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Have you ever had parenting conflicts with friends

(10 Posts)
SweetPea86 Wed 05-Feb-14 16:49:22

I'm pregnant with my first and before any one says any thing I know it's going to be the most challenging time of my life. I know it's not going to be easy AT all. Being a parent is something I've thought about for years.

My friend has two children she's a fab mum and I love her to bits. I would never say any thing to her but her 3 year old lives of macdonalds and sweets and choclate. Her children are spoilt rotton and he tells her what he wants and she jumps.

Now again untill I'm in this position I don't know how hard it is.

But me and my friend have battled with out weight for years.

I love cooking homemade meals it's easier than driving to a drive thru in the cold.

Yesterday when I told her I was going to give breastfeeding a go she said you will be a slave to the baby. Which kind of made me bite my lip when she will go out in the freezing cold to get him fast food. Rather than cook summit in house. (I never said any thing)

We were just talking about after I breast feed once he can eat solids etc and I said I can't wait till I can cook nice homem made food for us all. And I said I don't want him to get bad habits like me with weight issues and takeaways. I think she took it as a person dig but I honestly didn't mean it like that I just want my son to have the healthiest start in life.

I got annoyed because I have NEVER said any thing to her about how she brings her children up yet she felt it was ok to tell me I will be a slave breastfeeding.

Has any one else found this with friends clashing over things.

Is there things your friends do that you wouldn't.

Charingcrossbun Wed 05-Feb-14 16:57:13

There is a really good quote I heard recently about advice being a form of love and nostalgia and really a reflection of the person giving it and nothing to do with those who have to listen to it! This really helped me when friends, family, colleagues and strangers were giving me advice over pregnancy and baby things.
My advice would be to ignore it. We all have our own ideas about how we are going to raise our families and I think sometimes it is most helpful not to share these with others. Makes it easier to nod and listen to advice you are going to ignore!

greentshirt Wed 05-Feb-14 16:58:48

Yeah loads that I think I wouldn't but can't judge until you are in the same position.

One of my friends said this week she thought breast feeding was disgusting and nonsense and you would never catch her doing it. I just smiled and nodded, nothing to do with me what she would do and vice versa.

There's a lot of smiling and nodding to be done during pregnancy I'm finding!!

Rockchick1984 Wed 05-Feb-14 17:17:47

I can see it from both sides to be honest - it's very easy to be idealistic while pregnant, and there's tons of things I thought I would/wouldn't do that have changed entirely since actually raising a child, and it does amuse me hearing some things that first time mums say or mums of babies say they would/wouldn't do with a toddler!

However, you are perfectly entitled to have your opinions, and there will be aspects of parenting that you will stick to your guns on - she can only comment on what has worked for her, I certainly have things I won't budge on despite knowing it could be more convenient for me to do at the time.

No family parents exactly the same as another, just smile and nod and ignore. Not worth falling out over!

prettywhiteguitar Wed 05-Feb-14 18:22:46

Yes !! You will probably never find a friend that you agree with about parenting 100% or even 50% but you never say anything at all ;)

jimijack Wed 05-Feb-14 18:34:13

Oh golly yes.
But it's an unspoken rule that you keep your opinions to yourself.

There is one particular friend who drives me mad with her attitude towards her children's health.(She is ott & often demands specialized interventions for very minor ailments)
But I absolutely love her & her kids and would be mortified if I offended or upset her in any way.
So smile, listen like a good friend and say nowt.

darkdays Wed 05-Feb-14 18:34:15

I have a friend who sounds similar to your friend. Before I started weaning the twins she tried to give them a MacDonald.chip to suck on. I had to stop her, on subsequent visits to her house she tried to feed them doughnuts and cake and crisps and still tried. I always have to stop her despite her knowing my feelings on such things. It has been difficult but finally she has stopped calling me mean and accepted how I wish to do things. It can be rather fraught with friends. Love her to bits though. Just stand your ground if we all did the same it would be a dull world.

Mumof3xx Wed 05-Feb-14 18:36:36

I drifted away from a friend after we both had dc

She seperated from the birth father and refused all contact, took up with a new fella and instantly he was new daddy and she added his name to the birth certificate

She took funnies when I pointed out her dc shoukd really know where he comes from

Writerwannabe83 Wed 05-Feb-14 18:42:10

Oh god yes!!!! My best friend had a baby 9 months ago and there have been a few occasions where I've had to bite my tongue!

The latest was when she came round yesterday to see my Nursery. She warmed up her baby's bottle and then asked if she could have a cushion and asked where should she could leave the baby. I was completely confused but she explained that she "never bothers" holding the baby anymore when he feeds and just puts him on his back on a cushion and leaves him to it. She said it gives her a chance to get things done around the house. I understand her last sentiment but the thought of her just leaving him in my living room unattended, lying on his back with a bottle in his mouth left me a bit speechless. I said we could go look at the Nursery after he'd had his bottle, there was no rush etc - but she was adamant he'd be fine on his own. I told her in the end I didn't feel comfortable with that and it got a bit awkward. Whoops.

Just one example of many though - I'm sure there'll be more in the future too, probably her feeling 'odd' about things I may choose to do smile

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Wed 05-Feb-14 18:45:16

I have a lovely friend who is organic free range natural child-led everything. Can't say no to her dc's, can't inhibit their exuberance or creativity. Can't bear to deny them their freedom of expression, etc.

Hasn't had a decent nights sleep in years because she can't get them to sleep in their own beds. Can't take them to restaurants because they run amok. Tried to tell their teacher what they would like to learn in school. She's lovely but my god do I have to hold my tongue.

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