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Aibu or just a crazy pregnant lady?

(7 Posts)
Celestae Mon 17-Feb-14 11:27:08

I wasn't sure where to put this thread but I guess here is the best place.

I am 32 weeks pregnant and I ink I'm becoming over protective over my 7 year old boy.

He has always gone to his daddies since he was a toddler ( when his dad and I split up) I've always actively encouraged contact with my ex despite the fact that his dad sees it as some kind of chore that he has to do.

He has never been the most active parent anyway, this is why it went tits up in the first place.

Every other weekend my little man goes off to daddies, more and more reluctantly as he gets older. Then comes home with tales of eating nothing but plain rice with some frozen veg mixed in it, and watching movie after movie and not actually going anywhere all weekend. He's more and more convinced that going to daddies is boring.

Not only that but he comes home and has to be bathed and all clothing even unworn ones and soft toys need washing because of the smell.

His dad's house looks like a shit tip, you can't see the floor and the kitchen you can't see the work surfaces for unclean ex's and old dishes, it's disgusting.

Every time he goes I get sad, I usually am found by my dp sitting in ds's room hugging his pillow and wishing it was time for him to come back to safety.

Non of this was a major problem I used to be able not to think too hard about it all but since I've been pregnant, it's almost like my mummy hormones have gone haywire.

I almost want my little one to say he doesn't want to go anymore, he came home a day early this weekend. But then I would feel like I was keeping him from having contact with his daddy.

What do i do?

icklekid Mon 17-Feb-14 11:40:24

If his dad thinks its a chore and your son doesn't want to go sounds like your more than reasonable to suggest maybe going down to monthly visits? If his dad objects then at least you have tried and perhaps he would appreciate it more and make it more fun if it was less regular?

Celestae Mon 17-Feb-14 11:45:19

You know, I've never thought about reducing the frequency of visits before, maybe this would work.

I have to think about how to talk to everyone about this.

Mummytobe2014 Mon 17-Feb-14 11:56:04

Reducing visit frequency is a good idea initially as then ur not taking away visits completely.
It maybe something the dad will agree to straight away with no fuss. Hope it goes well for you smile

Tomkat79 Mon 17-Feb-14 12:07:41

Apart from the house looking like a tip (as exh lives with his mum) I could've written this post.

My DS is 7 and am 30 weeks pregnant. I hate him going and like your DS he's not that bothered. They rarely do anything except watch cartoons.

Since he was 7 I gave him the option of how many nights he wants to go for and he chose 1 every other weekend. Ex wasn't too pleased but said that it was his choice. He also has open access any other time like school pick ups/park etc but chooses not to bother.

My DS considers my partner of 3 years as his dad to be honest. They get on so well. Being pregnant has reinforced my need to be altogether as a family I suppose and my ex doesn't feature in this anymore..,as harsh as this sounds. I'd never deny him contact with his dad but I wouldn't and don't encourage it either. He made his bed when he left us 5 years ago.

Celestae Mon 17-Feb-14 12:26:47

Oh tomkat!! I understand completely. My son also adores my partner and they get on so well... Even his my partners daughter is brilliant with him and he adores her too. It's such a good family dynamic, and the only thing that seems to make things difficult is ex partners.

I want my little guy to have a good relationship with his dad, but his dad doesn't really care that much.

My partner really would be mortified if his ex decided his daughter couldn't come to stay once every weekend but I guess not everyone thinks this way.

I've always strived to keep a good friendly relationship between his dad and I for his sake, but it gets harder and harder as he is quite rude and doesn't know how to say thank you. My partner has even given him a lift over to ours to see my son before now and all he could think to say was " there better be somewhere I can cook my dinner cuz I haven't eaten yet" my partner was livid as he's openly inviting him into his house to see his son.

Ugh sorry to go on... It's been weight heavy for months now

Celestae Mon 17-Feb-14 18:06:29

After talking to my mum and my partner, we have come up with a few ideas for a solution to is little problem. Or at least the start of working on a solution.

My mum suggested it was important to keep contact for ds's sake, which I agree is important. I think what I will do is suggest that every other time he sees daddy it's on a going out for the day basis then My ex will be more inclined to actually do something with him rather than just sit in the house.

Hopefully this will be an incentive for him to buck his ideas up and be more of a father to his only son. If he can comply to that then he can have his every other weekend two night stay back.

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