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Giving birth alone.

(58 Posts)
Shellywelly1973 Fri 10-Jan-14 18:11:41

I've known for most of this pregnancy that it would be very likely i will be on my own when I give birth. I'm 37+3. I was at the hospital today & the enormity of it hit me.

I will have to do this totally on my own. Carry my own bags & car chair. No one to hold my hand or get me a drink. No one to share my fear or joy...

I don't have any close friends here. Exdp doesn't want any involvement with birth, baby or our 3 other dc.

It didn't really bother me until today as Exdp was pretty useless during the other births. I really wanted a hb but it was so difficult to organise care out of the home for the older dc that it makes more sense for me to leave then the dc.

The walk today from the car to the hospital was quite painful & I realised I will do that again whilst in labour with a bag & car chair!

I don't know why I'm posting really as there's no point in being upset as it's the way it is...

It's lonely though. x

BettyMacdonald Sun 12-Jan-14 19:57:48

Shelley I'm SE London. More than happy to help in anyway. I have 3 small boys and I'm a HCP. If you're anywhere near me then I really would do anything I could to support you smile

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 12-Jan-14 17:25:40

Aaaah - sorry. Didn't think properly.

Do you think you might feel a but better if you looked round the MLU? Am wondering if you phoned to explain the situation if they would let you look round and also, at that stage, make a note to have a dedicated midwife available - maybe a student? - for support

Shellywelly1973 Sun 12-Jan-14 16:37:36

Ds wouldn't be able to manage the boys in that sort of situation. Due to their SNs their behaviour is unpredictable...

Good idea though. Thanks.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 12-Jan-14 14:52:04


Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 12-Jan-14 14:51:53

Suddenly another thought! This maybe completely impractical but any chance that your DS coukd take the little ones to a cheap hotel - travel lodge or similar - as a base so that you could have the house to yourself?

I know you'll probably go into labour at night so he would only really be bundling them out the door in the morning. If you're still at it post school, then he could take then out fir tea and to the cup inseam perhaps before going to the hotel?

HolidayArmadillo Sun 12-Jan-14 14:30:03

Ah, not my neck of the woods then but I wish you all the best and I know when I've had women come in on their own I've gone the extra mile for them.

Shellywelly1973 Sun 12-Jan-14 14:22:17

1 to 1 midwife scheme sounds lovely. With a previous pregnancy I had one mw the whole way through. She was mad & great fun as well as experienced. Unfortunately she retired a couple years ago.

I'm in London. Big teaching hospital. I'm sure the birth centre will be fine but I still feel sad I will never have a hb but it's logistically a PITA with the dc. It's only a few hours at the end of the day.

I've cancelled everything non urgent to do with work. I've got a really sore throat & rotten cold. My feet & legs are very swollen. I know i need to slow down.

I've done loads indoors the last couple of days so I'm slowly feeling a but more prepared!

JsOtherHalf Sun 12-Jan-14 11:11:04

If is Calderdale hospital, then park at the back of the hospital. There is another car park, follow the signs for women and children's centre I think.

That was where I parked for ante natal appts, etc

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 12-Jan-14 02:44:47

Bloody hell - I'm 40+1 with a 13 month old DS and a supportive DH. I've moaned all day but you've really put me to shame blush

Am so impressed that you are coping so well and with lots if other DCs too

I can't offer any practical help but, if you are in Cheshire or the Wirral, have you heard of one2one midwives?

You basically have your own dedicated midwife for appointments. If you don't have a homebirth, they'll transfer with you to the hospital and stay whilst you give birth emergencies permitting they're not licenced to actually deliver you in the hospital but they'll stay for support

You can self refer at anytime and it is available on the NHS.

My midwife is lovely so hopefully you might meet an equally nice one that you would be happy to have at the birth flowers

firstpglivingabroad Sun 12-Jan-14 02:29:37

Hi - sorry to hear this - I won't be back in the UK for 6-7 weeks or would offer too. I'm pg with no.1. Only 13 +6 at the moment, but will also be doing this alone. My ExP walked out on us 4 days ago. I hadn't thought about giving birth without him there - something else to work through. Good luck with everything, look forward to hearing how it goes. xx

HolidayArmadillo Sat 11-Jan-14 21:34:15

^^ sounding even more familiar if you want to pm me and check.

Cariad007 Sat 11-Jan-14 20:46:00

Shelly, this is a just a small thing but IIRC you're attending the same hospital as me and there is another entrance! First couple of times I did the 20 minute walk too but if you go past the entrance to A&E you will see another entrance, which is about 2 mins from the labour ward. There's also a lift to the floor where the antenatal clinic and MDU are, though I find it quicker to take the stairs.

Shellywelly1973 Sat 11-Jan-14 20:34:00

Your kindness & offers of help have helped me so much...really lifted my spirits!

I feel a bit daft now for posting but I felt so on my own yesterday. I know we're all better off since dp & i parted but at times I think I must be mad!

The support from strangers on the Internet has more power then I ever realised...

THANK YOU. x x x

MummyPig24 Sat 11-Jan-14 13:14:29

Another one here offering help if I can. I'm in Berkshire. I don't drive but I would be more than happy to accompany in a taxi, carry bags, fetch drinks etc.

HopeS01 Sat 11-Jan-14 12:27:17

Another offer of any kind of help, (but I'm on the Isle of Wight so unlikely that I'll be of any use).

I'll be thinking of you xx

HolidayArmadillo Sat 11-Jan-14 10:39:35

The way you've described the hospital makes me think it could well be the one I work in. If so and I look after you I'll be extra specially nice smile

LurkingNineToFive Sat 11-Jan-14 08:59:08

If the idea of a stranger being there is a bit strange why don't you get some virtual help via a thread on here?
We'll all rally round hold your hand etc. won't be able to get you a drink but the moral support will be plentiful.

LlamaLover Sat 11-Jan-14 08:35:34

Thanks for all offers of help. Am Halifax way, so none close yet,but much appreciated all the same. smile

dobedobedo Sat 11-Jan-14 08:04:12

Northants, Corby area here. Holler if you need a hand with carrying stuff or a lift or anything!

BettyMacdonald Sat 11-Jan-14 07:51:14

Shelly and Llama I'm in SE London if I can help in anyway? smile

kreecherlivesupstairs Sat 11-Jan-14 07:32:09

Just seen this on active convos. I am in Norfolk. KL to be precise. I have a car and a strong pair of arms if I'm any use to you.

Emilycee Sat 11-Jan-14 07:20:45

I'd also be happy to help Shelly, im Peterborough based. Can provide a lift, fetching and carrying etc. You could have a whole tag team of us from mumsnet! :-)

Mitchell2 Fri 10-Jan-14 21:11:59

Have you spoken to your midwife? In my area (london) they offer maternity mates - which are women trained to give support during childbirth - kinda like a free doula for those who don't have support. Maybe your area has something similar?

Hangingoninthere Fri 10-Jan-14 21:11:38

I went through labour & birth alone with ds2 - in many ways I found it easier as I could focus and get on with it. I had ds2 in hospital so had midwives with me for the birth. I am sure you will be fine with the labour &birth but will probably need some help getting to the hospital and after the baby is born.
Have you any other neighbours, parents of dcs school friends, local childminders / nannies who might help? I'm sure if people knew your situation you'd get lots of offers. I know I would offer for someone even if I didn't know them very well. I would be happy to be asked to by any of my neighbours or acquaintances.
When is your baby due?

Shellywelly1973 Fri 10-Jan-14 21:06:40

lol@Gimme !!

Thank you to you all for your kind & gengenerous offers...

But I will be fine. I need to keep busy & not think too much!

The days & weeks leading up to giving birth are actually worse then the birth itself!

I used to be very close to my sister, mum & mil but circumstances have changed beyond recognition & generally I'm ok but days like today make me feel lonely & very isolated. x x x

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