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so scared I've lost my baby

(29 Posts)
starfish99 Wed 08-Jan-14 16:45:46

I'm so down and don't know what to do with myself I just keep staring into space and crying. I'm just wondering if anyone else had been through something similar and it's turned out ok. I guess I'm just trying to find some hope to cling on to.

I'm 6+4 but had an early u/s 2 days ago (due to some early spotting) but the baby was only 2.5mm and there was no heartbeat. They told me I must only be 5 weeks and have booked me in to go back a week later. They said my chances are 50/50 but just wouldn't listen to me when I said I can't be 5 weeks due to my dates.
All of my symptoms have gone, my boobs were a little sore and swollen but are now just normal and deflated.

I'm so scared my baby has stopped growing and has died and just cannot stand waiting in limbo. How do I go on until Tuesday knowing that my baby might have gone already?

MrsGiraffe12 Wed 08-Jan-14 16:59:45

Didn't want to read and run starfish. I'm so sorry your going through this. The gap between ultrasounds is horrendous I know. But early in pregnancy even a few days can make a difference.

Fingers crossed and lots of hand holding x

starfish99 Wed 08-Jan-14 17:12:15

thank you MrsGiraffe. hand holding very much appreciated. I was looking forward to pregnancy so much but this has been such a roller coaster. I feel so emotionally drained by it all, I never expected to feel like this.

CrispyFB Wed 08-Jan-14 17:15:44

I think there is still room for hope!

At 6+2, 2.5mm is not unreasonable. I had a similar length with DC2 at 6w0d. Ultrasound scans that early can be up to five days out, plus unless you were charting and very very convinced on your ovulation date (I don't just mean when you had sex) then that can allow for a few days out too. How early did you test and get a positive?

It is only usual to have a concern if there is no heartbeat above a fetal pole size of 4mm so I am surprised they said 50/50.

Keep us updated with your scan next week! I hope everything looks great.

starfish99 Wed 08-Jan-14 17:23:09

thanks Crispy.
I tested on the 14th (7 days after ov date) and got my first faint positive. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have got a positive by then if ov was any later so I just can't understand that I can be any any less than 6 +4, maybe 6+2 at absolute minimum.
This waiting game is hideous. im surrounded by friends with babies who became pregnant instantly and feeling so sorry for myself.

VJONES1985 Wed 08-Jan-14 18:47:49

It's very rare to get a positive 7 days after conception because the average implantation day is 10dpo and then it takes at least 24 hours for hcg levels to be high enough to show on a test. So you could be less than six weeks.

marmitelover Wed 08-Jan-14 19:43:38

I've been through something very similar and the waiting was awful. As cliched as it sounds you need to just wait and see what the next scan says, because as the others have said the dating game can be out from what you think. Lots of positive thoughts

Emberlina76 Wed 08-Jan-14 19:47:22

Hiya.
I had a scan at 5.5 weeks and had the same thing, sac but no HB. Told us to come back in a week and it was there and all fine! Then at my 12 week scan they out my dates forward by a week to what I thought they were anyway so I think it just depends on how fast little one decides to grow at the start, they're all different I suppose. Sending lots of luck xx

ShoeWhore Wed 08-Jan-14 19:48:26

Really sorry you are going through this OP. I battened down the hatches with a huge pile of light frothy comedy dvds and distracted myself that way. My friend went out as much as poss when in the same situation but I couldn't face it.

Big hug to you. It's not necessarily over yet but this limbo is crucifying I know.

VJONES1985 Wed 08-Jan-14 19:55:01

Like emberlina, I had a scan at 5w5d but there was no heartbeat. Had another at 7w6d and it was there, so I'm sure it's just a case of time. I know how hard it is

CrispyFB Wed 08-Jan-14 20:30:04

Did you have an internal or an external scan out of interest? Internal ones are a lot more accurate.

I still maintain that if you're 6w2d you're within the scope of natural ultrasound variation, so although it would have been nice to have seen a heartbeat, the fact you didn't doesn't mean it will be bad news eventually.

I've been in the limbo and it went on for a month of weekly scans and it was thoroughly stressful and miserable. It didn't end so well for me (I was measuring further behind than you are and knew my ovulation date) but whilst I was waiting I did loads of research and found plenty of cases where it was okay.

Good luck!

VJONES1985 Wed 08-Jan-14 20:32:08

I heard the heart starts beating around 6-7 weeks so you're definitely not out of the picture yet.

livingzuid Wed 08-Jan-14 20:46:56

I had a scan at 7 +2 and was told to expect it wasn't viable. 18+4 now and still going! Anything before 8 weeks is hit and miss so it is definitely worth waiting. The wait is terrible though, but I had such bad hg I didn't notice much else. Sorry you feel so low, lots of hugs.

livingzuid Wed 08-Jan-14 20:51:52

Sorry I should have added that I had to wait till 13 weeks for my next scan. Hb not necessarily seen at 7 weeks even with internal scan but by 8 the baby has developed enough hence why they need to wait and see. So much changes in a week. Just awful waiting. Symptoms come and go as your hormones change daily so don't let that discourage you. Keeping fingers crossed for you.

Slh122 Wed 08-Jan-14 20:55:55

I had a scan when I thought I was 6 weeks as they suspected my pregnancy was ectopic.
There was nothing to be seen and my hcg levels were so low the doctors told me to expect a miscarriage as they said they were too low to sustain a pregnancy.
Turns out everyone had got it very, very wrong - me included. My ultrasound was a few days out and I got my dates slightly wrong which sent everything off kilter.
I'm now 37 weeks and have a foot stuck in my side.
Good luck. Did they take any bloods? flowers

starfish99 Wed 08-Jan-14 21:27:17

hi thank you all for such lovely messages and well wishes. its really made me feel a bit stronger and really appreciate the support. Just wish I could fast forward to next tues.

crispy - I had an internal u/s. she didn't really say too much apart from it was very small compared to what it 'should' have been. I had no idea what to expect really as didn't even know we were definitely going to have a scan but we were just so upset when they said my chances were 50/50 because of the size and no heartbeat.

vjones - have been trying to go over dates make sure I'm certain. if there was longer between my ov date and bfp wouldn't that make me further along rather than less?

starfish99 Wed 08-Jan-14 21:30:26

slh - ys they took bloods on 31st dec when I should have been about 5 1/2 and hcg was 9000 which they said was ok. They didn't do bloods again on Monday though as said it wasn't diagnostic which surprised me as that's what I thought I had actually gone in for!

starfish99 Wed 08-Jan-14 21:34:13

crispy - also wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. These 2 days have been hellish so no idea how you went through a month of it. It must happen to so many people but it feels so isolating and the worst part is just not knowing what's happening and if it's going to be alright.

ShoeWhore Wed 08-Jan-14 21:35:04

I don't know if it helps starfish but our local hospital won't do scans before 7 weeks because it can cause so much worry when things are often fine.

VJONES1985 Wed 08-Jan-14 21:45:19

Yes,it would make you further along but your ov date could be different to what you thought? Anyway,I bet your little bean has a heartbeat by now anyway :-)

starfish99 Wed 08-Jan-14 21:48:40

oh I really hope so vjones!

starfish99 Wed 08-Jan-14 21:50:42

shoewhore - that's really interesting. am annoyed they scanned me so early really. After spotting in weeks 3-4 which had stopped I was eventually just starting to feel positive about this pregnancy and now I'm right back to nervous wreck stage again!

NerdyBird Wed 08-Jan-14 23:00:22

The waiting is awful, do what you need to to get through - whether that's work, staying home or doing an activity or hobby. Hope you get a good outcome.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Wed 08-Jan-14 23:49:18

Early on there is a big window for error. Sperm can live for up to a week or so, and implantation can take some time, or everything can happen in a short period.
I tested at something stupid like 3.6 and got a BFP, then scans put me at 2 days further on than I thought. The next early scan added another day.
It's all so hit and miss.
Its not over yet, and even in a week or two things can look scary and still end up ok.
When I MC an ectopic in February I couldnt cope with the wait. I holed myself up in bed and watched black and white movies.
The wait seems unbearable but it does pass. xx

CrispyFB Thu 09-Jan-14 00:46:10

Thanks starfish - it was six years ago now but it is horrible waiting. We get so used to being able to have answers for things within a day or so at most, so to be told "time" is the only thing with answers is extremely hard to deal with.

With each scan my hopes faded a lot more so by the time I had the last scan at just after 9 weeks I was pretty sure it was over so in a way it was a gradual let down. I had a loss a few years before that (had DC1 in between) and that was a very definite loss at 7 weeks and I think in a way that affected me more as it was so sudden.

However I am now pregnant with DC4 so despite my initial bad luck, I seem to be doing a better job at hanging onto them now! smile

As everyone has posted - there's so many chances for it to still be okay and lots of positive stories! You should get some sort of answer in a week - most babies either stop growing or only grow a day or two so it's obvious it's not going to work out, or they grow as they should. I was unlucky and fell in a grey area somewhere between the two hence the prolonged limbo, but for most people it's pretty clearcut.

I hope the next week passes quickly for you - keep reminding yourself it's out of your control and what will be will be, I know it's hard though! I was hopeless at not obsessing. Some places insist on a two week wait so you were lucky there at least!

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