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feeling weepy and I miss my family

(18 Posts)
HelenHen Tue 11-Feb-14 20:14:33

31 week's pg with dc2, ds is 19 months, I'm Irish living in England!

In laws still keep calling me mummy, despite my saying from the beginning that I'm mammy. I keep correcting them, they keep apologising but keep doing it! I've had it all day today... Do this for mummy blah blah blah. I don't want to keep correcting them and i know they don't do it out of badness but it's really starting to upset me now.

Mil had a run in with a Midwife when I had ds. It's completely out of character for her but annoyed me and today she was saying 'hope I don't run into that midwife again' which again annoyed me cos at the time I really felt like it wasn't her place.

Now all this is really making me wish I had some family here sad cos I'm starting to feel a bit alone and that nobody listens to me or respects me.

Doesn't help that dh is working away for a few nights and I've just found varicose veins. I know it's all hormones but just need some reassurance or something!

For the record, in laws are great and helpful but doesn't help right now!

Inglori0us Tue 11-Feb-14 20:25:17

Oh you poor thing. It's such an emotional nightmare at the best of times and the little things really do wind you up when you're pregnant. Remind yourself that ils mean well. Can they take your ds out or to their house for a bit so you can have a proper rest or do something relaxing?
I'm in a similar situation, 30 weeks with 22 month dd and my husband leaves to work abroad for a few days tomorrow.

sarahquilt Tue 11-Feb-14 20:26:59

I'm in the same boat - sending you a hug! Luckily my husband is Irish and we are both adamant that we'll be mammy and daddy - none of this mummy business. We are hoping to return home in 2015. I miss people at home too.

Morien Tue 11-Feb-14 20:27:05

I don't know that I can reassure you, but I can tell you you're not the only one! I'm British but we live in DH's country and I'm really missing my family (I'm 40+2). I feel bad for DH (though he doesn't seem to mind) as I'm going out of my way to avoid contact with his mum & sister at the moment because I'm sick of being lectured and spoken to like I'm a foreign idiot (it's DC1 for me, and MIL told me last week that I have no right to have any views on childbirth or looking after a baby as I've never done it before; apparently I should just listen to advice). Last time MIL came round I grabbed my coat and ran out of the back door just as she came in the front sad

To make matters worse, my DSis recently gave birth, and is getting all the lovely, gentle help and support I'd be getting from our DM too if I lived closer by...

Anyway, I kind of know how you feel, and I sympathise. When's your DH back?

HelenHen Tue 11-Feb-14 20:37:28

Oh thanks all smile it does help! Inglorious They actually had him today for a few hours! I dunno, I just feel that he's getting more and more English and there's not enough Irish influence in his life and he won't even know to call me mammy cos nobody else does! How terrible does that sound? They're getting more and more involved which, for the most part, is good... But sometimes for me it just emphasises how my family aren't involved. Sarah We'd love to move over too but dh has good job and we have House so it will be at least a few years if it ever happens! Oh Morien that sounds horrible sad will your family visit? He's back Thursday

WhiteWolf Tue 11-Feb-14 20:53:29

I totally understand you! I am on the same boat, only think that Ireland is not that far (I'm from Mexico). It's DC1 for me and recently found out that my sister who has a lovely beautiful 1 year old girl is pregnant again (one week behind me)! Meaning she gets all the family support, cars, nannies (it's affordable back there) and DM for the birth sad I feel a bit selfish to feel like this but can't help it.

Morien, maybe they are a bit annoying now, but they'll be there to support and help you out. Don't listen too much at the lectures, they probably just want to feel close to you as you are the person that has the future member of the family inside her smile

HelenHen Tue 11-Feb-14 21:29:32

Oh whitewolf Mexico's bloody far sad and I don't think it's wrong to feel how yours feeling. Do you have much support over here? since we've had ds our Irish trips are down to about two a year and that's ridiculous! My passport is also about to expire so I'll have to send off for as new one meaning I'll be without passport for about 6 week's which scares me!

I've just spoken to dh about all this. Typical man wants to fix everything instead of just agreeing with me and apologising whether he needs to or not grin . I've just drilled home all the points though and I think he gets it. I feel like I actually worded everything well for once instead of just being an irrational blubbering mess grin

BEEwitched Tue 11-Feb-14 21:44:49

Oh Helen, we can't have them trying to fix it, why can't they just nod and agree? DH doesn't get that, either, he's a problem solver....

I'm 25 weeks with ds1 and from Germany - DH's family isn't nearby either, he's mum is 2 hours away and his sis and dad live in England; we're in NI. It's been pretty tough and sometimes I've been all over the place. It doesn't help that I'm really craving all sorts of homey foods not available here. And since I've been off work for several months now because of complications and we've just moved house I haven't even had my nice colleagues around and don't know the neighbours... I just feel a bit stupid and lonely.

At least my best friend is coming over for 10 days at the end of March, I can't wait!

HelenHen Tue 11-Feb-14 22:01:40

Lol I know... Dh tries to explain everything from a rational point of view... But I'm not rational, I'm pregnant, fuck off grin

Oh no beewitched sad can somebody post you a box of homey foods? My family keep sending me sausages but I have gallstones so can't even eat them... We now have a freezer full of Irish sausages and white pudding lol. Hopefully you can meet people when you have baby? That's a horrible situation!

livingzuid Tue 11-Feb-14 22:14:15

I'm the same, so homesick sometimes. I live in the Netherlands and it is lovely but not speaking dutch is frustrating even though all my appointments are in English. It's so foreign. And I feel sad that none of my family are in easy reach given they are all in the UK. Pil are lovely and very hands off but even so there is still the odd comment that makes me angry with pg hormones it doesn't help!

HelenHen Tue 11-Feb-14 22:22:55

It really doesn't! I feel like I'm always having a go about in laws. Really I think I'm a bit jealous that his family's here and mine aren't. And obviously he gets defensive of them sometimes and that makes me feel more alone! His mom said before that I'm like a daughter to her and even that made me angry cos I didn't ask for another mom grin what the hell's wrong with me?

Ffs I just cried cos I saw the trailer for about time! Bedtime for me I reckon grin . Thank you all though, you've helped smile x

BonaDrag Tue 11-Feb-14 22:27:03

I'm Irish living in England and I know just how you feel. It was really suck being far from loved ones xxx

Cariad007 Tue 11-Feb-14 23:26:06

I know the feeling - I'm from Australia so it's been hard going through this pregnancy with no family nearby, although having said that my mum would've probably bothered me to death by now! Fortunately the inlaws are fine - not the interfering type at all. In fact they're so hands off that I think we are going to have to remind them that they have a grandchild, whereas with my family they'd be over all the time and helping with childcare etc.

Morien Wed 12-Feb-14 10:04:52

Nearly Thursday, Helenhen!

My mum and stepdad are going to come over for a few days soon after the baby's born, which will be good. But I do envy my sister a bit - she can pop into our mum's for dinner whenever she likes...

I've got possibly the worst of both worlds with my in laws - lots of interference and unwanted advice...but I know they won't help once the baby's here (though they'll continue to tell me I'm doing it wrong). PIL already have 6 GC aged 3-17, including my 3 wonderful DSCs (9, 5, 3), and they're just not interested in playing a grandparent role; it's not likely to change with my DC. I just wish it were my family round the corner, not DH's!

HelenHen Wed 12-Feb-14 12:23:26

Aww sad at least mil won't gimme any unwanted advice, but she often ignores a lot of stuff I ask her to do, like not letting him play with remote controls, keys, phones, etc. It drives me mad.

Dh isn't gonna be Home til Friday now but I'm feeling a tiny bit better today! Just had some friends over which helps!

WannaBeAMommy Wed 12-Feb-14 13:36:00

HelenHen, I understand your pain, Im going to be a mammy but im among the dubs and its ma and da, I dont mind it but my choice would be Mammy or Daddy haha, I love the inlaws dont get me wrong but drama drama drama at times haha the girls all hate each other yet im good with them all just there constant bitching about each other drives me insane so ive started to avoid them all. I want my family around too but then will it be the same thing but with a different family haha

Whitewolf I know how you feel, Ive wanted a baby for months now and when I was trying to concieve one sister got pregnant, we dont really get on so she doesnt bother me that much, we both are living away from home, but my lil sister who has had the first grandchild for my parents has just recently told me that she too is pregnant and two weeks after me, Its mean and horrible to say but this is my first child and her second so if I go late and she goes early then the chances of having our babies around the same time is high, which will mean ill be all alone because all the family live around her and im away from home, I know im been selfish but I cant help it

sambababy Wed 12-Feb-14 16:23:57

I totally understand helen. I'm English living in DH's country brazil. So I 2nd whitewolf in that it could be worse, you're not too far, but I know it doesn't make it any easier. My DSis is in Manchester and our DM down South, and even she finds it hard sometimes.

I think it's so important to keep a bit of your culture present for your children. I fully intend to be called mummy not the bunged-up nasal sounding version they have in Portuguese, and intend to correct people every time with no guilt!

I really miss my family. I would trust them more with DC than my ILs (who recently separated so it's awkward, MIL is super clingy now, understandably) and I could be blunt with them too if needed. But we have to make the best of our situations don't we. And thank the lord for Skype!!!

HelenHen Wed 12-Feb-14 18:44:54

I think I'm gonna have to do the thing and start seeking out other Irish people and centres and groups and stuff... Even if it's only every few months at the mo. I even feel the urge to go to mass lol and I'm only a teeny bit religious! Just cos I know there'll be Irish there even though they'll be old probably! Otherwise it's gonna be tough to keep them in the culture if it's just me influencing it. I know I'm their mammy but that means they will rebel against me at some point! grin

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