had another so close together.

This is dc3 for us and ds2 will be nearly 3 when this baby arrives. I could not have contemplated a smaller age gap with the way ds2 has been. He only really turned a corner around the age of 2.

Ultimately even though it's hard you find a way of coping. It's really nice now were through the baby years with the our boys they get on really well and play together all the time. It makes choosing activities to do as a family easy too because they are at a similar stage. I have no regrets even though it was so hard because ds2 is an absolute joy to be around now he was just a very high needs baby.

I didn't find the pregnancy any harder with ds2 than ds1 but I ebf so doubt I would have fallen before ds1 was 6 months old even if I'd wanted to.

Good luck with your decision.

[Jess03]

There are 14 months between my sister and I, mum got terrible PND due to lack of adequate support although we did play together. I think you really need to see how the first one goes before deciding.

[Shootingstarsandcomets]

I have this age gap and ds2 is 4 months old. I won't lie the first few weeks were so tough but now he's older it's actually really fun. Fun but busy! I was still bf when I conceived and it wasn't planned so all a bit of a shock but I think it's the best way now, all the baby years done at once and then two small people that will both like the same things at the same time and amuse each other- I hope!
With regard to pregnancy it doesn't increase miscarriage chance. Prem labour only a risk if your first was prem. Ds1 was a month early this chap was a day beforw he was due. Both my deliveries were cs- emcs with the first and elcs with the second. I wanted vbac but when I went into labour he was in such an awkward position they only gave me less than 20% chance of succeeding so I opted for a cs. Abruption risk does not increase with a close age gap according to my consultant and if it's worth anything he was the head of fetal medicine at the Birmingham women's so quite knowledgable I would have thought.
Anyway good luck if you go for it! It's busy but fun! Get a good sling!

[zipzap]

From the other side, there are 14 months between my my dsis and me - and it's great, we're close, and my mum loved it.

I have two ds that are 3 years apart - and whilst they can get on beautifully, there's enough of a gap that there can be friction because they can't or don't want to do the same thing.

Would have loved them to be closer in age but it wasn't to be . I'm sure once they are much older it won't be an issue but I don't like it now they are small (8&5).

So I'd definitely say it was worth considering aiming for 14 months, all other things being equal.

[Xavielli]

I have 4 DC - 2 lots of 15 month age gap with a 4 year gap in between. I loved it do much I did it twice :) no HCP ever batted an eyelid or mentioned any of the risks you've found. It's full on in the beginning but worth every second to not have to entertain them past the age of 1!

[Lottystar]

I had my two ds 13 months apart, it wasn't planned that way, just happened! Physically the only thing I suffered with was anaemia as my iron levels were utterly depleted after the first pregnancy. Otherwise all was pretty textbook. If I'm honest it's only now that I feel we are starting to breathe as a family, my first ds was not mobile when the second ds came so that was fine, but many occasions trying to cart two little ones around in play groups etc. When my older ds started walking at 15 months that's when the fun began, it was quite tough when one is mobile and still a toddler so has little concept of where they should and shouldn't go. Only now at nearly 2 & 3 are they starting to play with one another a little and I really hope that they are close when older. The biggest hardship is definitely sleep deprivation and whilst we adore time with our kids it is hard to have any kind of lifestyle or remnant of your former life. I'm now pregnant with no 3, not due until September but my hubby and I have just reconciled ourselves to the joys of toddlerdom and kiddy stuff for the next few years, it is a precious time that will pass soon enough. Good luck in your decision on what is best for your family

[mercibucket]

hahaha

well i have a larger gap, 17 months, and that was fine (beyond knackering) but i had a c section and it is not recommended (or wasnt when i had mine) to have such a small age gap. so worth waiting to see how birth goes.

also bf can stop fertility returning immediately so depends how long and how often you bf

why summer births, out of interest? if i was planning i would go for sept or oct - higher achievers and top in class

[mercibucket]

oh yeah, i see noone mentioned the part about having the energy to have sex

[SomethingOnce]

Have you done a Gantt chart?

I'd plan for a little more recovery time, tbh. Pregnancy takes a lot from your body and the first three or four months can be pretty intense.

Agree about the breastfeeding. I did for nearly two years and didn't have a period the whole time.

[mrsmummytobe]

There are 14 months between my sister & I, & my mum was also 37 when pg. I wouldn't worry if it feels right for you. I know someone who has a 9 1/2 month age gap between her 2 children!!!

[AnythingNotEverything]

OP - I have a gannt chart!

I've no practical advice, but don't you have a higher chance of conceiving twins if you conceive quickly after birth? I don't have any data but I read that on here the other day. Worth bearing in mind that number two could be number two and three!

[Eastpoint]

Another point to consider is school. I would not be aiming to have an August baby as although there will doubtless be posters saying their August born is top of the class it is generally easier for a child to be amongst the oldest in the year than the youngest. I have 17 & 21 month gaps & they were both fine.

[stillenacht]

For me def (have almost 4 years between my two...DS1 never slept!) but for my SiL she has three now but first two are 12 months apart... That said both are good sleepers, eldest did 7pm-8am from birth! Mine have never done that!!!

[stillenacht]

My eldest is August born- def wouldn't recommend August for a birthday due to academic/school stuff

[Huffpot]

I have an (unplanned) 11 month gap between my two DS' s.
I also tried and failed with BF so no advice on that
The first two years were hard as DS1 wasn't walking when DS2 was born but it is amazing now they are 3 & 4. They are the absolute best of friends now and inseparable. ..to top it all off they are in the same school year and both in nursery together and starting reception together this year.
I'm now pregnant with DC3 & concerned about the bigger age gap! (would have had closer but for health issues/miscarriages)
We got a lot of negativity from people but wouldn't change it for the world now!
Good luck!

[sussexmum38]

There is 14 months between dddds. Totally unplanned. If you have some support of dh then of course doable. They group like twins. Go for it if everything is right.

[ChicaMomma]

Thanks all, lots of fantastic advice here!

The school-going age issue isnt a problem as i live in Dublin and we can choose to send our children to school at either 4 or 5, 5 seems to be the norm nowadays though it seems. As for my reasons for wanting a summer baby? Everyone says it's so nice to not have a cold house during the night feeds, you can get out and about walking with the baby early on, less infections etc etc.. i just like the idea of it! My SIL had 3 june babies and 1 decemeber baby, she said the difference was incredible, the decemeber guy has always been sick from the get go- but of course that could be a coincidence..she said in general though she really preferred having summer babies..

I am planning (here i go again, all the best laid (fnar!) PM plans) to BF for 3-4 months (not convinced it will go well as my nipples are so ALL THE TIME!!), then start TTC after that- hopefully my cycle goes back to the norm quickly enough.. we were lucky this time and got the BFP first month- so i guess there's an element of me being deluded that i'll happen quickly second time around also! It may not!!

I'm really glad to read though from people who've had them close together than the health element isnt really a big deal.. provided i dont get a section this time, in which case all bets are off i guess.

Thanks all for your invaluable input, off to adjust my Gantt chart now

[SomethingOnce]

Having a baby in spring is nice (conceive June, July, August) with all the benefits of the weather warming up when the baby's born, but not being pregnant over a hot summer (we can hope!).

Not that I'm saying ttc immediately after your first, just that it would be an, erm, consolation if it takes longer than your chart and lifestyle change allow

It might be worth using OPKs to start monitoring/tracking your cycle immediately after your baby arrives to see if BF is affecting it and, if not, to ttc at the optimal time each month. Of course, there's no guarantee you'll conceive just because you get the days right, but it will increase your chances.