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S**ting myself for the 12 week scan - scared there will only be one...or none!

(20 Posts)
twinnymumstephanie Tue 04-Feb-14 02:16:05

Awh I'm freaking about about my 12 week scan in a couple of weeks, had the appointment letter through the door today.

I was told at almost 7 weeks (early scan due to bleeding) that I was having twins. Overjoyed. But I've been reading everything and anything on the internet about twins and have discoverd Vanishing Twin sydrome where you're told early that it's twins but when you go back only one is there! I'm just dreading the scan in case this happens when it should be what I'm most looking forward to.

Any advice would be so appreciated right now.

TheZeeTeam Tue 04-Feb-14 02:23:53

I had this and there was only one at the 12 week scan. I was still overyjoyed! I am quite a pragmatist and kind of thought, at least I still have him.

It's not worth worrying about tbh. If you get two, yay! If you get one, yay!

Shropshiremummy2B Tue 04-Feb-14 02:25:13

No advice but had a little weep when I saw your post.

I remember my twelve week scan like it was yesterday, I remember exactly what I was wearing too.

I remember sobbing from the moment I woke up to the moment we went into the room. The sonographers started to take my details but soon realised I was so petrified there was nothing in there that she's do the paperwork afterwards.

My point being I didn't (and apart from a bump still don't) have a single symptom. I'd convince myself there was nothing there and 6 pregnancy tests were wrong. I am 40+3 and being induced tomorrow (can't sleep!) and know how you're feeling and can't wait to do it all again.

Relax, it will be all be fine x

twinnymumstephanie Tue 04-Feb-14 02:35:20

TheZeeTeam, the reason I worry is that my partner who was there with my saw it was twins and was much happier about the pregnancy due to that. My mum also knows it was said to be twins, as do a couple of friends. We've kept the pregnancy on the DL cos of miscarriage risk and also getting used to the idea ourselves but I would still feel like it would be disappointing to them :/

I was told that my twins had heartbeats, individual sacs and placentas which I was advised was the "safest" form of twin pregnancy. Was this the case with you as well?

I'll be absolutely overjoyed with one. I got used to the idea of even being pregnant just assuming it was only one.

Shropshiremummy28, I've worried about symptoms as well. Not that I haven't had any but just that they've changed drastically since the last scan. I used to be eating everything in sight but now most foods make me nauseous! It's difficult to find things I actually want to eat and like the taste of now, whereas before I'd have probably eaten dog food if it was to hand!

I'm so happy that your pregnancy worked out for you, though, congratulations smile

TheZeeTeam Tue 04-Feb-14 02:44:04

I don't know. It was 13 years ago. All I know is that at 8 weeks we had two babies and by 12 weeks, we had one. Sometimes I read MN and feel as if I'm a freak. I didn't really grieve for the lost twin, I was just happy for the surviving one. He's now about to turn 13 and I never think of what might have been. This is just what it is.

twinnymumstephanie Tue 04-Feb-14 02:57:30

TheZeeTeam, no, you're not a freak at all. This is just because I'm in the unknown stage, I don't work very well with being in the dark. I don't think I would "grieve" for a baby that never came to be because I know these things happen for a reason (got to believe everything does in this life). It's just the not knowing and wondering how everyone else will react.

Being able to accept it is a great thing. I've seen people go completely the the other way. My ex's mum kept the remains of a...I'm going to say foetus that she lost in a plant pot in the kitchen. Her children called the plant by the name she chose for the baby.

bakingtins Tue 04-Feb-14 07:25:23

You don't know how you would grieve for a baby until you lose one. Let's hope you get good news at your 12 week scan. A bit more compassion for women who didn't would not go amiss though.

Expectingtwins1975 Tue 04-Feb-14 08:24:10

OP it's totally normal to worry about this - I was exactly the same - found out it was twins at 8 weeks then spent the rest of the time worrying - 1. about keeping a hold of both of them and 2. How I was going to cope with 2 babies. I'm currently 19 weeks and still worry about this (although to a much lesser extent than in the early days).

I was much happier before I discovered vanishing twin syndrome - google has a lot to answer for.

Best wishes for the remainder of your pregnancy

AHardDaysWrite Tue 04-Feb-14 08:30:18

Op, walk a mile in her shoes before you judge (and yes, you're judging - that plant pot anecdote is very sneery). You have no idea how you'll deal with pregnancy loss if you haven't experienced it.

I really hope your scan goes well.

MrsWolowitz Tue 04-Feb-14 08:39:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Heatherbell1978 Tue 04-Feb-14 09:01:44

Hope everything goes well for you twinnymum. I have my scan today and I'm so nervous too. Had a m/c in November so last time I had a scan it wasn't good news:-( I've had a lot of symptoms since 5 weeks this time around so no reason to think this one won't go well but doesn't stop you worrying. I keep telling myself that what will be will be x

squizita Tue 04-Feb-14 09:08:56

I hope your scan goes well. But spare a thought for those of us who have lost pregnancies. Hearing someone's grief mocked as unhealthy on a forum (ironically by someone scared of similar happening to them) is like a slap in the face.

I have a scan today, after 3 losses. The fact I'm at work today not a shattered wreck stands for my pragmatic attitude. Whatever happens today I will still grieve my losses as I see fit.

eurochick Tue 04-Feb-14 10:40:27

I agree. I hope your scan goes well but mocking those who have been unfortunate enough to lose pregnancies is pretty damned low.

ChicaMomma Tue 04-Feb-14 11:20:03

FTR i dont 'get' that the OP is sneering at all, in her plant pot anecdote. She's merely recounting the facts of that incident. My mother said she was like this too, she had 2 miscarriages between me and my sister (apparently i was there for both of them) and in her words 'flushed them down the toilet and moved on'. I dont think i'd be able to be that pragmatic about it (infac ti know i wouldn't, i'd be devastated), but i dont see why people are berating Stephanie for that..? maybe you are all a little too sensitive today. It is a sensitive subject though obviously

Best of luck OP with the scan, the odds are in your favour so that's something. If you lose one of them, i hope you can find the strength to move on and enjoy the rest of the pregnancy nevertheless. it really is impossible to know how you will fill until it happens, i guess.

CherryPie3 Tue 04-Feb-14 11:28:58

ChicaMomma - I totally agree with you.

As someone who has suffered a mc myself, I didn't find the op to be 'sneery' at all. Merely mentioning how someone else dealt with their loss.

I barely grieved for my lost little one, I cried at the scan that confirmed it and moved right on. I am a firm believer of everything happens for a reason, this is not saying I do not understand how devastating a mc is, because I do. But I am an optimist through and through.

I hope your scan today brings great news OP!! smile

twinnymumstephanie Tue 04-Feb-14 11:38:43

bakingtins, where exactly did I say that I HADN'T lost a baby? I have lost TWO in fact on separate occasions so gathering all the facts before you make your judgements wouldn't go amiss either.

And AHardDaysWrite, that goes for you as well. Squizita, you were less assuming but still assumed I hadn't lost a child. I have. And you and eurochick, also assumed I was mocking her grief, I wasn't. I was merely pointing out the stark difference between her and the ZeeTeam's way of coping.

I happen to love my ex's mother dearly still but she was not able to accept when she had a miscarriage. I don't believe it's right to involve children in that kind of grief and she was perfectly happy for her children to go around calling the plant by a female name and those children knew what was in there. She also put up a very graphic picture of another child she lost in the living room for everyone to see, including the children. Her children were 4, 7 and 8 when I met them so it's not like they could fully grasp the situation. They even went to school and told their friends about it, which was met with confusion and sometimes bullying. I had to comfort one of them when she lost another child as she thought the baby would be crying in heaven and needing a bottle. You should protect your children from grief and she knew that she would most likely miscarry that child yet chose to inform her young children anyway and put them through that grief alongside her. My ex also had to watch her physically go through a miscarriage on a number of occasions and it mentally scarred him, which showed throughout our relationship AND when I had miscarriages too. Also, she was less than sympathetic when it happened to me, as if the attention had been taken away from her somehow.

I don't have a problem with how someone grieves in private but don't pull innocent children in on it because you want people to grieve with you.

I hope that makes everything a little clearer for everyone.

And thank you to those who have wished me luck.

twinnymumstephanie Tue 04-Feb-14 11:44:12

ChicaMomma and CherryPie3, thank you. I'm glad there are still some people who actually read what is written instead of making assumptions in their own heads.

The reason I did not expand on the comment about my ex's mum was because this thread really isn't about her situation and also I was merely comparing, trying to show TheZeeTeam both sides of the coin. But since so many have been up in arms about, I expressed my exact opinion on exactly how my ex's mum handled it, which is not about her personal grief (which a right she has and always should) but the way she allowed it to affect her children, which I witnessed countless times and saw the fall out of.

dats Tue 04-Feb-14 12:41:52

The old scan doom is so awful and regardless of the outcome it hadn't really occurred to me until now that you have double the worries of someone who already knows they are preg with a singleton! That sounds so obvious now I write it down.

Despite your fears, you sound pretty pragmatic to me and whatever happens, that will stand you in good stead. The only thing I would say is don't worry about what other people think. Much as they may be excited about the idea of twins, it'd be pretty inappropriate to put any 'disappointment' they might feel (and I bet that wouldn't be the case anyway) ahead of how you might be feeling, or the fact that there is still a little life on the way.

Good luck, OP!

AHardDaysWrite Tue 04-Feb-14 14:42:01

Op we can't gather facts that aren't there in a post. Your initial post gave no info at all about your mcs and I maintain it still comes across as insensitive.

I hope you had a good scan outcome.

twinnymumstephanie Tue 04-Feb-14 14:47:52

AHardDaysWrite, if there is not enough information to confirm or negate facts, the most logical thing to do would be to enquire further instead of making assumptions and basing your reply on those assumptions. As everybody knows what happens when one assumes.

The insensitive part depends on the way you read it. If you read it in an insensitive tone, of course you're going to take it that way. If you actually read if for what it says, it's merely information and in no way expresses my opinion on what she did.

Thank you, I hope so too smile

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