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Wish we hadn't told them the name..

(31 Posts)
AlwaysDancing1234 Sun 09-Feb-14 06:33:07

After 20 week scan we told our 6 year old DS that he is having a little sister and we chose a name together, I know some people say it's too early but it helps to give our baby an identity and name, it has certainly made it more 'real' for our DS. Anyway we agreed we would just keep the name between us and told all our parents it's a girl but we would share her name when she is born.
Over at in laws yesterday and they outright asked DS "what's the baby's name then" (even though we had asked them not to do this) and DS just told them. They were like "oh right, hmm" and apparently don't like it. Just disappointed they have just made us feel like the name is crap now.
I think it's partly because DD names come from my Grandparents side. (DS names come from DH side so we thought only fair DD names from my side, will mean a lot to my grandparents and parents).
For what it's worth they are nice, 'normal' names and not too old fashioned or daft or anything.
I wish the in laws had just kept their mouths shut and not made us feel bad about it sad

Chottie Sun 09-Feb-14 06:36:46

Please ignore your ILs. It's your baby and you and DP have chosen a name for your baby which is special to you. It is NOTB what you call your baby.

p.s. congratulations smile

KepekCrumbs Sun 09-Feb-14 06:38:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gamerchick Sun 09-Feb-14 06:38:09

It's nothing about the name... just where it's came from. Don't let it upset you.. family's are weird when it comes to naming descendants and they don't get the final say.

Well they've had their turn.. its your turn now.

Mumof3xx Sun 09-Feb-14 06:59:48

Just ignore it

People always want input with names I find wether it's a family connection or one they suggest

It's not their baby
It's not their choice

AlwaysDancing1234 Sun 09-Feb-14 07:28:03

Thanks everyone. I know I should just ignore them but it's just taken the shine off things a bit if you know what I mean.
We were on such a high after the scan and it feels a bit like they have rained on our parade.
It also saddens me as I thought they would appreciate the fact that the names are after my Grandmother (first name) and Step-Gran (middle name) who passed away last year so both have a special meaning to us.
I guess I'm just out of practice with the "smile and ignore" response, I had almost forgotten EVERYONE has an oppinion and thinks they know best when it comes to pregnancy/birth/babies!!!

LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName Sun 09-Feb-14 07:32:31

Don't let them make you feel this way. Not everyone is gonna like everything you do.

My kids both have names relating to my family and one has a name relating to dh family. So what our choice for every good reasons.

ThursdayLast Sun 09-Feb-14 07:36:38

I know exactly what you mean, my mum did the same to me, luckily it was with a girls name and we didn't know the sex. I had a boy grin
I really don't get why people are so crazy tactless about names, it's so selfish.
If I were you I'd pretend I'd changed my mind, but not tell them the 'new' option, and then just name the baby as originally intended.
Nobody cares when they actually see the baby with the name.
And congrats thanks

AlwaysDancing1234 Sun 09-Feb-14 07:41:58

They were also so desperate for us to have a girl after only having sons and grandsons I thought they would just be happy we have them a granddaughter rather than passing judgement on her name!

Writerwannabe83 Sun 09-Feb-14 09:16:16

My MIL came to our gender scan where we were told we were having a boy. In the car on the way back we told her what we would have named the baby if it was a girl, a name me and DH really liked, and the look on MIL's face was crushing. She outrightly told us she didn't think much of it hmm Even though I knew it was a non-issue seeing as weren't having a girl it still made me sad.

Our little boy is due in 6 weeks and me and DH have finally come up with a name for him but we have learnt our lesson and our keeping it to ourselves grin MIL asks me all the time if 'baby has a name yet' so I just tell her no and change the subject!

greentshirt Sun 09-Feb-14 09:29:09

We are keeping our name to ourselves too. My MIL knew someone about 30 years ago who had the name we are using and had to change it because he got bullied at school. It's absolutely not that sort of a name now and we aren't worried about using it but if she's told me that story once she's told me a thousand times! She will be mortified when she finds out lol. Well, either mortified or make a show saying she doesn't like it!

Blu Sun 09-Feb-14 09:47:55

So you asked them not to ask your Ds outright, and then they didn't even have the normal polite response of 'ooh, lovely'?

Horrible response.

Next time they ask you something say 'After last time? No sorry, I''s no fun sharing news with you so we'll keep it to ourselves, thanks!"

AlwaysDancing1234 Sun 09-Feb-14 10:13:57

We weren't going to tell anyone and tried not to make a big deal out of it but every time we see them MIL in particular asked "any names yet" and kept giving her suggestions. I made an effort to smile politely at her hypothetical names (knowing full well we wouldn't choose them!) so why can't they do the same for us grrrrr!

FredFlintstonesSister Sun 09-Feb-14 11:41:25

My parents asked us if we'd thought of any names yet at about 30 weeks (they already new the sex). I hadn't expected them to ask so hadnt prepped my husband to say not really. Instead he blurted out " well, we had thought about X". At this point the name was just one on a list of about eight but was my favourite. It's a perfectly acceptable name - a little bit geeky, but so are we - but my dad goes " oh my god, you can't call a baby that!". I'm now 38 weeks and we have decided that X is definitely going to be the name and to hell with what he thinks! After a few days, it will just be her name and everyone will be used to it!

Blondebrunette1 Sun 09-Feb-14 12:16:25

I am more than prepared this time for tactless and unkind comments-not that we have had many but with the ones we did before I smiled politely and was super pleasant despite the fact I felt like they actually thought their opinion counted for more than ours and like they were doing us a favour putting us off a name. Your baby, your choice and I have also met many children named names I thought were hideous(but id NEVER say out loud unless to my husband) and they completely changed my mind, a child makes a name in my opinion. Don't be disheartened. I had thought we'd use my grandfathers name (he died fairly young and my nan is to this day heartbroken) for another boy but I spoke to my Nan after her friend named her dog the name (bit off to me as it was a gd friend of hers) & she said she found it hard hearing it and I don't want to ask her if she'd feel the same if it was her great grandchilds name but I'm glad I found out about the dog as I'd never considered this might be painful to her.

hubbahubster Sun 09-Feb-14 12:55:35

Do they know the reason behind your choice? Make sure they do and tell them how upset you are that they're dishonouring your dear departed relatives. I think they way they've behaved is disgusting - even if they don't like the names, they can just be polite. They're adults FFS!

Rosieliveson Sun 09-Feb-14 13:05:51

To be honest, people like that aren't always more polite once baby is born anyway! DS middle name (a generational name from my side) was met with pursed lips and a sigh from MIL and sheer, open mouthed horror from DH's aunt. I would have liked to be more offended but it was such a ridiculous response that I just laughed at them!! smile

Your baby's name will be special to you. Screw what anyone else thinks!!

AlwaysDancing1234 Sun 09-Feb-14 15:15:46

hubba yes they do know the reason behind both names and were still a bit "oh...yeah....right" about it.
Decided not to give it any more of my thinking time! It's not their child, not their choice so sod it they will just have to get used to it!

AlwaysDancing1234 Sun 09-Feb-14 15:16:30

Thanks to everyone for the replies, you cheered me right up thanks

purplebaubles Sun 09-Feb-14 15:24:51

We called our DD 'Name, Middle Name, My Maiden Name, his surname' (if that makes sense!)

Was before I had married now DH.

MIL actually said WTF are you doing calling giving her your maiden name, she's clearly 'his surname' now and nothing to do with your side of the family. She had a massive strop and said I was offending HER family name.

Yes sigh Just another reason why I don't get on at all with the MIL!

Plus, she insists on spelling DD's first name incorrectly - even after a year.

Some people are just ignorant - ignore!

AlwaysDancing1234 Sun 09-Feb-14 15:26:50

purplebaubles blimey your MIL sounds a nightmare! Your name choice makes perfect sense to me! And still spelling the name wrong after a year is bloody ridiculous too

22honey Sun 09-Feb-14 16:04:45

Ignore them, its nothing to do with the IL's its your baby. I feel for you, my IL's particularly MIL are a nightmare aswell.

CarolineKnappShappey Sun 09-Feb-14 16:12:50

My MIL was so vile about DS2's name that we changed it. It was just after he was born, and I was extremely tired and hormonal.

She should have kept her mouth shut, she hated our second choice even more. But by the time we told her O was so much stronger and able to resist

BabyMummy29 Sun 09-Feb-14 16:18:29

I would ignore them. They chose what they thought were suitable names for their DCs so why can't they leave you to do the same.

And it was very sneaky to ask your DS

Stick with the names you like

AlwaysDancing1234 Sun 09-Feb-14 16:19:13

Thanks 22honey I have resolved to just ignore now!
Caroline that's awful that you felt you had to change the name because your MIL threw a tantrum.
I'm temped to tell MIL we have changed baby's name to Princess Pinky Tinkerbell or something else ridiculous to teach her a lesson grin
I just wish people would learn to keep their opinions to themselves. Also the same cats bum face when we were talking about buggies/cots etc. anything over £50 = ridiculous and extravagant apparently but that's a whole other thread!!

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