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HELP...I'm freaking out now that Im actually pregnant!

(13 Posts)
firstpglivingabroad Thu 09-Jan-14 01:49:56

thanks Swedeaway - I just saw your reply. Good luck with DC2. I hope everything works out for me the way it has for you.

SwedeAway Fri 27-Dec-13 05:49:07

Firstpglivingabroad - firstly, congratulations. I know the situation can seem quite scary at the moment and you are allowed to freak out about it.

Just know that you will not have to give up your life and independence. Yes, for a while your baby will take over your world but once you have gone through the newborn stage you should be able to slowly get your life back ( with your baby included in it).

I had my first 3 years ago. Although my life was turned upside down then, my life now is rather good. I am back in my job as a lawyer for a bank (very high pressured job which I love) and our DD is at nursery which she loves). I do not have to rely on my DH financially as we both work. I am now 5 weeks pg with our second one and although I sometimes think I am mad to do it all again, I can't wait. I will take my maternity leave and then back to work.

I am living abroad since 3 years back so have no near support from my family.

What I am trying to say is that although it may seem like you are losing your independence etc, it really does not have to be like that at all. Your new life is what you make of it.

firstpglivingabroad Fri 27-Dec-13 03:56:43

Hi everyone. I'm 11weeks now, and very glad to have seen this post. I'm 37, it's my first pregnancy, unplanned and I'm completely freaked out and can't stop crying. I don't agree with termination in my circumstances (not judging, it's just not for me) and I genuinely haven't wanted to explore doing that - but I do not feel anything at all for the baby. I had a scan at 8 weeks, I don't know why but I was very surprised that anything was actually there (11 positive tests hadn't convinced me). I've told work and will be giving up my job in 2 months as not sure where we're going to be living (which country even).

I have quite a senior job at the moment, and the thought of losing my financial independence, not having work to do every day, relying 100% on my partner to live etc scares me. I do not want to be in this position. I don't want to give up my life. I've always been quite good with children, but I haven't ever had a desire to have my own. I just cannot imagine (a) having a baby and (b) liking it when it's here. I'm already resentful that I can't do certain things thanks to pregnancy and have had to cancel plans accordingly.

It's not helping that my partner (who says he's pleased) isn't exactly being supportive. He seems to be from the school of "just let them get on with it", which is causing us to fight a bit as I don't think he's doing anything to help me in any way. I'm still exhausted, the nausea does finally seem to have gone away, emotionally I'm a wreck and I just don't feel pregnant deep inside. I'm hoping this is more common than I ever thought as it's not something people talk about. I'm really scared these feelings won't change and I don't know what to do to help me feel different now. Any advice?

beginnings Tue 24-Dec-13 05:48:23

I felt like that and occasionally still do! I have two DDs, the youngest of whom is only three months.

However, DD1 was only 16 mos when this one was born and even with that I was starting to get 'me' back before I was heavily pregnant. My point is that, while your life will never be the same, you do start to get elements of it back quite quickly.

Also, the reason your fiancé is not panicked is because he has noooo idea of what's about to happen. I breast feed mine and DD1 was a good sleeper so DH had relatively little to do with the practicalities for the first six months. Not the case this time and man is he feeling it! He is thankfully going off the idea of five fgrin.

Take your time, try not to listen to horror stories from others, and don't trust your instincts too much, they're a bit confused at the minute.

Plateofcrumbs Tue 24-Dec-13 05:34:46

We'd been trying for 15 months when we got our first positive result. I cried when I saw the two lines on the stick - not joyful tears but tears of overwhelmed panic.

5 weeks later I saw the little bean wiggling on a scan and cried again - this time tears of relief and yes definitely a bit of joy.

Am still feeling terrified about it all, losing 'my' life, the responsibility, the uncertainty. As the weeks go on I'm not sure I feel any less terrified, but at least I'm becoming at ease with the terror.

I keep telling myself that none of the things I'm most proud of achieving in my life have been easy. Being a parent might just be the ultimate example of that.

Mabelandrose Mon 23-Dec-13 22:03:17

Thanks so much. It's fine now and life is moving on nicely smile.

I think the hormones are a big factor. It is a massive change but I've never met anyone who has regretted children. Hopefully you will feel more connected following the scan. It's def more of big deal for you as a woman because it affects your life so much more than your partner.

IAmTheOneWhoKnocks Mon 23-Dec-13 20:31:33

I felt the same with this baby and it's my 2nd one. DS was an accident and I didn't find out till later in the pregnancy so didn't have time to panic or change my mind. Having him was a huge shock, I'll be honest and say that the first year at least you can totally lose your sense of self. That's how long it was for me anyway. Then after a while things become easier and more enjoyable, you get used to your new life.

This baby was planned but it's still got me terrified because I know what's coming my way this time! The total bliss of making your own little person to love unconditionally far outweighs the scariness.

ThereIsNoEleventeen Mon 23-Dec-13 20:18:28

I think the other thing that I only realised in later pregnancies is how much your hormones rage in the early few months, I always panic (...and then forget afterwards that I panicked). I have spent the last couple of months in a complete spin, I had my 12 weeks scan last week and that seemed to calm me down quite a lot, I'm actually able to look forward to it all.

Hang in there and see how you feel in a few weeks/couple of...I still miss my old life sometimes, I think you need to decide which bits you really want to hang onto (work, hobbies...the things that make you feel like you), if you do that you can get the best of both words. I loved running, I bought a running pushchair, madness but I love it! Granted it comes out less and less as time goes on but I still managed to do my thing after the DC's were born.

NSEPWM0814 Mon 23-Dec-13 19:31:09

I'm really sorry to hear about your mc Mabel. I hope it works out for you and you get your dream bundle of joy.

NSEPWM0814 Mon 23-Dec-13 19:28:23

Thanks guys for the response. I spoke to my partner about my anxieties and asked if he was panicking....simple answer was no. He is totally calm about it all but did say I'm not the one going through all the changes. I do feel that as time goes by I will get used to it all and I guess my mindset will change. At the moment the thought of going for a scan fills me with fear. I really hope things change for me soon.

Tomkat79 Mon 23-Dec-13 18:35:18


I have a 7yo DS and felt very much the same as you. All I can say is when baby is born he or she becomes your life and that's all that matters. Such a cliche but my life prior to being a mum I don't really think about. I think anxieties and fear is all part of pregnancy and motherhood, that's why we get 9 months to prepare.

When my HPT turned positive all I could do was swear in disbelief for about 2 days. The scan will make it all a bit more real and then when it starts moving it's incredible.

I'm now 22 weeks with number 2. I think I must be totally mad to do it all again, as my son is becoming more and more independent and I 'have had my life back' for a while now. But there is no resentment where your own flesh and blood is concerned if that makes sense. I'm not explaining myself very well. OP you just have to trust that all will be just fine xx

Mabelandrose Mon 23-Dec-13 16:48:03

It's still very early days so just take one step at a time. I felt the same as you and then had a mc. The positive of the mc is that it showed me how much I wanted children after all.

Basically what I'm saying is these are really normal feelings! Just focus on small milestones and before you know it it's less scary.

NSEPWM0814 Mon 23-Dec-13 16:34:22

My fiance and I have been trying for a baby since our romantic summer holiday when he spent the entire time looking a babies and looking at me with those puppy dog eyes. I love him with all my heart and of course I'd love to have children with him so I decided to try. I thought it would take anything up to a year as I'm 38, but it only took 2 months (as it took a month or so for my period to return to normal). I did a test on Friday past and I am 2-3 weeks pregnant. I have been in total shock and panic ever sine I found out. I feel like I'm suffocating and I just want to run screaming in the opposite direction. I am trying my best to look at the positives but all I can think about is how much the life I love will change forever and that I have to say goodbye to the old me. I know this really sounds selfish and believe me it adds to my turmoil. I wish I could just be happy about it and feel like I want to celebrate it. I also feel bad for my I spoiling it for him.

I'm sure it will take time to get used to the idea, but i genuinely hate the thought of saying goodbye to my old life

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