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Recent cot death in the family and now I am pregnant....

(12 Posts)
beansprout Tue 09-Mar-04 16:44:58

My sister in law lost her 17 day old daughter last week. The whole family is in pieces. I am 10 weeks but we haven't told anyone yet and now feel we can't/don't want to. The last thing we want to do is anything that could add to her grief and yet it feels like this would. Has anyone else dealt with similar, very difficult circumstances?

miranda2 Tue 09-Mar-04 16:47:08

OUch. Cant help as no experience, but my heart goes out to you all. Just when you want to be really excited, and should be able to be discussing births and clothes.... hugs and thoughts for all of you.

nutcracker Tue 09-Mar-04 16:48:28

Oh dear. What a terrible situation to be in. Have never experienced anything like this so can't really help. Hopefully someone will post who knows more than me.
Hope you all get through this o.k

spacemonkey Tue 09-Mar-04 16:49:41

How awful for you all - really sorry to hear this. No experience here either - my sister was having (unsuccessful) IVF treatment when both of my children were conceived and I found it incredibly difficult to tell her. Of course that's a very different situation to yours beansprout, but I can relate in some way to the difficulty you feel with telling the family under such circumstances. Hugs to you X

CountessDracula Tue 09-Mar-04 16:53:25

OMG beansprout what a dreadful situation. I can't think of anything useful to say - whatever you do it's going to be terribly difficult. Your poor SIL/Brother and family. And you xxx

Angeliz Tue 09-Mar-04 16:58:59

Oh how awful for you!
When i found out i was pregnant, a lovely guy i worked with and his wife had a miscarraige, i felt awful. (They'd been trying for ages).
He found out from someone else and sought ME out and gave me a huge cuddle!!

Your poor, poor sister in law+


Congratulations to you+

LIZS Tue 09-Mar-04 17:08:17

How terribly sad for you all . It is going to be really hard on you all but it would be best to take your time and tell them yourself before the rest of the family. It will be really difficult for you not to feel guilty and if they are distant following your announcement try not to take it personally.

I was in a similar position to Space Monkey but my SIL was so excited when I told her. They were my ds' visitors in hospital and they eventually adopted when my ds was 8 months old.

MadameBeetroot Tue 09-Mar-04 17:25:48

Message withdrawn

sb34 Tue 09-Mar-04 17:38:04

Message withdrawn

marthamoo Tue 09-Mar-04 18:01:19

How very, very sad about your niece (((hugs))) to you
I would leave it as long as possible to tell your brother and his wife - and I would tell them before anyone else.
Please still try and be happy about your pregnancy - I'm sure your sil and db will be too, in time, though it will be hard for all of you at first.
Take care xx

sweetkitty Tue 09-Mar-04 18:54:01

what a horrible situation to be in my heart goes out to all your family. I had a miscarriage in June and a few weeks later one woman in my team announced she was pregnant, we would have been due within 2 days of each other, I never told her about my miscarriage though and I was really happy for her but at the same time my thoughts went back to what if.....

I think you should wait maybe a month then tell your SIL in private. I hope it all works out for you.

beansprout Tue 09-Mar-04 20:15:40

Thanks so much everyone. I think I just need to leave it as long as possible before we tell anyone, and we have a few weeks yet. Thanks for the advice on telling her ourselves though and not leaving it for someone else, that does seem like the most respectful thing to do, even though it will be hard. It's still early days (this only happened last week) so there is time to think about it yet. Really appreciate all your comments and support xxxxx

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