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Second hand stuff? any etiquette?

(19 Posts)
frannie2013 Wed 05-Feb-14 13:31:46

HI All
I'm only 10 weeks or so but thinking about what things we might need to get.
we are hoping (but not relying on) that we will be offered stuff from friends who are all done with babies (we are later than most of our friends and family) to keep down on costs.
my best mate has said several times that she has things in the attic from her three for me, my sister has just had her first for example, and loads of clothes seem to go round and round and round!!
I was just wondering if there was any etiquette - i'm not planning on asking for anything but if people offer?? i.e. do you take it all?! pay for it?! i don't know!
i know that some things - car seats, mattress - should be bought new, which is fine and i'm sure (ha - KNOW!) that there are some thing that I'll want to buy anyway!
just wondered if you had any ideas?
(I'm off sick from work at the moment so spending hours looking at things on line and thinking about things!!)
thanks xx

misscph1973 Wed 05-Feb-14 13:38:17

I think it depends. I happily accept things from family but with friends I often give them a bottle of wine or something. Some of my family/friends asked me to return the things when I was done with it unless it was in pieces of course), as they were planning more babies ;)

I happily give things away myself that I don't want to sell on ebay, and I never expect anything in return, but once I got a department store voucher from a friend and her sister, and that was lovely. I had given them a silly amount of hardly used childrens clothes as I had a real shopping problem with my first ;)

puddleduck16 Wed 05-Feb-14 13:53:38

I would agree with above. Some people have said I'll sell you this for x amount. Other people have just given it to me, in which case I've gotten wine, a voucher or a present for their kids in return for them.

Take as much as you can get, as even then the money you'll spend can fair rack up!!!!!!

AlwaysDancing1234 Wed 05-Feb-14 13:58:34

My cousin had a baby a couple if months before we did so happily passed on a lot of stuff for us and we gave it back when we had finished with it! We are very close though.
A few friends have given or loaned us things, just have a quick chat with them to see if they actually want it back at the end (a couple said not to worry) and I have always said "can I give you something for it".
One gave us a large item which cost quite a bit so I bought her some John Lewis vouchers to say thanks.
Just make sure you have dialogue so there is no misunderstanding.
Enjoy your pregnancy and congratulations!

Writerwannabe83 Wed 05-Feb-14 14:03:53

I've had a lot of 2nd hand clothes given to me as my best friend had a baby 9 months ago, but everything else we have bought new.

Oh, except our pram/travel system, I got that 2nd hand off eBay, got myself a right bargain smile

TrollopeDollope Wed 05-Feb-14 14:10:14

You will find that in general people are desperate to get rid of any of their clutter that they can reasonably get rid of. When I was first pregnant I thought everyone was terribly generous, then I quickly turned into the one being jolly keen to give stuff away grin. Just be clear on what basis they are giving it.

bakingfiend Wed 05-Feb-14 14:13:23

Just remember that you are saving somebody a trip to take bags and bags of stuff to the charity shop/giving them back some storage space - it is great for both the giver and the recipient!

Rockchick1984 Wed 05-Feb-14 14:19:01

Definitely check if things are being loaned or given - personally I wouldn't accept clothing if the giver wanted it back as its easy for things to get ruined, and I find it difficult to remember who gave us what so would hate to mess up!

jen2014 Wed 05-Feb-14 14:20:51

Accept everything that's offered, (except, car seats etc) even if you think you don't like it. We were given 8(!) bin bags full of clothes from emigrating friends for our little boy from 0 months to 4 years. I went through them and charity shopped quite a bit of stuff which was not to my taste even though the clothes were in good condition. Really regret that as right now I'm potty training 2yr old DS and would give anything for more pairs of trousers regardless of what motif they had on them! You can always freecycle stuff later if you don't end up using it.
Our standard response is (regardless of the item) - how much can we pay you for it? Usually friends then say no don't worry, or how about x amount. Everyone knows where they stand then.
We were loaned a walker for about 5 months: gave them an Odeon voucher and promise of night's babysitting to say thanks.
Bought a second hand train set for probably about 1/3 of the original cost
Given a crib for next child - will put together a 2 bottle wine and chocolates basket for them.
Given whole bunch of maternity clothes - thanked with a bottle of liqueur.
Given a 3rd hand cupboard and chest of drawers - they asked if we could drive them to ikea to get a wardrobe in return.
Consider the value of the item and make an appropriate gesture in return. Our friends have probably saved us about £700 all in all, very lucky.

greentshirt Wed 05-Feb-14 15:54:37

Just to add a 2 nod hand car seat is find if you know it's history and can save you a fortune. My sister had an accident in her car in sept and had to get a new pebble for her son, he's already grown out of it so that's coming my way! She has offered me absolutely loads of stuff, the way we have worked it is that anything she could have got any real money selling I am giving her something for, the rest she's happy to have off her hands. We struck a deal for £100 for the pebble, isofix base and a jumperoo. Maybe more that she could have got selling herself but she's given me loads of other stuff too so seemed reasonable.

SweetPea86 Wed 05-Feb-14 16:06:27

The things I bought seem tiny to the things people have bought me new. My friend who has two children said she had lots for me which I was chuffed about, now she mentioned the other day she's making me a hamper off all new things I feel bad as I was happy to take used things. But I daren't ask just incase she wants to keep them.

Girls from work spend a fortunes on all new stuff and clothes and my crazy mother in law has bought heaps.

Still got 10 weeks to go and the baby's got more clothes than my hubby and I lol.

I'm the same as you not sure on asking them for it.

To cut costs have a look in charity shops for baby clothes they will be clean and perfect condition. The shops only take in good clothes. I garentee you tho you won't have to ask you will be given heaps of stuff.

Rootvegetables Wed 05-Feb-14 16:12:34

I'm pregnant again now and am not taking anything people want back as it's really stressful, I ended up keeping it all in bags washing it then returning it at the right time, stuff people just want rid of I gladly accepted but you do get some strange things, I always said I'd go through it but was going to donate any extras doubles to a shelter so should I return or did they want rid of it. They usually didn't want it back then I felt like it was truly mine! I loaned loads of stuff after and doubt il get any if it back for this very reason, but il be glad if I do, so when you're done don't give anything special away.

princesscupcakemummyb Wed 05-Feb-14 16:20:51

personally never taken anything from friends etc but we never had babies at the same time though ive given baby clothes away and sold on the things that cost me the most money id greatfuly accept what friends give you and just give them a thank you gift honestly ebay is fab for used baby stuff and half the price of new

JassyRadlett Wed 05-Feb-14 16:28:12

People love to give stuff - often they've been given or loaned things themselves, so it's nice to pay it forward. And for some people it's an opportunity not to have to store the bloody stuff, particularly in between children.

Agree that if someone offers you something, be crystal clear on what they want done with it after you finish with it.

And if they give it to you in a box with instructions and make it clear they want it back, keep the bloody box and the instructions. I am currrently in the process of frantically loaning a Fisher Price swing to as many people as I can manage, one after the other, because of a woman who chucked away the box I had carefully handed it over in. I wouldn't be nearly so bothered if I could easily chuck it in the loft instead.

My principle is that if people have loaned you things, they should get them back in a way that causes them zero hassle, because they've saved you both hassle and money.

Nesswalk Wed 05-Feb-14 16:50:39

My brother and his wife had twins a few years ago and definately won't be having any more, they have very generously offered us system, cot bed, bouncy chair, play pens, everything you could think off. They don't want paid so we are buying them a voucher for an night on a fancy hotel, we felt it was the least we could do given they are saving us a small fortune.

hubbahubster Wed 05-Feb-14 16:53:21

I figure what goes around, comes around. I'm happy to accept stuff in the knowledge that I'll be passing it all on again!

frannie2013 Wed 05-Feb-14 17:35:21

thats really useful - thanks. lots to think about - especially about if anyone wants something back... that is likely to get really complicated! - and I think vouchers - or wine wine - will be exchanged!! i like the 'pay it forward' concept. (my SIL accepted toys for her DC from her cousin and immediately put them on ebay and kept the money, didn't tell her cousin but she found out somehow. needless to say... it didn't go down well, unsurprisingly!!!! she still isn't really sure why though!!)

Inglori0us Wed 05-Feb-14 22:45:46

A friend lent me a huge amount of baby clothes and she marked the labels with a permanent marker if she wanted it back. That made it easy. I now do the same.

frannie2013 Thu 06-Feb-14 11:56:19

oooh thats helpful Inglori0us. thanks!

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